Joel ve Hilary partner

Hilary was a great thought partner and empowered me with a few new tools in my tool belt. 4 people have recommended Hilary Join now to view View Hilary Joel, MBA, PCC’S full profile to Hilary Duff was previously married to Mike Comrie (2010 – 2014). She has not been previously engaged. Hilary Duff has been in relationships with Ely Sandvik (2017), Jason Walsh (2015 – 2016), Joel Madden (2004 – 2006), Frankie Muniz (2002 – 2004), Shia LaBeouf (2002) and Aaron Carter (2000 – 2002). For those who've been crushing The Kissing Booth's Lee Flynn and wondering whether Joel Courtney is single, I have some bad news: He's taken. In fact, the actor has been engaged since Feb. 2020 ... View a scripted drama about the life of Sir Edmund Hillary, best known as the first man to conquer Mount Everest. Andrew Munro stars as Hillary, with Dean O'Gorman as his lifelong climbing ... Joel's first serious Hollywood romance was one that garnered a lot of attention, as it was with Disney Channel star Hilary Duff.The couple's eight-year age gap raised eyebrows, especially because ... as long as theres no touching of sexual organs by either partner. ... they started dating august 2004 according to this article. could've been a couple months sooner buuut in august that would make JOEL 25 and HILARY 16. Megachurch founder and preacher Joel Osteen is an inspiration to his many devout followers. But he has come under fire for controversies involving both his personal life and his Lakewood Church. Joel shares 29-year-old daughter Alexa with ex-wife Christie Brinkley. Alexis is a former financial advisor for the investment bank Morgan Stanley and began dating Billy after the pair met at a ... Joel became partner at Leverage Law Group, LLC in Leawood, Kansas. While it feels great to be named partner, Joel says it feels more like a gradual progression, rather than a huge change. His normal workday is still much the same as when he was a senior associate, but as a partner, he has more responsibility and sees the inner-workings of the firm. Joel Osteen Wiki Joel Osteen Bio Joel Scott Osteen was born on 5th March 1963. He is an American televangelist situated in Houston, Texas. Osteen’s broadcast sermons are seen by more than 7 million watchers week after week and more than 20 million month to month in more than 100 nations. His sermons additionally communicate …

Thanks for the memories

2020.09.10 04:52 NinetyFree Thanks for the memories

So, this is going to be a bit of a long one but I just watched a show on Netflix called ‘High Score’ & it just brought back a surge of memories. I’ve been working throughout the pandemic but am currently in isolation awaiting test results so it’s just my partner & I in our flat and I’ve felt a bit emotional lately as I’ve had more time to think. That’s the only way I know how to put it, anyway...
I was born in December of 1993 and I grew up in a nice house the first of five children. My parents were always hard working and my father was a taxi driver whilst running his own business. I don’t really remember much from my younger years other than the stories you’re told behind those embarrassing pictures but one thing I do remember was my dad coming home one night in ‘98 after a long day (around 10pm). I hadn’t saw him since getting up that morning and I couldn’t sleep so I went through to the living room to see my dad and there he was brandishing a PlayStation 1 with four games, Duke Nukem 3D, Doom, Resident Evil and the olde faithful: Metal Gear Solid. He had been working like crazy as my first sister had just been born a couple of years prior and he already started working on extending the house. One of his colleagues when he took on a shift in the taxi that night was selling his PS1 (blasphemy) so my dad took him up on it with a light haggle & brought it home, he had a go of it in the living room and the very next morning when I woke up he had set it up in my bedroom for me to wake up to. This would be like our little game space, the bottom bunk folded into a chair with a table where the PS1 & TV sat along with my cool VHS player and copy of Toy Story to boot.
Being five years old at the time this probably wasn’t the best parenting in some eyes but I remember the very first game I ever played, the one that started it all. My dad said I just looked at the covers and picked the coolest looking one. Some may argue that ‘Tactical Espionage Action’ sprawled across any jewel case is a solid winner but of course it had to go to the ripped guy shredding hell spawn with a double barrelled shotgun (granted I didn’t know what this was at the time I just thought - “COOL” as I was brought up watching Gladiators and Robot Wars on the TV is this one appealed the most to child me). I can still hear it now, the PS1 boot sound, the disc spinning up and then the title music. Ugh - sweet perfection.
I didn’t get very far in Doom at all and whilst it began my gaming hobby it also sparked the recurring “Dad! I’m stuck!” theme. After Doom it was Duke Nukem’s time to shine...I think I played the first act and then it became a watching my dad complete the game type deal. The first game I actually completed by myself was in fact Metal Gear Solid. Psycho Mantis still gives me nightmares - that there was sheer innovation I don’t think I’ve encountered to date within the industry (please don’t take this comment to heart, there’s been plenty innovation, just let me have my rose tinted glasses moment). The final one I tried my hand at was Resident Evil and I’m embarrassed to admit this but I could not get further than the first hall zombie, you know the one with the nightmare fuel FMV? That guy. Literally the second room in the game. “Dad! I’m stuck!” though by this time my dad was so caught up with work we never did get to finish Resident Evil.
Anyway those four games and my attempts at them along with the fun I had with my dad is what hooked me to the hobby. 2000 rolled around, the smell of PS2 was in the air and my second sister was due to be born. I had been saving Xmas and Birthday money for years (I was very fortunate as a child and I thank my parents and grandparents for everything the have done). The launch date grew near and I went to the bank with my dad so I could withdraw from my savings account, got my PS1 boxed up, games cleaned of any fingerprints and the memory card wiped. My dad’s friend also decided to come with us to the store on launch day and brought his Sega Megadrive to trade in so I could put it towards a new game. Honestly if I could turn back the clock, keep my PS1, games and goodness tell that man not to part ways with his goldmine of Megadrive games I would because they can fetch a pretty penny today compared to what I got for them at trade-in. Hindsight 101.
With PS2 in hand, two controllers, memory card, SSX, Tekken Tag, Bust-A-Move (for mum), Smugglers Run, Midnight Club & Time Splitters we were set. What followed was a day of my dad, his friend & I gawking at the new tech, Tekken Tag was a sight to behold as my dad and his friend had spent countless hours playing Street Fighter (That was their franchise and as cliché as it was my dad always picked Ryu).
The PS2 is, like many, my favourite console of all time. The memories of going to my friends, setting up one of those controller hubs and having a Royal Rumble on Smackdown vs Raw with a few of us are just filled with glee of a time long since gone. Split-screen and offline multiplayer was the social jam not even 15 years ago. Time moves scarily fast. As time went on I had my Gameboy for Pokemon, my Xbox for Halo and I played a ton of Unreal Tournament the Liandri Conflict on it as well as Star Wars: Republic Commando but the PS2 was always my go-to from games like Urban Chaos: Riot Response to SOCOM crosses fingers in sheer hope to God of War and one of my all time favourites- Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. If there was ever a game with so many modes, unlockables, customisation it would rarely rival that of MK:A. The PS2 era was just filled with so, so many amazing memories and as I grew older I found myself playing against my dad at multiplayer games rather than asking him for help...except for Spider-Man...I don’t know if you remember but I just have memories of lasers, crawling upside down, constantly dying. I was not a religious child and I find this hilarious but my dad was playing for me and I’d literally pray he would get past that for me, I’m talking full on clasped hands and my dad chuckling away to himself. If you want to convert someone, make em play Spider-Man on PS2.
Rolling onto PS3 and that price tag, ew. I remember being in school when my mum text me “PS3 has been delayed, Japan 2006, UK 2007”. An audible Vader “Noooo!” could be heard for miles. At this point I was a bit older so my memories are more vivid and I remember 22nd March 2007, 10pm my dad, his mate & I were playing the last ever game we’d play on PS2. This wasn’t Simpson’s Hit & Run, it wasn’t God of War, nope instead my final memory of PS2 was Just Cause - which whilst new entries have been lacklustre the original and the sequel were great games. 11pm struck and I was like begging my dad to go because I didn’t understand that having a guaranteed preorder meant I would get the console and I was scared the store would close before we got there. It was a 15 min drive, I was high on excitement, much to do with the amount of scalpers selling imported PS3s in the UK for 3x their RRP, the whispers in the school playground “His dad has a PS3”.
As much as the general consensus is that launch line-ups suck. I’m sorry but the PS3 was unreal IMO. Motorstorm, Resistance, Virtua Fighter, Call of Duty 3 & who could forget the giant enemy crabs of Genji: Days of The Blade. My first experience on PS3 was Resistance - My God. Also the first game that got me super into Online PvP. Similar to the PS2 launch my dad sat up with me and we experienced it together. He went to bed around 3am but said to me to get some sleep as I had school in the morning. I did what any honourable teenager would do in that situation...I game-hopped like a mofo and went to school looking like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. That morning when I went into school I was blasted with questions from my mates who were eagerly awaiting 15:25 to run home to hopefully good news that Royal Mail has delivered their package.
The PS3 generation was special to me because of the maturity in myself and also in games. My dad got COD4 for Christmas from my mum at launch but he wasn’t allowed to actually play it until Christmas. It rolled around and he blitzed the campaign but he was getting stuck and asking me for help. The Student has become The Master. We completed COD4 and I ventured online, that became the only game I played for almost an entire year. Every day racing home to school, my friends and I trying to beat each other to 10th prestige, gold camo. No fancy titles, no micro transactions, no stupid camos just sheer, grounded, straight-forward fun. Warhawk was another game that was ahead of it’s time, so much so that we got two PS3s and two copies for a while so I could game with my dad for a bit in between gaming with my mates. DMC4 was another where I remember the release rolling around and I was still too young for a job so I helped around the house but didn’t save enough for the game. I didn’t expect anything then one day my dad shouted me through to the living room, I walk in and he’s sat on his chair like some Mob Boss about to start making demands when he points over on top of the TV and there it is, Nero in all of his glory, DMC4. He just thanked me for the help around the house and said I can play it now as long as he can have a shot. A gentleman’s agreement was made. It’s the little things like that, at the time I didn’t think much upon it but on reflection my dad had that idea, he took time setting it up on top of the TV and called me through all proud, he was the best.
I bought a 360 at this time too to play Halo 3 and Gears 1&2 then it was promptly sold as I couldn’t get into UI.
PS4 rolled around, I was out of school, in a full time job and saved so I could go HAM! I got the ‘Players Edition’ with both controllers, the camera and most of the launch titles. My dad kept the PS3 this time around though and he was playing COD: Ghosts when I went to pick up my PS4 with my mates, we drove to the store, got our consoles and booted it home. Couldn’t wait to show my dad but he was asleep when I got home, he didn’t have it in him anymore, he was just exhausted, five kids, two jobs, wasn’t easy but he and my mum (I notice I’m not mentioning my mum a lot in this but you’ll see why shortly, no harm to her. She’s great and I love her dearly) did their absolute best. I had a girlfriend at the time who was working night shift and text her when I got home, she replied saying she didn’t really care. Needless to say I’m not with that person anymore. Not just because of that but yeah that general attitude played a part.
My dad & I played some Battlefield and some Injustice where he totally schooled me. Thing is with my job and his work we spent less time together and the time we did spend together was going to the movies maybe once every four or five months. I started getting blinkers on with my girlfriend or playing online with my friends whenever he asked to do something. Then in 2015, I had just dropped off my new and current partner at the airport as she was going to Greece for the Summer season where she worked for a travel agents as a rep, I was driving home and decided to go a drive with my friend when my mum called me to say my dad had just been taken to hospital, the doctor reviewed some samples and went to the house at 8pm to get him to the hospital for more tests...Leukemia.
He stayed positive and I tried not to think about it but he didn’t tell my three youngest sisters at the time (15 and twins at 12) or his mum. My grandparents lived in a bungalow next door and my gran is a very old school, passionate and emotional woman who would really suffer if she knew but her suffering would be so public it would bring others down. Months passed and in July he was told they found Bowel Cancer, fast forward through treatments and doctors telling my dad it was going to be okay to October where he was told it spread to the lungs, it was inoperable and he has two to three years at a push. I remember him standing in front of me, my sister, his friend and my mum when he told us, he broke down. My hero in tears and I got up to hold him, the only time I hugged my father since I was a kid. It was a tough day.
My partner came home to visit and she really bonded with my dad in that time, he was a great guy but just as she left she got a text from her dad, he had just bought a property if we wanted to move in. It was fast for us but I was struggling seeing my dad trying to be strong but knowing he was holding back tears. I had a very open and honest conversation with my parents and we decided it was for the best, his words to me were, “Sometimes in life if you don’t take an opportunity, you don’t try something, you’ll never know if it would work”. My partner was from wales and everything is a blur but I remember packing my tiny Corsa with 21 years of my life and driving 400 miles with tear filled eyes to start my adult life at possibly the worst time for my family. I’d never stood on my own two feet and this was all daunting to me. I took the easy way out, I had an opportunity with my partner and took it instead of staying by my father, I wasn’t as strong as I am today. I have some regret but also part of me thinks it was the right thing to do.
We drive back on December 24th and my dad can’t even come out of his bedroom to see the kids unwrap their presents as he’s too upset knowing what’s coming and they don’t even know. It was a strange Christmas. He tried to have dinner but I remember he said to my mum he needed a minute, stepped away from the table and sat in his chair. The living room was also a dining room up back. I remember sitting at the head of the table and I could see my dad there just holding back tears then pulling his gown over his face. It sucked, man.
We were leaving on Boxing Day as I was in retail management at the time and they don’t really care if you have a terminally ill family member 400 miles away, it’s Christmas so you gotta be back. I went to his room and we spoke for a bit, the last conversation we had was about Star Wars. He got me into it as a kid, we went to conventions and bought so many collectibles throughout my childhood. I told him what happened in Episode VII with Han and he couldn’t believe it. We shared a laugh and I told him I loved him as he told me, I should have said it more often.
I’m getting to a point here so please bear with, I understand this has gone on a bit of a tangent and to anyone still reading this, Thank You.
December 31st comes, mum phones. He’s been taken into the hospice and at this point he has told my gran and sisters what’s happening. I phone in sick to work to book flights back home as I couldn’t face the drive with that hanging over me. I sit in denial in my house for almost two weeks about to buy tickets and not actually doing it because I just couldn’t accept it. I finally fly up late on the 12th and to cut a long story short he passed at 6am on the 13th. My mum went to see him when the hospice called at 5am to say “it’s happening he has 2-3 days”. The last thing I said to my mum that morning was “Tell dad I’ll see him at 9 and I’ll be here for my sisters if you need me”. I never got to see him. My own fault for not getting the tickets. My return flight was booked for the 14th so I flew back to Bristol then got a lift to Cardiff. In total silence, I just couldn’t believe it.
After I got home from the funeral a couple of weeks later I spent a solid 3 months on the sick in my house crying to my partner when she was home, trying to hold back tears when I called my family, over eating, not shaving, not taking care of myself. I kept going to turn on the PS4 or the Xbox but that was our thing and I just couldn’t. I went back to work in late March/early April and I struggled and this may sound silly but Doom came out in May, the first ever game I played back in the day with my dad. I took a week off work, bought a ton of energy drinks and I did it. I put Doom in the PS4 in my own little computer room in the house, had my dads picture on the desk and we played Doom. It sounds so silly as I type it but Doom is the game that has so many memories, it’s the game that got me out of a loop. I played that thing to completion so many times. I have it on every platform it released on, still revisiting it to this day alongside Doom: Eternal.
As we approach a new console generation I am excited for the memories it will bring and I just this weekend have had a nephew whom I’ll hopefully get to share this hobby with and by extension he will enjoy something that brought his grandfather and me joy throughout the years. I may not be going into this console generation with my best friend beside me but I am looking forward to the new memories that will be created and to the times I will be reminded of my beginning in this hobby all thanks to my dad.
Games rarely move me but games like The Last of Us, the relationship between Joel & Ellie is so relatable, God of War, the list goes on but I’ve rambled enough for one night.
This hobby we share can inspire us, it can motivate us but most importantly it brings people together. From a time when I was in school it was the uncool thing to game and you would be on the receiving end of some verbal slander if you were a gamer to now- a massive, growing industry where people accept others no matter their background.
I just really thank everyone who is part of this community regardless of if you game on Xbox, Nintendo, PS, Stadia or PC. Go out there, create memories and share experiences.
I’d also like to thank my family, my friends, the developers, creators, visionaries out there because you have helped me go from fearing touching games again to reliving my fondest memories.
Truly, thank you.
Edit: forgot to add, I’m only just started to come to terms with my father’s passing and I feel like I just wanted to talk briefly about the memories I’ve shared with him through this hobby. If anyone is in a similar situation to the one I was in and would like someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to message.
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2020.09.09 17:55 nathanbarry The Billion Dollar Blog

Hey everyone, in the past you've all enjoyed some of my blog posts as reddit threads (15 lessons from our first $15 million and The ladders of wealth creation) so I thought I'd share my latest essay, the billion dollar blog.
This is the result of all my research in trying to build a massive company myself and I figured it's better to share it than just keep it in my private notes. I'd love to hear what you think in the comments!

The Billion Dollar Blog

In the summer of 2010 Emily Weiss, a fashion assistant at Vogue, had the idea to start her own fashion blog. She bought a used camera, the domain intothegloss.com, and a couple months later the site was live. Into the Gloss showcased the real-world beauty routines of fashion influencers and celebrities. The blog was an immediate hit and by 2012 it received more than 200,000 visitors per month.
Eight years later, what do you think the site is worth? Millions? Tens of millions? While that would be an insane success for a blog, it’s not even close to the correct answer of $1.2 billion.
From Into the Gloss Emily created Glossier, the groundbreaking beauty brand now valued at over $1 billion. That’s the power of an audience.
At first Emily’s story seems like an incredible outlier: a billion dollar company born from a blog? How many times has that really happened? More often than you might think.
After digging deeper into the research I found example after example of creators building a traditional audience and then using it as a launching pad for a massive business.

MY JOURNEY

In 2011 I started my blog, nathanbarry.com, to write about software design and development. While I didn’t have instant traction, I was earning a living from my blog in just over a year. A year later that turned into a great living from selling ebooks and courses on design. I quickly exceeded my wildest dreams, earning over $250,000 a year blogging and teaching design.
But like Emily, I wanted to turn it into something bigger. From the blog I built ConvertKit, an email marketing software company for creators, that now earns $24 million in annual revenue and is valued at over $100 million and counting. It required a ton of time, persistence, and a completely new mindset on business, but I was able to also turn an audience into a business with massive upside.
In my own quest to build a billion dollar company I’ve studied dozens of creators who have made this transition. This post is for my readers who are thinking about following a similar path.
Let’s dive in.

THE 5 RULES OF A BILLION DOLLAR AUDIENCE

RULE #1: BUILD MORE THAN A PERSONAL BRAND

When Mark Sisson started his blog, Mark’s Daily Apple, in 2006 he didn’t think he was taking the first steps towards a $200 million business. At a time when blogs were mostly considered hobbies, Mark was about to build an empire.
As his blog grew, Mark earned a great living through all the traditional methods: paid products, sponsorships, and advertising. He continued to scale with a bestselling book and more products.
Then in 2015 Mark launched Primal Kitchen, a company selling paleo-friendly mayonnaise, dressing, and other sauces. They started just online, but then were able to get distribution in Whole Foods and other retail stores. Just two years later food-giant Kraft acquired Primal Kitchen for $200 million.
Jessica Alba has more name recognition than any blogger ever will. Despite that fame, her wealth doesn’t come from her name or movies, but instead from The Honest Company, a multi-billion dollar consumer goods company she founded.
In every example I looked at I found that personal brands are great for getting started, but this next level nearly always involves moving beyond a personal brand. Creators like Michael Hyatt and Marie Forleo will always be held back by their desire to build a brand around their own name.
That doesn’t mean creators aren’t a figure-head or their name isn’t a part of it—Air Jordan or Kylie Cosmetics come to mind—but the company or product brand is #1.

The Disneyland of quilting

After nearly going bankrupt during the 2008 recession, Jenny Doan and her family moved from California to the small town of Hamilton, Missouri. Her kids set her up with a sewing machine and helped her start a quilting business. After the first year when sales were slow, they helped her turn to YouTube to create tutorials.
In the years since then Jenny turned that tiny YouTube channel into The Missouri Star Quilt Company—which turned Hamilton, Missouri into “The Disneyland of quilting” and now employs over 400 people. Seriously, they own half the town. Forbes estimated their 2019 revenue at over $40 million.
Today Jenny is still putting out a video each week and her channel has grown to 680,000 subscribers. It would have been natural for her to build her online profile under her own name, but by naming it The Missouri Star Quilt Company she pushed her entire business far bigger.

RULE #2: SELL PRODUCTS, NOT ATTENTION

Kylie Jenner was one of the least famous Kardashians, but now she’s the wealthiest. Rather than chasing more fame or influencer status she channeled what she had into Kylie Cosmetics. She was so successful that the entire entrepreneur community wasted time arguing whether or not she was actually a billionaire.
Creators are better than anyone at capturing attention. Attention has value. Brands understand this and pay the creators to redirect that attention towards their own products through advertising and sponsorships.
In a perfect market that attention is worth more than the brand is paying for it. If the brand pays a creator $10,000 for a promotion, they do it because they believe the attention will drive more than $10,000 in product sales and long-term brand value. If that additional value is worth $5,000, that is the value gap that the creator missed out on.
That doesn’t mean the creator should charge $15,000—a brand won’t do something if they don’t get value—but instead the creator should sell their own product to capture the full value.
Ryan Reynolds understands this better than anyone. He could make a ton from endorsement deals, but he realized that’s giving up too much upside. Instead he became an owner in Aviation Gin (which he just sold for $610 million) and wireless carrier Mint Mobile. Each hilarious ad he records drives more sales and builds the brand.

A common misconception

Often creators with an audience will start selling products, but rather than a full product line, it’s branded merchandise. Like Casey Neistat selling branded hoodies and shirts. While these likely sell well to his millions of subscribers, that’s not the same as building a clothing brand.
On the other hand, Candice Poole (Casey’s wife) is truly building a clothing brand with Billy!. It’s important to understand the difference: selling branded products can be a step towards another revenue stream, but it’s not the same as building a brand that can stand on its own outside of the original audience.

You should do sponsorships when it raises your profile

If you are lending your name to another brand it’s likely selling your own product would have more long-term upside. But there are some times that a brand deal raises your own brand. For example, if an up and coming photographer does a deal to be featured in an Apple marketing campaign their own profile and brand will increase significantly.

Capture all the value

None of these companies used affiliate revenue, partnerships, or sponsored posts to drive their revenue. Instead they realized that they already had the most valuable asset that traditional companies were clamoring for: attention. They redirected their loyal following from buying other people’s products (for a small fee) to buying their own products to capture all the revenue and all the brand value.

RULE #3: DRIVE HIGHER CUSTOMER VALUE THROUGH RECURRING OR REPEAT PURCHASES

Justin Jackson made the switch from selling books and courses (which are sold once per customer) to selling Transistor, a subscription software product for hosting podcasts. Like all software as a service, customers pay every month for access to the product.
Katie and Seth Spears built the massively popular blog, WellnessMama.com earning a living from affiliates, digital products, and sponsorships. Then they leveraged that audience to launch Wellnesse, a personal care product company that I believe will scale to millions in revenue (I’m an investor). Wellnesse makes money from repeat purchases as fans buy more toothpaste, shampoo, and lotions.
How often can your best customers buy from you? If it’s only once or twice, you’ll struggle to scale that company. But if you sell a product they can buy over and over again, you’ll have a much higher customer lifetime value. George Clooney did this with Casamigos Tequila: if you love it you buy more when you run out. He sold the company in 2017 for over $700 million.
ConvertKit follows a similar model where not only do our best customers pay us every month, but as they grow their email list they spend more and more with us (and are thrilled to do it!).

RULE #4: CHOOSE A BETTER BUSINESS MODEL

Vani Hari built a massive audience for her site The Food Babe, where she led a crusade for healthy food with clean ingredients. She monetized through cookbooks, meal plans, and affiliates. She then focused that audience into Truvani, her own health supplements company with Derek Halpern which is now well into 8-figures of annual revenue.
As independent creators we’ve seen the incredible value of ebooks, digital products, and courses, but the traditional business community doesn’t value them. It’s not because traditional investors are foolish or snobby, but because that’s not how companies are valued.
Companies aren’t valued based on current revenues, but instead on projected future cash flow.
A company may lose money now, but if investors believe it has the ability for high margins on significant revenue in the future, they’ll pay a premium to own a share of it now. So what product lines have the potential for the best revenues at a solid margin?

Buying higher quality revenue

Andrew Wilkinson used the profits from MetaLab, his design agency, to buy an empire of companies through his investment firm Tiny Capital. Services revenue isn’t highly valued by the broader market (because long-term cash flow is capped), so Andrew used the profits to buy and invest in businesses that are highly valued (software, communities, etc). Effectively trading up for higher quality revenue.
OptinMonster made this move when they rebuilt their popular WordPress plugin into a SaaS platform. Not only could they build a better product that’s easier to maintain, but now they exist in a category (SaaS) that is trusted to deliver great long-term returns.

Better sound

When you think of how to earn more as a hip hop artist the ideas are probably scaling the audience and more endorsement deals with brands. But would you expect a rapper to create one of the most iconic hardware companies of the decade?
In 2006 Dr. Dre said to Jimmy Iovine, “Man, it’s one thing that people steal my music. It’s another thing to destroy the feeling of what I’ve worked on.” Referring to the low quality sound delivered by Apple’s basic earbuds that came with every iPod.
Two years later they debuted Beats by Dre, their own premium headphones. Through product placement and endorsement deals the headphones became iconic. In 2013 Apple purchased the company for $3 billion.
Vani, Andrew, and Dr. Dre all saw that while they could earn a great living in their current paths, they could trade money or attention for a better business model with an even higher upside.

BUILD A BUSINESS TO BE ACQUIRED

These 5 rules could all be summed up in one phrase: build a business that is desirable to acquire—even if you don’t want to sell. A powerful brand, recurring revenue, a great product line, and a quality business model will drive significant value long-term whether you sell or run the business yourself.

NOT EVERYONE MAKES IT, LET’S STUDY WHY

I just shared a ton of examples of creators who made the decision to graduate to bigger upside and pulled it off. This is insanely hard, so we can learn just as much from those who I think should have made the move or tried and failed.

THE WRONG BUSINESS MODEL

In 2015 Automattic, the makers of WordPress.com, acquired WooCommerce for “more than $30 million.” That’s a massive success and the founders never have to work again…but it’s nothing compared to what they could have built. Before Adii Pienar left WooCommerce he tried to push the other founders to build a hosted version to compete with Shopify directly. His co-founders didn’t want to. They bought him out and then later sold to Automattic.
It turns out selling themes and plugins can be a great business—earning the WooThemes/WooCommerce crew millions of dollars per year—but it can’t be a giant company. The real money is in building platforms like Shopify, BigCommerce, and WordPress.com. WP Engine did this and now earns over $100 million per year as a hosting company.
The higher leverage move for the WooCommerce team would have been to build two things:
  1. A user-friendly, hosted competitor to Shopify
  2. A hosting platform for the broader WordPress ecosystem
The WooThemes team turned a huge early hit into a solid exit, but it could have been two separate billion dollar companies.

ONLY SOLVING HALF THE PROBLEM

In 2015 I sat down with Pat Flynn in a San Diego coffeeshop to discuss working together on ConvertKit. Since then he’s become an invaluable advisor who helped rocket ConvertKit into what it was today. But there was another part of that conversation: I tried to convince him to turn Smart Podcast Player, a WordPress plugin that provided a beautiful podcast listening experience, into a full-fledged podcast hosting platform.
At the time Libsyn was the number one player and they had an absolutely terrible user experience. Everyone hated using them, but there wasn’t anything better out there. Pat solved 50% of the problem (the user facing side) by making the listening experience great. I was encouraging him to build it into a SaaS app and solve hosting as well. He had a ton of other great projects going at the time, so he decided not to.
While Smart Podcast Player was a great business, it doesn’t have the same trajectory as Anchor or Transistor.
In talking to Pat before publishing this article he pointed out that the biggest issue was timing. Back then he didn’t have the right team to build a full software platform. But now he does and he’s built Smart Podcast Player into a full podcast site platform called fusebox.fm.

SELLING THE WRONG PRODUCT

While I don’t know official numbers, I believe at one time Ramit Sethi was over $10 million in annual revenue with more than 50 employees. All focused on selling high-end courses.
Being in the personal finance industry there are plenty of startups or products Ramit could have created. But I think he wisely realized that creating the next Mint or Wealthfront is an insane amount of work and would require learning new skill sets. But if he wants it, the opportunity is there for him.
Marie Forleo could do the same. In fact, her audience—along with Tim Ferriss and others—was key in helping to launch Shopify’s Build a Business challenge in 2010, which they used to grow. Marie is doing amazing with her business, but if she wanted to take it to the next level she would need to pivot from selling information (her B-School course) to a traditional product for the mainstream market.

INVENTING A NEW CATEGORY

Casey Neistat leveraged his YouTube audience to provide initial traction for Beme, a new social network and video sharing app. Casey and the team worked hard, but ultimately couldn’t get traction and the company was acquired by CNN in 2016 for $25 million. The product was shut down and the team was assimilated into CNN.
While he still got his payday, Beme didn’t turn into the hundred million (or billion) dollar success that it could have been. Here’s the problem: Beme was trying to create an entirely new category. It had no competition, which also means there wasn’t built up demand. It’s a trap to think that no competition means an easy path to profits. Usually it means you’ll struggle to get initial adoption.
That said, Casey took his swing and I have a ton of respect for him in that! Interestingly, through starting Beme he actually kicked off his daily vlog which made him far more famous. As his audience grows I think Casey will continue to take big swings beyond Beme and 368 (his next venture). His massive audience will be a growing launch pad for each new idea.

TOO MANY GREAT OPPORTUNITIES

In January, 2019 Caleb Wojcik and Pat Flynn launched a Kickstarter for SwitchPod, their new tripod designed specifically for vloggers. Nearly every vlogger used the Jobi GorillaPod bent into a makeshift monopod to extend your arm and get the camera further away. The GorillaPod worked, but was clumsy and difficult to use.
The SwitchPod had great marketing and quickly raised $415,000 from over 4,000 backers. YouTubers with early access loved it. Creators like Levi Allen and Peter McKinnon recorded rave reviews. Even after launch it has continued to sell well. Caleb and Pat were able to use their audiences and relationships to launch this to initial success, but then… well, they mostly went back to their other (very successful) businesses.
I wanted Pat and Caleb to go all in—to turn SwitchPod into a camera gear company run by creators who really get the audience. I believe in this market they could beat out Gorillapod and build a company worth at least $10 million. They have other ventures that are doing really well (and there’s nothing easy about this), so I don’t fault them for choosing a different path.

THE WRONG PLATFORM

Copyblogger built a large audience through teaching content marketing. Rather than just selling courses or other content Brian Clarke partnered with Brian Gardner and others to merge together the content machine with Studiopress WordPress themes and Synthesis web hosting. It was a brilliant move to sell a higher value product to the same audience.
Later they bundled further to launch Rainmaker, an all-in-one marketing platform for bloggers. I believe this was a good move, and it was certainly an attempt to graduate to even more upside. Ultimately it failed and the company was divided up again and sold off in pieces.
It’s hard to say exactly why Rainmaker failed, but I think it was a combination of building as a bundle of WordPress plugins rather than a custom platform, the team coming from the marketing world and not building a true engineering culture, and the founders gradually losing interest.
The Copyblogger team had the right idea to use their audience to sell products with more long-term value than content, but were unable to truly execute.

DREAMING BIG

We’ve learned from both the wild successes and the missed opportunities. So let’s cement our learnings with a little fun: pick your favorite creator with a massive audience. How could they make this transition? I’ll start by speculating with a few:

YOUR NEXT STEP

For those who are just getting started, the most important thing to understand is that an audience is key. If you’re looking for step one on this massive journey it’s to get good at building an audience.
If you have an audience, focus on scaling it. What will get you in front of the most people? If you want to go big it probably isn’t the time to focus on monetization, but instead creating incredible content that will really spread.
For those that already have that massive audience, it’s time to look at selling your own products and driving that attention to build a brand.
If you’re already selling your own products and building a real brand, keep at it. This will take a long time. I’ve been working on ConvertKit for 7 years. I think that it will take me at least 5 more to build ConvertKit into a company worth $1 billion.
Compound interest is the most powerful force on earth. Build a product and brand that can experience compound growth. Then work on it for a really long time.
submitted by nathanbarry to Entrepreneur [link] [comments]


2020.07.25 20:06 SantaClaritaTribune Game VIII.A 2020: Santa Clarita Werewolves - Rules, Roles, and Registration

Sign up here!
In August there will be two games running simultaneously:
When signing up you can either choose one, say which one you’d prefer, or say that you don’t mind and we’ll pick for you.
Players that have received more than 2 inactivity removals from a game within the last 12 months will not be allowed to sign up for Game A.
Players that have received more than 1 inactivity removal from a game within the last 12 months will not be allowed to sign up for Game B.
THE DEAD WALK! by Sam Miller
SANTA CLARITA―The dead walk among us! By day they lead normal lives, much like you or me, but by night they prowl the streets, hunting your loved ones for sustenance! Luckily you have me, a resident expert on the unliving, to guide you in rooting out these creatures!
There are a few things you need to know regarding this situation. First off, you must stay calm! Zombies love a target whose blood is racing, so they’ll be sure to come after you first! Additionally, staying calm will better allow you to figure out who among us is infected.
Second, you’re going to need to know how to tell who’s infected. Unfortunately, these aren’t your standard comic book zombies - they’re practically indistinguishable from the rest of us, apart from their eating habits and that they need to be beheaded to kill. That’s right! If you think you’ve found one, you’ll need to remove their head in one way or another!
Third, you can’t trust anyone! Even if you have proof that somebody is among the living, all it takes is a bite to turn them undead! So trust your instincts and think critically about how people act, including any changes in behavior regarding those around you!
Luckily for you, I’ll be reporting daily on what’s going on. I’ve also included something of a bestiary for the types of creatures to look out for, as well as what tools you can use effectively against them, included in the rest of this paper. Additionally, I’ll be taking submissions for an advice column, called Ask Sam! Stay sharp, and keep your heads on your shoulders! SM
Edit: This game is based on the Netflix series Santa Clarita Diet, a gory comedy about a family trying to continue their suburban life while trying to maintain a diet of human flesh! We highly recommend you give it a try, it's just three seasons and would lend to your enjoyment of the game, but otherwise we try not to spoil too much from the show!

Mechanics

Discontinuation of the word “lynch” in HogwartsWerewolves Games

You may have seen the post “Hogwarts Werewolves and Social Justice”. If you haven’t read it already, we highly encourage you to read and discuss it with the rest of the community.
In short, as a community, we believe that we should no longer use the term “lynch” in light-hearted fashion. As a Mafia-based community, many of our games revolve around phases often framed as “night kills” and “day lynches.” The word “lynch” has a long legacy of anti-Blackness and murder of Black people, Indigenous people, and members of other marginalized groups, and we feel that time is well overdue to examine what it means to continue using it as a descriptor of gameplay. While “lynch” is established Mafia terminology, it is also a word that is painful for many people to hear. We should not justify continuing to use it because it is still used commonly elsewhere. It is inappropriate and cruel to make a game out of generational trauma.
Again, we encourage the community to read the entirety of the post (linked above), as it provides further context for this decision, as well as discussion of alternative terms that can be used. We understand that this is a significant change in the way that we talk about our games, and mistakes will happen. We are not out to punish you if you forget to use an alternative word and we will apologize if we do. We are all working to be better people, but we’re all human and we need to be kind to each other while we all work towards removing lynch from our game vernacular.

Beheading

The town wants to be rid of all on the side of the Undead, but the only way to kill an undead is by destroying its head. Each phase, every player will submit a vote for which player they want to behead. The player(s) with the most votes will be beheaded, and their affiliation(s) revealed in the following phase post.
At the beginning of each phase, we will reveal all players with the three highest vote tallies, as well as how many votes each player had. Player(s) with the most votes will be beheaded and removed from the game.

Conversion

The subject of this game is zombies, and with that comes conversions - something not common in games of HWW. Gary West and, randomly, Villagers can be converted from being on the side of the Town of Santa Clarita to the Cult of Sheila. In these instances, upon being attacked by the Cult, the player’s Life Status will switch to Undead and they will be added to the Cult subreddit. Let us remind you of Rule 4: Actively play for your role’s best interests. If you’re Gary West, don’t play as though you’re a wolf who hasn’t been added to the wolf sub yet. Just play what you are: a vanilla townie. If you end up being converted to the Cult, then you can play to their interests.

Teams and Roles

Teams and Win Conditions

In this game there are two teams: the Town of Santa Clarita and the Cult of Sheila. The Town wins the game if they completely eliminate all of the Cult of Sheila, and the Cult wins if they equal or outnumber the Town (including if all players are dead).

Life Status and Affiliations

Each role has a Life Status and an affiliation. A player’s affiliation is not necessarily the same as their team.
  • Life Status
    • Living: These roles are alive. Most Living roles are on the side of the Town, but there are exceptions.
    • Undead: These roles are undead, but it’s not so easy to spot how they differ from the Living. Most Undead roles are on the side of the Cult, but there are exceptions.
  • Affiliation
    • Town: These roles are normal, Living civilians. All roles with the Town affiliation are on the side of the Town of Santa Clarita.
    • Cult: These roles are mostly Undead, and all are on the side of the Cult of Sheila.
    • Knights of Serbia: This is an ancient order of Knights sworn to rid the world of the Undead, but… there may be some double agents. Most Knights of Serbia are on the side of the Town of Santa Clarita, but there are exceptions. Knights of Serbia still possess the wincon of whatever team they’re on.
    • Neutral: These roles are neither on the side of the Town of Santa Clarita nor the Cult of Sheila. Each role with this affiliation has its own win condition.

Roles

There are no secret roles, secret win conditions, or secret teams. All actions are required unless they have a limited number of uses.
The Town of Santa Clarita
Each role will appear 0-1 times unless stated otherwise. All members of the Town are Living.
Role Description Life Status Affiliation
Dan Palmer Crooked cop sheriff and nosy neighbor, Dan watches his neighbors with diligence. Each night, Dan will choose a target and be told their affiliation - Town, the Cult, the Knights of Serbia, or Neutral. Living Town
Anne Garcia Dan’s police partner who shows up on the scene to fill in for Dan, but can be persuaded by the right people. Initially has no nightly action. The night Dan dies, Anne inherits his action. If she targets Sheila Hammond, she receives the result “Town.” Living Town
Lisa Palmer Mother to Eric, Lisa has a penchant for dating police. At the start of the game, Lisa knows the identity of Dan. If Dan dies and Anne is still alive, Lisa is told the identity of Anne the night that Dan dies. Living Town
Rick A cop with a penchant for convincing people to get high with him. Each night, Rick will choose a target. That target’s action (if any) does not go through that night. If they have limited uses and they tried to use their action, that use is not expended. This ability cannot be used on the same player consecutively. Living Town
Tommy A member of an ancient order of knights sworn to hunt down all undead. Thrice per game, Tommy may choose a target to shoot. That target is killed and removed from the game. If he kills somebody on the side of the Town, he loses all remaining uses of this ability. Living Knights of Serbia
Paul Tommy’s brother, also a member of the ancient order of Knights. Each night, Paul will choose a target to guard. If they get attacked during the night, Paul and the attacker die instead. The target is not affected by the attack. Living Knights of Serbia
Dr. Cora Wolf A doctor studying the undead and trying to learn how to prevent infection. Each night, Dr. Wolf will choose a target. Any effects from being eaten or shot are reverted. If an action that has limited uses is reverted, that usage is still expended. This ability cannot be used on the same player more than twice in a row. Living Town
The Caldwells This disgustingly-perfect family holds no secrets from each other. This role can appear 0-3 times (but not once) as Chris, Christa, and Christian. Each Caldwell knows the identities of the other Caldwells at the start of the game. Living Town
Cole A guy you love to hate, until you spend some time with him and get to know him a bit better. Cole is not affected the first time he is attacked by a member of the Cult. Living Town
Anton An expert of the paranormal! At least, from his extensive knowledge of comic books. Each night, Anton will choose a target. Half of the time, he will learn the target’s life status. The other half of the time, he will learn the life status of either the living player above his target on the roster or below his target on the roster. (Anton will only be told Affiliations of players alive as of the phase after he submits his action.) Living Town
Gary West A sleazy real-estate agent who just moved to Santa Clarita, he has a penchant for pushing people too far. Gary has no nightly actions. If he’s attacked by a member of the Cult of Sheila, he will not die, but will become Undead and join the Cult and become the role Gary West’s Head. Living Town
Villager The standard villager with no particular abilities… except for one. Has no actions or abilities. Can appear more than once, and each instance of this role will be given a unique name. Occasionally, a villager who is attacked by the Cult will not die, but will change roles to Zombie and be added to the Cult of Sheila team and subreddit. (The chances of a villager being converted upon being attacked has nothing to do with which characters in the show were converted to undead.) Living Town
Cult of Sheila
Each role will appear 0-1 times unless stated otherwise. Sheila starts with the ability to eat each night, which is inherited by another Cultist if she dies (Zombies first, then other Undead who lose their original ability, then other Living Cultists who get converted to Undead (edit: and lose their unique qualities)).
Role Description Life Status Affiliation
Sheila Hammond Real-estate agent and mother of the Hammond family, Sheila takes no shit. Each night, Sheila will choose a target to eat. That target is killed and removed from the game. Undead Cult
Joel Hammond Real-estate agent and goofy father of the Hammond family, Joel… just wants a better toaster oven. Joel is a member of the Knights of Serbia, and will appear as Living when investigated. Living Knights of Serbia
Abby Hammond Rebel environmentalist and daughter of the Hammond family, Abby fights for the causes she believes in. She’s sworn to take up Joel’s position as a Knight of Serbia upon his death. When he dies, Abby becomes a Knight of Serbia. Living Cult (Knights of Serbia)
Gary West’s Head As he’s just a head, he can’t really do much except for use the computer with voice commands. Good thing he’s crafty! Each night, Gary’s Head will choose a target. If that target is investigated by Dan or Anne, the result will come back as Town. (This role does not appear naturally; this only appears when Gary West is converted to the Cult.) Undead Cult
Mr. Ball Legs Just… watch the show. Each night, Mr. Ball Legs will choose a target. That target’s vote changes to whatever Mr. Ball Legs's vote is. If Mr. Ball Legs fails to submit a vote, then their target is not affected. Undead Cult
Zombie The standard zombie with no particular abilities. Has no actions or abilities. Can appear more than once, and each instance of this role will be given a unique name. First in line to inherit the Eat action. Undead Cult
Neutral Roles
Each role will appear 0-1 times unless stated otherwise.
Role Description Life Status Affiliation
Ron Ruffin Well-affiliated with mental facilities, Ron is obsessed with becoming undead due to their enhanced abilities. Has no actions. Ron knows the identity (username) of any player who uses an action on him. When Ron is Eaten, he will not die, but instead be converted to Undead. His affiliation will not change. Ron wins when he becomes Undead. Living (Undead) Neutral
Eric Bemis Eric would do anything for Lisa (his mom) and Abby, but he can only choose one! At the start of the game, Eric will choose either Lisa or Abby. He will learn the identity of the one he chooses, and he wins if she lives to the end of the game. Eric can win without being alive. Living Neutral

Game Information

  • This game will use approximately 24 hours phases. The beheading and the actions will be combined, so each 24 hour period will contain both the beheading and the actions.
  • The deadline for all form submissions is 9pm EDT.
  • In each phase post, the following will be revealed:
    • Who died, and what team they were on.
    • The players with the first, second, and third most votes, and how many votes they received.
    • All players who received inactivity strikes.
  • All sidebar rules will be enforced during this game.

Additional Rules

  • You may discuss whether or not you received a PM and its effect (i.e. that you were roleblocked), but you may not discuss any wording or flavor of the PMs.
  • Edit: Flavor content in the phase posts (written in italics) has no bearing on the game and does not reveal any hidden information.
  • If a player fails to vote or submit a required action, they will receive an inactivity strike (but only up to one strike per phase). They will be removed from the game if they receive three inactivity strikes OR two consecutive inactivity strikes.
  • Do not delete comments. If you are editing comments, it should be made clear why you’re editing. If you made an error, use strikethroughs on the information you want removed, but don’t delete it. If you want to add something, put it at the end what you’re adding. Do not share information, then immediately edit your comment to hide what you said from others.
  • Comments in this game should be in English and free of encryption. Please do not try to find workarounds to this.
  • Dead players are not permitted to comment. They may go to HogwartsGhosts to discuss the game with other dead players and spectators.
  • Werewolves is a game of lying, deceit, manipulation, and broken hearts. There will be disputes. There will be arguments. There will be tough questions. There will be people calling you a liar. There will be people accusing you of things you did not do. Many of these things will rely on circumstantial, or hilariously thin, evidence. As facilitators, we will be enforcing the established rules of the game, but we will not be stepping in on any of these interpersonal disputes, within reason. The best way to tell someone that you don’t like their attitude is with a beheading vote.
The following is stolen from Moose, Peets, and Smatan, but it is equally applicable here so please do keep this in mind while playing.
We’ve noticed in some recent games that players and facilitators aren’t always on the same page in terms of mechanics. We have a long history of facilitators wording their rules post in a very precise way to allow for myriad possibilities, and we’re fully conscious of the fact that prior games we’ve hosted and shadowed have used overly secretive wording for gameplay reasons. We want our game to be as transparent as possible while still preserving a sense of mystery, hopefully minimize misunderstandings/misconceptions, and explain how we approach the facilitator-player relationship.
The most important thing in any game, in our collective opinion, is that the facilitators and players have trust in each other to deliver a good game. The facilitators have to trust the players to take their cherished, brand new, untested experience, and run with it. The players have to trust that the facilitators are giving all of their players a relatively equal playing field, and that they have the necessary tools to kill each other and all that fun stuff. Werewolves is inherently a game of deception, but we three want that deception to be player-player deception, not facilitator-player. This is your game against each other, and we intend to keep it that way. So with that in mind:
  • If one of the facilitators is answering your question, that answer is 100% gospel. Period.
  • If we are writing information in our rules post in a definitive statement, it is a definitive statement.
  • If we are leaving information ambiguous (i.e. saying that each role can occur 0-40 times, saying that a power won’t be revealed), we’re doing so for a gameplay-related reason. We want it to be really clear when we’re deliberately wording something ambiguously, so that you know which information is intentionally hidden and which information is not. As always, we reserve the right to not answer questions to preserve more of a sense of mystery over the game, while still giving you enough to go on. We want any assumption to be a reasonable one.
  • If we say something is off the table, it is without a doubt off the table.
  • Our win conditions are sacred.
  • Players can lie, will lie, and should lie (obviously). They are not beholden to our obligations to the truth whatsoever. Should be obvious, but it never hurts to repeat. Bamboozle the shit out of each other, on anything! We can’t promise we’ll be perfect. We can’t promise absolute consistency. We’re only human, after all, and there has not been a single game in Werewolves history to pass from beginning to end without at least one goof up. But we want this game to be friendly, fun, and fair for everyone, not just for the people with all the info. This is our promise to you, the players, from us, the facilitators.

Timeline

7/25 - Signups open.
7/31 - Signups will end at 9pm EDT. You will receive your role via PM shortly after. You will have approximately 24 hours to confirm your role.
8/1 - 9pm EDT is the deadline for confirmation. After that, roles may be reassigned and Phase 0 will be posted, where game talk will be permitted. There will be no beheading, and the only action that will occur is Sheila Hammond’s kill.
8/2 - The first phase will begin shortly after 9pm EDT.
Sign up here!

Edits will be logged here:

  • Clarified that Living Cult members, upon inheriting the killing action, will both become Undead and lose any other unique qualities.
  • Added to additional rules that post flavor has no bearing on the game.
  • Added a section before the rules stating what show this game is based on.
submitted by SantaClaritaTribune to HogwartsWerewolves [link] [comments]


2020.06.19 17:57 SaintRidley Wrestling Observer Rewind ★ January 25, 1988

January 25, 1988
Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words, continuing in the footsteps of daprice82. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
• PREVIOUS •
1987
FUTURE YEARS ARCHIVE:
The Complete Observer Rewind Archive by daprice82
1-4-1988 1-11-1988 1-18-1988
  • February 5 could be the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning of this current wrestling war. No doubt about it that McMahon’s Main Event will be a big success, especially with Andre vs. Hogan headlining and lots of publicity. There’s a good chance it cracks the top 15 weekly ratings, but that’s where things get tricky. If it succeeds, WWF will want to do it again, as will networks. Does this then mean weekly prime time wrestling? Just four years ago it was almost unthinkable that pro wrestling would be on network tv at all, and WWF has had a run of successes all through 1987. They’re firing on all cylinders and drawing big ratings with everything, and that’s the sort of thing networks find appealing. Could this lead to network tv for Crockett? Probably not - no way would Crockett give up the creative control necessary to make their show fit for network tv, and no network would have “you-know-who” (I’m guessing Dusty?) as the showcased star. Dave expects that if this show is a success, we may see WWF getting offered a weekly network deal by fall of 1989 to combat falling ratings (doesn’t that sound like Fox in 2019 making a deal with WWE?). The question is if WWF can put on interesting weekly tv shows long enough to keep interest in the long-term, and Dave’s not sure they can do that. He also isn’t sure Vince will be smart enough to avoid the trap of weekly network tv if the opportunity is there. On the other hand, whatever time they did get would be very lucrative for the duration. So would passing it up even be the smart move? Wrestling as a whole could fall to scandal at any moment, so is the long-term really worth considering too hard?
  • Focusing on the event itself, Andre and Hogan have big pressure on them. Andre’s condition means they can’t do a good match on their own, so they need a good finish and need to gimmick their way around the limitations. Hogan winning cleanly is the bad option - it would kill interest in Hogan’s match for Wrestlemania because nobody will be able to get over to Andre levels to be believable. Andre winning with Hogan challenging at Wrestlemania is the most discussed scenario, but Dave wonders if they’ll mortalize Hogan. It’s a hell of a needle to thread.
  • At the time of writing, Rumble vs. Bunkhouse is one week away. Dave fully expects Crockett’s ppv to fail, based on all indications he has. Dave’s pessimistic about their ppv numbers and the number of homes they’ll clear, and they’ve done a terrible job at hyping things up. The fact of the matter is this: every cable company will compare their performance to WWF (an unfair comparison), and that’s just going to not look good for Crockett. Failure here will make it harder to get the Crockett Cup carried, especially if WWF puts the pressure on after Wrestlemania. One of the companies Dave has contacts with has given indication that the Bunkhouse Stampede isn’t selling at all with them, which is not a good sign.
  • The Midnight Rockers are AWA Tag Team Champions. The December 27 match in Vegas ended with a double pin and the referee awarded the match to the Midnight Express. They’ve since announced that decision was overturned and the Rockers are champions. The real reason is that the Midnight Express have quit the AWA. Randy Rose wasn’t making enough money and wanted a guaranteed contract to keep him coming up from Georgia, and Condrey (who had a guaranteed contract) got his contract cut. So Condrey quit immediately, and Verne apparently didn’t want to keep using them so he didn’t even want to bring them back to do the job. Dave’s not sure where Paul E. Dangerously stands in this, but he’s heard stories indicating he’s still with them and that he’s split from them. Either way, he wasn’t at the most recent AWA taping. The Rockers are still mostly wrestling in Memphis, but expect that to change soon.
  • Good news for Crockett: their tv ratings seem to have stopped dropping and they might be rebounding. Their syndicated package has returned to the top 15 (coming in at number 14, two spots behind the All-Star Wrestling Network package which has 65 fewer stations it’s available on). So it’s good for Crockett that they’re improving, but that comparison to the ASW network means there’s still lots of room for improvement. WWF came in fourth place with their syndicated package.
  • All Japan Women has a big challenge ahead of them as both Dump Matsumoto and Yukari Omori arintend to retire in the Spring. AJW has a retirement rule in place where wrestlers are expected/made to retire at 26, and Omori just turned 26 last week. Matsumoto is 27, but they had waived the rule for her due to her drawing power and because they had no one to take her spot as a top heel. So this past year was spent building Bull Nakano and Condor Saito for that role, and the goal is to phase out Dump over the next two months. Dump, like Devil Masami, reportedly wants to continue wrestling and may tour North America. If used correctly, Dave believes she could make women’s wrestling in the U.S. and gain one of the biggest cult followings in all of wrestling. She’d need to be given the push and let completely loose for it to work, but “her gimmickry is such that she would actually get over more in the U.S. than in Japan.” Dave’s seen how Americans react to her in Japan and how they go to AJW shows just to see her (and more Americans go to AJW shows than go to either New Japan or All Japan), and he really thinks Dump has the potential to be among the biggest things going in America if she were to come over, on the same level as the Road Warriors. The Jumping Bomb Angels have been doing fantastically in WWF, so there could be a spot for Dump there. The only problem is it would mean phasing out most every American woman they have, because the only one they really have who can keep up is Leilani Kai. Anyway, Omori and Matsumoto retiring would mean five of the eight biggest draws for AJW would no longer be working there, leaving Bull Nakano, Lioness Asuka, and Chigusa Nagayo to carry things along as they try to develop new draws.
  • [Memphis] Another week, another week with neither Lawler nor Bill Dundee turning heel. Their January 11 match (ring vs. $5,000) ended in a ref bump and the visual was Dundee pinning Lawler, until Terry Taylor ran in and hit Dundee with a DDT, then beat up Lawler and the match was a no contest.
  • [Memphis] For January 18 they have Lawler putting up his ring against Curt Hennig’s AWA Title. Lawler’s talking about this as any kind of loss will result in Hennig getting the ring, and Dave wouldn’t be surprised if Hennig drops the belt, probably to drop it back to Hennig in Vegas in February at the next tv tapings.
  • [AWA] The last show in the Minneapolis Auditorium will be on February 4 and is being billed as Old Timers Night. They’re bringing in Dick the Bruiser, Kenny Jay, Leo Nomellini, Bronko Nagurski, Billy Robinson, Dr. X, Red Bastien, and Butch Levy for guest appearances, and Curt Hennig vs. Greg Gagne will be the AWA Title match. Otherwise the card is a mystery.
  • Nord the Barbarian’s car commercials have made him the most over wrestler in the Twin Cities after Hogan. AWA is, of course, afraid to push him too much lest he leave and it winds up hurting them. Nord doesn’t work dates outside Minnesota, even.
  • Due to the Winter Olympics coming to Calgary next month, Stampede’s going to have to move from their usual spot in the Pavilion. The Pavilion seats 2000 people, and their shows in February will be in a 1000 seat building.
  • Southern Championship Wrestling’s second tv taping drew 400 and had a couple highlights. Dick Slater said in a promo that when he was through with SCW he’d be more hated than Bill Watts. The other highlight was Bruiser BRody accidentally calling Grizzly Boone Grizzly Smith. The promotion’s figurehead president also confiscated Paul E. Dangerously’s mobile phone.
  • Global in Florida now has Gordon Solie doing tv for them. The Malenko brothers are the best workers, and Solie talks about how much the fans are booing those dastardly Russians even as they get nothing but cheers and are the most over guys in the promotion.
  • The UWF (Japan version) has folded and is closing up, and that’s the only real news in New Japan. The UWF was Akira Maeda and his friends negotiating as a group with New Japan and they had their own business office. With Maeda gone from New Japan, the group has dissolved and been fully absorbed into NJPW. Kazuo Yamazaki is being kept on, and Maeda will probably return in the future. UWF guys will now stop wrestling a different style and won’t sell UWF merchandise at shows anymore.
  • [New Japan] Inoki and Fujinami are teaming again. Dave finds this pretty unsatisfactory and indicative of how any success New Japan is having right now is in spite of their booking, not because of it. They teamed, feuded, never had a singles match, and are now teaming again all without the feud ever coming to anything or getting resolved. Irritating.
  • [World Class] The Freebirds (King Parsons, Terry Gordy, and Buddy Roberts) won the WCCW 6-man tag titles on January 4. The former champs were Kevin Von Erich, Steve Simpson, and Chris Adams. Matt Borne subbed for Kevin in the match as the Birds attacked Von Erich backstage and left him injured, but he came out during the match to interfere and cause a disqualification. And in WCCW titles change on disqualification, so yeah. Anyway, extra funny for Dave is how pointlessly they lied on commentary in the match where Kevin, Steve, and Chris won the titles on Christmas in the first place. They called it the finals of a tournament being held around the country over the past several months, but everyone knows Simpson was out for several months because of a torn retina and only just came back. Not to mention the other guys involved who were either in Japan, not working for World Class, or otherwise occupied. Lying’s baked into the DNA of the business, but that doesn’t mean everything you say has to be a lie.
  • World Class is pushing Ken Mantell’s wrestling school hard on the air. They’re calling it the World Class Academy of Wrestling. It was formerly known as the UWF training center.
  • Mantell’s come up with a hell of a gimmick match idea, and it’ll be the feature on the January 22 Dallas show for WCCW: the Thunderdome match. It’s a ten man elimination tornado cage match pitting Kevin & Kerry Von Erich, the Fantastics, and Chris Adams against the Freebirds, Jack Victory, and John Tatum. There are five sets of handcuffs in each corner, and when a man gets pinned he gets handcuffed to the ropes. When all five members of a team are cuffed, the winners get the keys and can uncuff their guys, after which the referee will leave the ring and they get five minutes to beat up the cuffed and defenseless losers. Dave thinks this sounds like a great match concept and expects a sellout on the strength of it (and no, as much as he’s been ragging on WCCW, there’s no sarcasm there at all - he’s genuinely positive on this).
  • Word this week on WCCW’s ownership is that Mantell owns 30%, but the company’s been restructured and he’s Managing General Partner and calls all the shots. Fritz has called at least one shot, though so…
  • Steve Corey had been helping revive WCCW’s business with spot shows, but some of his ideas lately have been not great. He recently promoted one in combination with a Martina Navratilova vs. Chris Evert-Lloyd tennis exhibition, and Dave thinks there can’t be anything dumber than trying to put in one show a women’s tennis exhibition with pro wrestling. Fortunately the tennis players balked and the show wound up canceled, but jeez.
  • **Last note from WCCW: on the January 4 show they had Brian Adias and Frankie Lancaster vs. Missing Link and Bill Irwin in a first blood match between Wild West and WCCW representatives. Link and Irwin won, and Bill Mercer went on and on about how it was a win for Wild West over World Class, which has Dave thinking at least Crockett did one thing right with their UWF vs. NWA angle. There Crockett had NWA win and come out on top and look superior, which was stupid, but smarter than scuttling Wild West, then having Wild West look better than World Class anyway. The galaxy brain move would have been to not mention promotions at all.
  • WWC from Puerto Rico now airs on channel 41 out of Patterson, New Jersey in the New York area.
  • Dave got a line-up for a January 9 card in Pasadena, Florida for “Women’s Championship Wrestling.” Wendi Richter was listed as world champion, and Luna (Vachon) and Lock (Wenona Littleheart) are there as The Daughters of Darkness.
This appears to be from a bit earlier, but Women's Championship Wrestling
  • Dave’s calling off his hunch about Lawler winning the AWA Title in the short term.
  • [NWA] Dick Murdoch has a great match with Nikita Koloff. That alone is a big surprise, but he’s also giving hilarious promos and has become the highlight of the promotion. Dave doesn’t think their February 6 barbed wire match will be as good, but he’s pleasantly surprised about Murdoch putting on his working boots.
  • [NWA] Barry Windham vs. Tully Blanchard for the Western States Title on January 15 (to air January 23) was awful. It went almost half an hour, and 17 minutes in they did a bit where Barry injured his leg and limped for the rest of the match. Near the end, he did a flying clothesline and the referee counted to two before stopping, expecting the bell to ring for a time limit draw. But the bell didn’t ring. So he looked at a replay and called for the match to resume, only for Flair and Arn to run in, with Luger running in to make the save, with the Horsemen beating Luger up and wanting Windham to join them. Several fans jumped the rails and ran into the ring to attack the Horsemen and had to be dragged out, and in the end Luger and Windham shook hands. Dave says scrap any notions of Windham being the fourth horseman (he considers that Steve Williams probably has too many Japan commitments, and that really just leaves Ron Garvin which won’t happen), because it looks like they have no candidates lined up. Au contraire, Dave. They’re just slow-burning Windham’s heel turn. Wait until April.
Watch: Barry Windham vs. Tully Blanchard for the Western States Title
  • Once again we have a letter asking for coverage of POWW and GLOW. There’s more space in the issues now that Dave’s gone to two columns, so coverage of them and of more international wrestling from England, South Africa, and Mexico would be welcome. Seems like Dave’s got a small, but vocal subset of subscribers clamoring for more coverage of women’s wrestling at home as well as abroad.
  • Roddy Piper’s The Highwayman pilot is going to be picked up. Piper is probably not going to be involved in the series going forward, though. In other news, Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, and Lex Luger were in a pilot for Canadian tv called “Learning the Ropes.” It’s about Lyle Alzado (who was also involved in the pilot for The Highwayman and also won’t be involved in the series going forward) as a single father schoolteacher with two kids who works as a wrestler on the weekends. They made four pilots and it’s set up as a half hour sitcom. Not sure yet if it’ll be picked up, but the letter writer who gives us these bits of info about these projects promises to let us know if she can find out.
  • Roddy Piper is also going to be the lead in John Carpenter’s next movie, which is a great sign for him having a future in Hollywood. It’s a little movie called They Live.
  • Iron Sheik appears to be returning to WWF. Dave expects him and Bubba Rogers to debut on the January 26-27 tapings.
  • Wrestlemania IV won’t be at the Superdome. Dave’s not sure where it will be, but the Superdome, Kingdome, and Silverdome are all booked for the NCAA basketball tournament. Dave’s been told they’ll be at a 20,000 seat arena, but only a few know for sure and they’re keeping their lips sealed.
  • Joel Watts (son of Bill) quit WWF’s tv crew and is apparently getting out of the wrestling business. I’m gonna blindly blame Kevin Dunn.
THURSDAY: Bunkhouse Finals and Royal Rumble, NWA bleeding talent, Starrcade buyrate revised, and more
submitted by SaintRidley to SquaredCircle [link] [comments]


2020.05.15 21:52 ABPositive03 For those curiuous about RT and especially Achievement Hunter after today's news, here's a sort-of-quick rundown.

Hope this is OK to post here, if not mods let me know and I'll take it down.
edit: Just realized someone should post something like this to the RT subreddit, bet it'd do well too! I think there's a lot of crossover appeal. Just a thought.
Someone on the RT subreddit recommended the Yogscast to me in one of the AH TTT video threads. I had vaguely heard of them but had never seen any of their stuff. Thanks to lockdown I've caught up on a lot of stuff and the 'lore' and inside jokes to a degree and really like the Yogscast but wish someone had made a sort of 'beginner's guide' since they had been around so long. Some people here may not know Achievement Hunter or RT that well so I thought why not? I'll make an AH guide for incoming fans of the Yogscast! If you don't know Rooster Teeth - probably an easier way to introduce them to a new audience is to focus on Achievement Hunter as they're the arm of RT that most closely resembles the Yogscast.
Geoff Laser Ramsey: Co-founder of RT and later co-founder of AH. No longer an active part of AH as he's taken a bigger role as part of RT's core group but will still show up here and there. Yes, Laser is his actual middle name. Has a lot of tattoos, used to be a heavy drinker but is now sober, he's like if your dad was Punk Rock.
Jack Patillo: Other co-founder of AH, he's got a beard and he's fat. He's the funniest un-funny guy in the room. Part of "Team Same Voice" with Ryan, and if you listen to them argue you will see why. Massive backseat gamer which you'll hear reference to if you hear someone say "Uh-oh, 'Let's watch' Jack is here". Kind of a hipster, but from what I've heard that describes most of Austin, Texas which is where they're located. He collects vinyl records.
Ryan Haywood: The other half of "Team Same Voice" (seriously you'll have some trouble when you first start watching) - he's a big fan of "Learn by doing". Probably the most technically sound member of AH, from an IT standpoint. He's also the Mad King and will kill video game animals for the hell of it. In Minecraft for years he had a cow named Edgar trapped in a glass-topped basement. Despite this he's a loving father and cares about real life animals, his wife is a vet. Some say he's still in the air.
Ray Narvaez Jr.: RIP. (actually left to do Twitch solo, but the joke is he's dead)
Michael Jones: He's not called Mike. New Jersey-style rage. Will eat anything. Lactose Intolerant. This all seems random and unnecessary information but yet somehow it'll make sense if you watch. Can't stand things being messy which make me wonder how he keeps sane in the AH office. Loves McDonalds and fast food in general. Him and Gavin are each other's boi.
Gavin Free: Ever hear of the Slo-Mo Guys on youtube? Then you know Gavin, except he sounds far stupider on AH. He's the token British guy, and thus some British slang has actually made it's way to the mostly US based crew like 'gubbins' and 'all over the gaff'. Known for asking some of the dumbest pseudo-philisophical questions ever. Was the subject of a musical number where AH's editing crew dressed up in church gospel robes and sang a gospel song where they simply repeated the words "Gavin is a prick... whoaaaaoaoaoaoh". Gets farted on by people non-consentually.
Jeremy Dooley: He's a Southie (South Boston, MA) transplanted to Texas. He's short. He's a musician and surprisingly good at rapping. Says 'hap', 'tap', and 'pap' at times in sequence when frustrated or tooling around (this started as an impersonation of behind-the-scenes RT co-founder Joel Heyman but then kinda became it's own thing). Former RT superfan, now he works there. He's good friends with and absolutely not the superhero named Rimmy Tim. Obsessed with the color combination purple and orange. Can consume far too much alcohol. Very muscular and used to be a gymnast. He took Ray's spot. If you need someone to do a dare and Michael's not around, you get Jeremy. He's kind of my favorite as we grew up in the same area so he's relatable in that way.
Lindsay Jones - Formerly Lindsay Tuggy and Michael's wife. Used to actually be the Boss of AH after Geoff stepped down, but then stepped down herself so she could focus on her and Michael's kids. She's the Wild Card and is proud of it. She will fuck up the entire let's play for a laugh. Did someone get RDM'd in a TTT game? Probably Lindsay. Is someone going backward on a GTAV race in order to smash into people? Definitely Lindsay.
Trevor Collins: Current boss of AH, on screen personality. Very even keeled and kind of ends up playing the straight man to other AH members' goofiness. Has a degree in rocket science, but somehow he's here. Generally very humble, chill dude.
Alfredo Diaz: a.k.a. The Sauce. He's Trevor's twin despite them being of different ethnicities. He's the most pro-gamer of the group and has legit won e-sports tournaments. While funny, he tends to be around when the team needs someone so they can 'git gud'. If someone's sniping and it isn't Fiona, it's probably Fredo.
Matt Bragg: Former editor now on-screen personality. Eats like absolute garbage but doesn't gain weight or have diabetes. Is the main target for Moonball attacks (this isn't a video game thing, I mean literal hard, bouncy balls being thrown at him). If he's playing a game with Jack, he will try to kill Jack. He's a Shark Mage. Pretty sure he exists on a diet of entirely doughnuts.
Fiona Nova: Newest member of the team, kind of controversial in the fandom which is sad. She grew up in France and New York, is biracial and openly queer sooooo the internet has a few people that really don't like her. She has quick wit and at the start it took a bit for her to hit her stride but now is very good especially in TTT where her and Gavin have this weird trust issue/total trust thing going on. They'll either KOS each other or have each other's backs without fail. If someone is sniping successfully and it isn't Fredo, it's Fiona.
For some reason, AH got obsessed with there being 'teams' within the group. I mentioned one in "Team Same Voice" which is a good example but you'll hear these mentioned a lot without a lot of background on how or why. Thankfully XaniDubia on DeviantArt made a handy graphic for this:
The chart
These get referenced a fair bit, so it helps to know who is talking about who when a team gets said.
Good lord, there's a lot of these. AH has been around since 2008 so naturally they've piled up. However some are far more dormant than others so here's references you'll likely here in modern content:
MOONBAH~!: Moonballs are these hard rubber balls with large divots. It is fair play, as long as you call "MOONBAH~!" to chuck one off a wall as hard as you want and cause physical chaos with it. There is a spot marked on one wall specifically to note the best angle to throw one to hit Matt Bragg especially.
Buhhhket: When the word bucket is said it will often be changed to this pronunciation. The whole reason is when Superfan Jeremy Dooley joined AH, he would say this as a reference to an ooooold minecraft episode where Gavin asked to get a bucket and had a bit of a brain fart and said it like this. Jeremy and his friends thought it was hilarious, no one in AH remembered it. However, now it's a running joke on screen.
"You and your friends are dead": The two old men (Michael and Jeremy in creepy old men masks) don't share their buffalo chicken with people that beat them at card games. This came from an episode of Let's Roll where they played Batman Love Letter and turned into a running gag if Michael or Jeremy are about to take someone out in a game.
Gavin gets mugged: Is it a GTA video that's not a race and Gavin's in it? He's getting mugged. Bet on it.
"Hap tap pap": Jeremy's mindless and/or frustrated rambling noises. It's shockingly flexible in use and hard to describe, but you'll hear this.
"Million Dollars, but...": This became it's own web series and card game, but basically Gavin gets bored in Minecraft and will come up with ridiculous hypothetical scenarios and ask if the others if they'd do it for a Million bucks. Example: "Ryan, Million Dollars, but in order to blink your eyes you have to touch your bellend?"
Garbo... man/lady/tot/lad/-sassin/... aaaand WEBBY!: So, one year as a joke on Cyber Monday sales, someone who totally wasn't Michael in a trashbag with giant googly-eyes on it announced "Garbo Tuesday". A 1% off sale. Later in an episode where gang played Worms the Garbo family was introduced making Garboman a recurring joke character. Ryan named his worms team after the 'Garbo Family' but only made 5 Garbo names instead of 6. The sixth worm was named Webby who is now canonically the Garbo family's pet (dead) spider.
Out in the Grapes: The rare 'forced meme that worked' - during a GTA video Trevor got lost and kept frantically saying he was "Out in the Grapes" meaning in the vineyards. The group basically made it a mission to make that phrase mean "I'm lost and have no idea where I am"
There's so many more but this should be enough to keep you kind of clued in as you absorb more of their madness.
So, you read all this drivel and are curious about these guys that are starting to collab with the Yogscast. Where to start? Well know that AH kind of has two channels on Youtube - Achievement Hunter and Let's Play. You may have noticed that the collab with Gavin/Fiona called out AH, and the one with Ryan/Jack called out LP. Let's Play was supposed to be a more varied 'a bunch of the partners on this channel' sort of thing but no one really joined in. So they have two channels.
There are three 'main' series that are weekly - Minecraft, GTA Online and more recently due to it's popularity: GMOD TTT. Like ThatMadCat, there are multiple people that do AH compilation videos and if that's your style that's one way to go. AH do their own yearly comps as well which are good, but if you want to just jump in with an episode (beyond the collabs already done)...
AH Animated A great way to get some of the best of their work in cute animated snippet form. The oldest one "Gavin explains the 'Star War'" is a must, and I imagine would give Zoey fits if she watched it.
Achievement Hunter Throwdown It's a rap battle and a quick way to get to know the personality of the core 6 members fast (Geoff, Jack, Ryan, Michael, Gavin, Jeremy)
Uno: The Movie The title isn't lying. This is a 2 hour, 44 minute marathon of a single game of Uno. AH gets stubborn, and someone was getting to 500 points. The exact filming date is also immortalized as it took place during election day 2016. For a long time, this was the highest rated comedy movie on IMDB and I'm not even joking about that. This is the only AH video I can think of that people have made their own "Best of:" videos about, from a single upload. A lot of AH fans including myself have watched this start-to-finish a lot of times. More times than we'd care to admit.
YDYD Season 1 part 1 Ya Dead, Ya Dead. Minecraft hardcore mode featuring AH members. Season 1... doesn't last long.
Sky Factory 3 ep. 1 They also did SF4 later on but this is probably the more iconic series.
GTA V Criminal Masterminds This is where Bum Cheese comes from. That's not a crude joke, there's Bum Cheese merch.
GTA V: Slug Life Ain't Easy GTA Races and special game modes are very popular videos of theirs as well, this is a good example of an Overtime Rumble game. Matt Bragg is surprisingly good at these.
Achievement Hunter: The Musical As an Extra Life charity stream stretch goal, AH: The Musical was promised back in 2017 (I Think?). In 2019 a video went up called "GTA V: Jack Bag 8", Jack Bag being where Jack makes up GTA game playlists for the gang to play. Instead it was steathily the musical. "Lindsay Wins" slaps, don't @ me.
submitted by ABPositive03 to Yogscast [link] [comments]


2020.04.20 17:16 TimeX13 Time's Revisited Reviews [#4] - Volume 2 Character Tier List

Tier List in Picture Form
Oi oi, Fan Friends!
My name is Pip, but you can call me Time. As part of quarantine I've decided to finally rewatch all of RWBY from the beginning to reassess my opinions on the show and how it has grown over the years with each volume. Each Volume will receive a Character Tier List, a full review, and a Rosen Globes among other potential things.
For this next batch, we'll be focusing on Volume 2, the volume I didn't actually remember watching. I knew I did but maybe I just thought it was forgettable....and boy, was I wrong!
I hope you enjoy/respect my opinions as I will yours. Now on to the reasons!
Best Girl (Goes to the character that regardless of the rating system had me grinning like a dolt and excited to see them on screen no matter what) * Weiss Schnee has finally become Best Girl after only two volumes, dethroning the Queen of the Castle...for now. Honestly, she was just a treat to watch as most of her unlikable tendencies have started to peel away to unveil a more awkward lovable side of Weiss who cares for her friends in her own special way and wants to show everyone a good time. Also a pun never hurts, not matter what Yang said. Weiss has grown so much without sacrificing what made her an interesting character. This volume properly sets up her series arc on not letting the Schnee name end with her father who makes her force a smile to just talk to the front desk of the SDC. Also her fight with the Chainsaw guy was great and yes, this is possibly the start of the Weiss losing streak I keep hearing about (but don't believe), however, it was a great showing and fits into the narrative more so than her actual skill (She dominated most of the fight, probably got cocky leaving herself open for a lucky shot, and that's how she lost). Also the moment that cemented best girl status was her crying hug with Ruby over a game...now that is the Best Girl Zwei and I know and love!
A-Tier (Incredible characters that help carry the story with amazing dialogue, subtle moments, and captivating screen presence that demands to be observed) * Blake Belladonna: Wow, still A-Tier...why did I not like Blake before? Honestly, she's just incredibly engaging and her story is front and center this volume which is a huge plus. Seeing this warrior unravel and eventually rise back up is astounding and this volume builds upon her relationships organically with arguably my favorite scene in the volume with Yang. Her voice acting is top notch selling every emotion and every line. Her anger and distance wasn't over the top, but rather fit realistically into her story to a warming resolution.
B-Tier (Good characters that had their moments and served their role well! Maybe not the most interesting of the bunch but definitely still a highlight) [Don't worry these are shorter] * Ruby Rose: I did not expect to write this...I had to think it over a lot, but it just couldn't be changed. This has nothing to do with Ruby becoming a worse character by any means! She's still just as good as she was in Volume 1...and that's part of the problem. She doesn't really evolve the same way she did in Vol 1 and part of that is because she wasn't the focus of this volume. Honestly, Weiss would be here too if she wasn't Best Girl. Vol 2 was more centered around Blake and the unravelling mystery behind Cinder's nefarious plan. Ruby doesn't have her own story or really her own moment of any kind. She wasn't apart of the Oobleck Campfire realization and while that may just be because Oobleck already knew why she wanted to be a huntress, it didn't really help her character (Edit: In comparison with the rest of her team). Other than that she was still really enjoyable to watch with great fight scenes and little dialogue exchanges with Weiss & Penny. I know she's in for a big push next volume, but for now she's B-Tier....albeit a very high B-Tier
C-Tier (Not bad but nothing special. They were there but did nothing of real consequence that made them stand out) [No reviews unless you want them]
Anyone here is here because they didn't really do anything of consequence or have any big standout moments. I'd like to see more from Junior as he seems like a fun enough side baddie and Velvet is in for a ride next volume, trust me! Chainsaw guy was...fine. He was a nice goon for Weiss to beat the crap out of before a lucky shot got the better of her. He served his narrative purpose for Weiss' character and that's it. Finally Cardin was Pyrrha's whipping bag for one episode. He did nothing for the rest of the volume unlike the last one. I guess it really was his peek.
I hope y'all enjoyed the read. Remember this is all a matter of opinion and you have every right to disagree. Discuss your favorites or least favorites as of Volume 2 in the comments below. Be good people and have a nice day!
submitted by TimeX13 to RWBY [link] [comments]


2020.02.25 22:57 MezcaMorii The Ultimate Podcast Recommendation Thread

So, you’re all caught up on Dungeons and Daddies, but can’t wait until the next episode to get your D&D or comedy fix? We’ve compiled your suggestions into one big thread so you can find your next binge-worthy podcast. Feel free to add more suggestions in the comments below!

More from the Dads

Story Break (ongoing – hosted by Will, Matt, and Freddie)
Story Break is a show where three Hollywood pros have one hour to turn a humble idea into cinematic gold. From pop culture to video games, breakfast cereals to board games, you’ll never know where the next theoretical blockbuster movie or TV show might come from!

Podcasts Referenced In-Game

Talking Sons (ongoing – Dungeons and Daddies Fancast)
Talking Sons is a volunteer made fancast that orbits around the star that is Dungeons and Daddies. Released every other week, listen to hosts discuss the latest episodes, speculate on conspiracy theories, and discuss topics related to the show.

20 Sided Stories (multiple campaigns, ongoing)
A group of actor-friends diving into your favorite worlds and genres, improvising an immersive, unscripted story in 16 episodes or less. But there’s a twist. Sage, Jess, and Travis use a tabletop role-playing game—and a variety of guests—to keep them on their toes, where every dice roll can completely change the direction of the story. The sound design is unparalleled, the comedy is side-splitting, and the game rules are original and easy to follow. Every series of this anthology is completely unrelated, so pick one that speaks to you and press play.

Hey Riddle Riddle (ongoing)
Riddles! Puzzles! WhoDunnits! Adal Rifai, Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan, three of Chicago's most overrated improvisers, are on the case to solve every riddle, puzzle, brain-teaser, and head-scratcher known to humanity. Some riddles are almost impossible, some are absolutely improbable, and some simply have not aged well. And if you don't like riddles, don't worry! This podcast is barely about them!

Fan Favorites

The Adventure Zone (multiple campaigns, ongoing)
Justin, Travis and Griffin McElroy from My Brother, My Brother and Me have recruited their dad Clint for a campaign of high adventure. Join the McElroys as they find their fortune and slay an unconscionable number of ... you know, kobolds or whatever in ... The Adventure Zone...

Dimension 20 (multiple campaigns, ongoing)
Heed the call of adventure and enter Dimension 20 where Game Master Brennan Lee Mulligan, joined by comedians and pro gamers, blends comedy with tabletop RPGs.
(Note: Fantasy High, the first season of the roleplaying anthology, is available as a podcast. Further seasons can be found on Dimension 20’s YouTube Channel)
u/Bilbrath says: “ESPECIALLY the new season they just started called Tiny Heist. I wheezing belly-laughed to a point where I had to pause the video multiple times in the 2 hours and 10 minutes of their first episode… Give it at least up through the introduction of the character Rick Diggins before you decide to stick with it or not (~30 minutes).”

Not Another D&D Podcast (ongoing)
Welcome to the campaign after the campaign! Three unlikely adventurers attempt to right the wrongs caused by a party of legendary heroes who screwed up the world while trying to save it. DM Brian Murphy is joined by Emily Axford, Jake Hurwitz, and Caldwell Tanner for this D&D play podcast.

TTRPG Podcasts

Acquisitions Incorporated (ongoing)
Acquisitions Incorporated serves up locally-sourced adventure from convenient franchise locations across Faerûn. Their adventures began in 2007 with a podcast of three friends playing D&D, and inexplicably progressed to live games on-stage before thousands of audience members at PAX.

Androids and Aliens (ongoing)
The creative team behind The Glass Cannon Podcast brings you an all-new weekly adventure full of laughter, tears and six adults playing make-believe.
Set in the distant future, five strangers find themselves caught in the middle of an interstellar mystery that threatens the very existence of the galaxy!
Join us every week as characters' fates lie in the hands of dice rolls and friendships are ruined over rules arguments.

ARCS (on hiatus)
Arcs is an actual-play Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition podcast, in which three unlikely comrades journey across the mystical realm of Thirithia in search of a famed relic!
Pretty basic, right? Well, dear reader…
Join us every Thursday for a rip-roaring, spell-casting, drink-downing, chair-smashing, chuckle-having affair, replete with grins, tears, and statistically-astounding dice rolls.dog.
Featuring radio-style production, original music and a lightning pace, Arcs is the perfect show for anyone looking for a hearty sip of comedy, drama, intrigue, and sometimes a dog.
Whether you’re a seasoned adventurer or a total newbie to DnD, you’re sure to get wrapped up in Arcs’ world, its characters and their uncanny ability to almost always make the wrong decision.
Join us every Thursday for a rip-roaring, spell-casting, drink-downing, chair-smashing, chuckle-having affair, replete with grins, tears and statistically-astounding dice rolls.
Sometimes very bad rolls.
… Usually very bad rolls.

bomBARDed (ongoing)
DFW band Lindby brings you a musical D&D adventure following the exploits of three bards.
u/Dr_Killionare says: “It's a goofy podcast about a band of bards thatbare an actual band that have to write songs to cast spells. It's fun, funny, even a little educational. Plus they have written some good jams.”

Campaign Podcast (multiple campaigns, ongoing)
A group of actor-friends diving into your favorite worlds and genres, improvising an immersive, unscripted story in 16 episodes or less. But there’s a twist. Sage, Jess, and Travis use a tabletop role-playing game—and a variety of guests—to keep them on their toes, where every dice roll can completely change the direction of the story. The sound design is unparalleled, the comedy is side-splitting, and the game rules are original and easy to follow. Every series of this anthology is completely unrelated, so pick one that speaks to you and press play.
u/AllenDJoe45 says: “First campaign was set in the star wars universe and it was soooooo good. I loved every episode and its worth every second. Their second campaign is SkyJacks which is a custom setting that is described as Folk Punk and is also awesome. Start at either but if you're a Star Wars fan start from the beginning.”

Champions of Earth (ongoing)
Five disaster teens find themselves the accidental wielders of elemental power suits and mecha steeds while charged with defending the earth... but their own messy lives threaten to be a bigger threat than robot kaiju, desiccated zombies, fae warriors, or a bigger menace from within. A fusion of tabletop RPG and radio drama, CHAMPIONS OF THE EARTH features an original game system and stars veteran streamers, comics pros, and indie game designers in a fast-paced high-production value sonic adventure stretching from the halls of high school to enchanted taverns to the dark side of the moon.
Part of the Nerdsmith Network. #WeAreNerdsmith

Critical Role (multiple campaigns, ongoing)
Welcome to Critical Role, where a bunch of nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons! Join Dungeon Master Matthew Mercer and an all-star cast of world-class performers each week as they travel through imaginary realms for more adventure than you can shake a magic staff at. Need a deeper dive? Be sure to catch Talks Machina with Brian W. Foster, the official Critical Role companion show, right here on Critical Role.

The Critshow (ongoing)
An actual play podcast with the first season focusing on Monster of the Week. Join Jake, Tass, and Teej as they try their best to solve Rev’s mysteries, protect the innocent, and hunt monsters - often times accidentally making the situation much worse for themselves, and coincidentally, far more entertaining for us.
u/Steelfox13 says: “They play a little more seriously but it's got a similar laugh to episode ratio in my opinion.”

D&D is for Nerds (ongoing)
In which we sit around a table, pretend to be different people and play some good old fashioned Dungeons and Dragons. Starring Jackson B. Baly, Joel L. Zammit, Cass and our favourite DM, Adam. It’s a magical time inspired by fantasy worlds such as World of Warcraft, Discworld, the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings where anything can happen, especially horses.
u/yorkton says “D&D is for nerds has a super similar vibe, similar sense of humour, love of dumb names and the DM does all the roles so it’s mainly focused on storytelling. Also it’s not one continuous story (although some are revisited), it’s often different characters, different parts of the world and even different time periods e.g. one story takes place 500 years before another one. So there’s lots of jumping on points. For someone just jumping in I’d recommend checking out the shorter runs first like: The Auticcus, D&D is for James, Northern Bounty, trouble in Orwa”

Dames and Dragons (ongoing)
Dames & Dragons is a comedy D&D actual play podcast with a detailed original setting, lots of stupid jokes, a mystery or two, and some fumbling attempts at heroism. Join our cast of teen Guardians as they protect their Goddess from monsters, traps, social awkwardness, bread mold, and murderous ancient deities—among other things.
u/_higglety says: “ A bunch of dorky teens are in charge of body guarding the teenage incarnation of their goddess, and things go about as well as you would expect.”

Dice, Camera, Action (complete)
Five disaster teens find themselves the accidental wielders of elemental power suits and mecha steeds while charged with defending the earth... but their own messy lives threaten to be a bigger threat than robot kaiju, desiccated zombies, fae warriors, or a bigger menace from within. A fusion of tabletop RPG and radio drama, CHAMPIONS OF THE EARTH features an original game system and stars veteran streamers, comics pros, and indie game designers in a fast-paced high-production-value sonic adventure stretching from the halls of high school to enchanted taverns to the dark side of the moon.

Dice Shame (ongoing)
Comedy, action and a whole lot of shaming come together in Dice Shame, an Actual Play Podcast of Storm King's Thunder by Wizards of the Coast! Join our GM Jo; her partner Harlan, his brother Alex & their best friends Justin and Rob as they tackle the daunting world of Faerun in this legendary adventure module!
u/thelirivalley says: a play through of storm kings thunder with a great amount of comedy, mechanics, action and improv. Stars a brother team and a couple which is always fun to see and has great editing with audio effects and music.

Dinosaur Park: The 1986 Tabletop RPG (ongoing)
In the spring of 2016 we unearthed the long-forgotten 1986 Tabletop RPG that is Dinosaur Park and decided to have a quick game. This is the result.
In the following months we were able to track down the rare and much-beloved sequel, Dinosaur World: The Post-Apocalyptic RPG for Ages 10 and up and once again, have a quick game.
Finally, it wasn't until late 2017 that we were able to seek out Dinosaur Universe: The 2001 Space Simulator and once more again have a quick game.
u/Yorkton says: Initially it starts out as them trying to survive Dinosaur Park and progressively goes further and further batshit insane. Character names include Vince Vaughn, Mr. Jumanji, Mr. and Mrs. Elijah Wood (no relation).”

Dive Cloud: A Tabletop Podcast (ongoing)
Jazz music, wacky robots, and a world on the edge of technomagic revolution. But mostly friends just having fun! Join us in our D&D 5e Podcast

DnDnD (ongoing)
Join us for an adventure that's part dinner party and all improvised role-play! Each episode six friends combine forces to weave a tale of fantasy, food, and fun in a home-brewed D&D campaign. There's powerful spells, magic horses, other realms, and enough excitement and laughs for everyone to get seconds.
u/SkyRogue77 says: “The world building is amazing. They do go a little heavier on the game mechanics but the characters are fun and the people who do it have been friends for such a long time that they play off each other flawlessly. Sure it's a tad bit more serious than this podcast but definitely in the same vein.”

Dragon Friends (ongoing)
Meet Philge the Half-Orc Barbarian, Freezo the High Elf Warlock, Halfling Rogue Bobby Pancakes and Baston Indrirovich as they quest through the magical world of Faerun and beyond. Dragon Friends is a monthly comedy show and podcast where six Australian comedians muddle their way through their first Dungeons & Dragons campaign. Heads up, it gets weird, quick.
u/mooseburrito says: “Similarly light on the rules/gameplay mechanics but absolutely absurd and funny. It's run by a great group of Aussie comedians and they're starting season 6 this year. just note tho: audio quality on the first season is a little iffy and its recorded live in a theatre in Sydney”

Dumb-Dumbs & Dragons (ongoing)
Dumb-Dumbs & Dragons is a Dumb-Dumbs & Dice podcast where improvisers who’ve never roleplayed before journey into the world of Dungeons & Dragons. The show is hosted by our dungeon master, Tom McGee, and our regular players: the sneaky Tyler Hewitt, the brilliant Laura Elizabeth, and the flatulent Ryan LaPlante. With special guest comedians joining us on our journey, follow our heroes as they begin their adventures!

Dungeons and Randomness (ongoing)
Three groups play D&D in Theria. Their choices shape the world and each other. New to the podcast? Start with "Arc 3: Episode 1" and dive into the action!

The Film Reroll (ongoing)
We take famous movies and play through them as if they were a role playing game. Instead of all those pesky writers carefully crafting a plot, we let the dice decide and go from there. Inevitably it all goes completely off the rails. With Paulo Quiros, Jocelyn Vammer, Jon Miller and Pitr Strait.
u/ocleeu says: “They play through movies as rpgs, which occasionally leads things going off the rails in hilarious and amazing fashion. It’s not a single long-form campaign, but each movie is usually 2-3 episodes (with a couple outliers on either end). They don’t use D&D as their system, but it’s definitely a similar comedic improv vibe”

Find the Path (ongoing)
Welcome Pathfinders! With no other option available our heroes return to the Vault of Hidden Wisdom to hopefully find the last of the clues they originally came to Tephu searching for, and perhaps finally set out with Falto’s caravan into the Parched Dunes…
u/Lysdexicandvolingit says: "It's great because it feels like sitting down at the table with your friends. The FtP crew really know the Pathfinder system and that helps keep the pace high and lets the role playing shine through. Plus the cast is really active on FindthePathPodcast!"

Friends at the Table (multiple campaigns, ongoing)
Friends at the Table is an actual play podcast about critical worldbuilding, smart characterization, and fun interaction between good friends.
The Glass Cannon Podcast (ongoing)
In the spirit of old-school tabletop role-playing games, a collection of five super-nerds engage in an Actual Play podcast of Paizo's Giantslayer Adventure Path. Using the rules of the Pathfinder RPG system, the Glass Cannon interweaves immersive storytelling with irreverent, improvised humor to deliver the experience of what it's really like to sit around a table rolling dice and ball-busting with your best buds.
u/ardeerd says: “It's definitely more game, but it's hilarious. The DM is tough on the players and the players are good at the game, so it also keeps me on the edge of my seat a lot (there were close calls to death within the first 10 episodes).”

Greetings Adventurers (ongoing, formerly Drunks and Dragons)
Greetings, Adventurers! (Formerly Drunks and Dragons) is an award-winning actual-play, comedy podcast using Dungeons and Dragons as a framework for creating a (mostly) improvised narrative.

Join the Party (multiple campaigns, ongoing)
A collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast where friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that everyone from seasoned players to true beginners can enjoy. Where else can you get adventure, intrigue, magic, drama, and lots of high fives all in one place? Right here.
u/afloodbehind says: “a great podcast that's liberal on the rules and generous with the laughs.”

LoFi Voyages (on haitus)
A homebrew 5th-edition D&D podcast about five prisoners, a boat, and a fog slowly devouring the world. Updates weekly.

Nerd Poker (ongoing)
Each week, under dark of night, in a dining room in Encino, a group of warriors led by Brian Posehn plays Dungeons & Dragons and you’re invited to attend!

NeoScum (ongoing)
NeoScum is a future-fantasy comedy podcast featuring five Chicago improvisers antagonizing their way through the roleplaying classic, Shadowrun. It follows a group of misfits and outsiders: a chromehead decker, a teenage candy-junky klepto, a kid's show wizard with a petulant thirst for adventure, and the nastiest trucker this side of the robo-Mason-Dixon. Join the irascible NeoScum crew as they make their way across a strange but familiar America in 2077, doling out street justice to every deeb they encounter – whether they deserve it or not.
u/AllenDJoe45 says: By far one of my favorite TTRPG actual play podcasts. A group of rowdy shadow runners in the dystopian cyberpunk future 2077 aggro every NPC they encounter as they take a road trip across North America. Kinda raunchy but trust me its super worth it (the quality isn't the best in ep1-5 but it gets so much better, like award winning better)

Oneshot (multiple games, ongoing)
One Shot is a podcast about role playing games. Every month, host and Game Master James D'Amato leads a group of players on a self-contained adventure. Every adventure will be wrapped up in 4-5 episodes in time for a new story, in a new system, with new players the following month. One Shot will explore ever RP system possible to give listeners a sampling of the possibilities in the wide wild of role playing.

Oxventure (ongoing, YouTube only)
Dice, danger and dubious spells! The Oxventure crew from Outside Xbox and Outside Xtra enter the imagination-fuelled world of Dungeons & Dragons! Jane is Prudence, a Tiefling Warlock with the hots for Cthulhu; Luke is Dob, a half-Orc Bard armed with the soothing lullabies of the Venga Boys, Ellen is Merilwen, a Wood Elf Druid with an affinity for animals, Egbert is a Paladin with penchant for explosives and Andy is dread pirate Corazón de León, a Human Rogue who has always been a fearsome pirate, why wouldn’t he have been, there's no secret backstory, stop asking.
u/TheShurley says: “If you're looking for light-hearted and funny over more serious role-play, as well as a British sense of humour, this is the one to go for.”

Pretend Friends (ongoing)
Pretend Friends is an actual play pen and paper podcast. Currently ‘venturin in Space Kings. Starring Nick, Paul, and Josh from Continue?! as well as Kevin Cole!

The Roaring Trainers (on hiatus)
We take famous movies and play through them as if they were a role-playing game. Instead of all those pesky writers carefully crafting a plot, we let the dice decide and go from there. Inevitably it all goes completely off the rails. With Paulo Quiros, Jocelyn Vammer, Jon Miller and Pitr Strait.

Rude Tales of Magic (ongoing)
Branson Reese and his jester's retinue, Christopher Hastings, Carly Monardo, Tim Platt, Joe Lepore, and Ali Fisher, buck and bumble through the magical backwater world of Cordelia. One hopes you enjoy both japes AND scrapes, because honestly, it would be impossible to disentangle one from the other, given their profound entwinement in this particular piece of entertainment.
u/TheBigBubNubbs says: “If you are looking for a good laugh and great characters, then check out this podcast called "Rude Tales of Magic". It is still new, but definitely worthwhile.”

Second Best (ongoing)
Second Best: A DnD Adventure is a real-play D&D 5e comedy podcast created by NYC improvisers.
Second Best follows the adventures of Bug, Yolanda, Gail, and Hue in a fantasy realm called Milarien. They’re not the finest adventurers in the land - a fact they’re reminded of a lot - but that won’t stop this determined bunch.
Stephen Bu says: “Lots of group laughs and complex problem-solving. More role play than fights. Good group cohesion.”
u/wesmikel says: “Lots of group laughs and complex problem solving. More role play than fights. Good group cohesion.”

Tabletop for the End of the World (ongoing)
Hundreds of the years into the future, America has fallen to ruin and neglect. To cope with the harsh realities, the Overseers have made it possible to everyone to plug into their True Reality system, but when the Potreblyat Corporation took over, only the rich and influential could stay plugged in.
u/finewithstabwounds says: “It's more drama than comedy but its premise is that 4 guys were in a matrix future with vr pods and stuff but they got kicked out and now they are playing DnD to deal with how bad the world outside is. They do a lot with that storytelling outside of the DnD campaign, and it's like end-of-the-world horror type stuff, but when it gets funny it is really funny.”

Tales of Nowhere (ongoing)
Join us every other Wednesday as we make our way through multiple Tabletop RPGs to tell the story of four charismatic heroes seeking to repair the multiverse. It's a journey of epic proportions that will keep you laughing as you piece together the mystery of the world, the characters, and most importantly, that extra-dimensional Coffee Shop known as Cafe Nowhere.
u/PM_ME_UR_PHOBIAS says: “The team consists of a DM, four players, and an audio specialist. Every one of these six people are talented and focus on quality of content and listener experience. This means they can review/expose their listeners to all that the TTRPG world has to offer, while telling one epic story where the characters are free to grow and change.”

The Titans of All’Terra (ongoing)
Jump into a classic fantasy story, set in the original world of All'Terra, and told through the collaborative story structure of 5th Edition Dungeons & Dragons!
Join Josh, our Dungeon Master, as he leads four unlikely heroes on an adventure that will change their lives and might even save the world!

Twits and Crits (complete)
Follow the Twits through the first three seasons as they save the world from a monstrous invasion.
u/LumpyWumpus says: “It starts pretty normally but quickly goes off the rails in the best way possible.”

Unexpectables (ongoing)
Follow the travels and tribulations of Task the Kobold Ranger, Greckles the Kenku Rogue, Panic the Tiefling Bard, and Borky the Orc Barbarian, as they traverse the dangerous and mysterious lands of Alivast, and the Capital City that hosts a bungle of characters, magic and villains.

You Meet in a Tavern (ongoing)
Follow the continuing epic podcast adventures of Tug, Derf, and Karl (played by Kirk, Jamal, and Bryan) as we navigate our way through our first 5E D&D campaign.
u/Ruairidh_97 says: “Really interesting story, liked how it plays out and the guys don’t take it too seriously either!”

For Fans of At the Mountains of Dadness

Ain’t Slayed Nobody (ongoing)
We are an actual play Call of Cthulhu RPG podcast set in the Old West. Chaosium's Down Darker Trails is our foundation for scenarios. We blend humor and horror with an emphasis on sound design and role playing.

Pretending to be People (ongoing)
Pretending to be People is a mystery/horror role-playing podcast. Join Zach, Thomas, Luke, and Joe as they navigate a terrifying campaign filled with twists, turns, and laughs - all decided on a roll of the dice. Can the officers of the Contention Police Department unravel the mysteries suddenly plaguing their sleepy town? Will they die – or worse – in the attempt? This is an actual play utilizing the game systems of Delta Green and Pulp Cthulhu. This is Pretending to be People.
We are an actual play Call of Cthulhu RPG podcast set in the Old West. Chaosium's Down Darker Trails is our foundation for scenarios. We blend humor and horror with an emphasis on sound design and role-playing.

Welcome to St Paxton (ongoing)
Cthulhu & Friends is a podcast! We play the Call of Cthulhu tabletop roleplaying game using a modified version of the d20 system. Listen as we fight unimaginable beasties and try to maintain our very sanity! Featuring superior role-playing and high production values, we turn actual play into a radio drama experience. For the most optimized listening experience, we suggest you start at Season 4 Episode 1, and then when you've reached the end, go back and take it from Season 1 Episode 1.

Comedy Improv/Storytelling Podcasts


Hello from the Magic Tavern (ongoing)
Arnie Niekamp fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King into the fantastical land of Foon. He's still getting a slight wifi signal, so he uploads a weekly podcast from the tavern the Vermilion Minotaur where he interviews wizards, monsters, and adventurers. It's a major discovery!
u/ga1axygh0st says: “[Hello From the Magic Tavern] is improv comedy set in a DnD-like world. about a guy who gets sucked through a dimensional rift into a magical land with nothing but his podcast equipment so he starts a podcast with a wizard and a talking badgeshapeshifter. It’s a similar vibe to dndads & they have a lot of great guests on.”

Mission to Zyxx (ongoing – Freddie’s Recommendation!)
An improvised science fiction sitcom following a team of ambassadors as they attempt to establish diplomatic relations with planets in the remote and chaotic Zyxx Quadrant… better known as the “ass-end of space.”
If you’re new to Mission to Zyxx, we recommend starting at Episode 1.

Victoriosity (ongoing – Freddie’s Recommendation!)
A detective comedy drama Even Greater London, 1887. In this vast metropolis, Inspector Archibald Fleet and journalist Clara Entwhistle investigate a murder, only to find themselves at the centre of a conspiracy of impossible proportions.
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2020.01.30 15:43 data_dawg Got to see the live show last night!

It felt like a dream come true! I've loved this show since I was a little kid and my dad and I would watch it all the time. I've never been to one of their shows and had NO expectations whatsoever. Well let me just say that if you have only one chance to go, do everything in your power because it was INCREDIBLE and worth every penny. It was a packed house with tons of fans of all ages, sooo many cute families that were there to share the love. Met a guy in line who built and brought his own Tom Servo! Bunches of people in jumpsuits and other cosplays. So freakin cool!! Apparently this is Joel's last tour and he was so great to watch, everyone gave him a standing ovation at the end. I swear I never stopped laughing during the entire show! There were parts I couldn't even see through all the tears from laughing so hard. My face and stomach almost felt bruised from the hilarity lol.
I've been ridiculously depressed recently, job stress and personal issues galore. I've become a sad hermit who's too anxious to leave the house, but I had bought these tickets as a Christmas present to my partner and was determined to make the best of it. After the show and this morning I seriously can't stop smiling. It was like a big dose of medicine, I felt like a giddy child all the way home. It brought back so many memories of my childhood and gave me so many more to cherish.
Just... Thank you a million times over to Joel, the bots, the hilarious cast and wonderful crew. I needed that SO badly and didn't even know it.
submitted by data_dawg to MST3K [link] [comments]


2019.11.25 10:40 NSIMods November 25th, 2019: DarthVarda Interview

Tell us a little about yourself.
I was born and raised in Colorado, am an aspiring polyglot, and split my time between Denver, D.C., Seattle, and Tokyo.
When did you first become interested in horror?
My mom is Japanese. She has some crazy ghost stories about growing up in Matsudo-shi. Some of the best I’ve ever heard. So, I guess you could say it just runs in my blood?
Can we hear one of those ghost stories now?
Sure, why not. When she was a little girl, my mom would go to and from school alone. To get there she’d have to ride the train a decent amount of time. One day, she noticed a woman following her from the train station back to her house. The woman looked…wrong. Long, unkempt hair, sallow skin, sad eyes. The woman always mysteriously disappeared when my mom turned the corner to get into her house. Finally, after a couple days of this happening, my mom went crying to her haha (mom), my obaachan (grandma), and told her everything. Well, my obaachan gets this look on her face and is like, “No, no, no. Don’t look at her, don’t speak with her, not ever.” Finally, it just stopped, and my mom never saw the woman again. Later on, when my mom was older, she asked my obaachan about it and, apparently, a couple years before my mom and her family moved to Matsudo, a woman drowned herself in the well just outside their house. Her body was fished out, given a sōshiki, and cremated, and the well was filled in, but I guess that woman never really left. Spooky shit, man.
Holy cow, that is scary! No wonder you became a horror author. Was there a specific moment you knew you wanted to write in that genre?
My mom let me watch The Exorcist when I was, like, six. Pretty sure that did some damage. Horror is so universal. It’s such a visceral emotion—fear.
Where do you find inspiration? Have real life experiences ever made their way into your work?
Folklore, mainly. And, yeah, definitely. Especially unresolved mysteries. I guess you could say the work the FBI does is, uh, very close to my heart.
Mhmm, we see. jots down "Is possibly a secret agent" on our detective notepad So, uh, what unresolved mystery do you find most fascinating?
Well, technically, I am a public/civil servant who does work for the government, but, unfortunately, I’m neither a secret nor special agent. At least, not yet. Perhaps one day. Maybe.
There’s a fair few unresolved mysteries I find quite fascinating (albeit horribly tragic), particularly cold cases of missing persons. But I won’t get into those on here as I wouldn’t be able to do them justice or maintain the level of respect I think they deserve. So, I’ll stick to this one: Captain Kutchie’s Key Lime Pies. There’s an extremely well written deep dive on this you can find here. It’s just…bizarre.
How did you discover NoSleep? What prompted you to begin writing for it?
Can't remember, actually. The fact that there were no prompts. For me, freedom begets creativity.
Speaking of which, you used to post frequently on /WritingPrompts. Was there anything about that structure you found preferable to NoSleep?
Gotta be honest here, very little about WritingPrompts appeals to me anymore. Back then it was just a way for me to get some words out.
Did you know you would be sharing Cooper's story with us on Nosleep from the beginning? How far in advance did you have his world planned out?
I did. I had it planned out pretty far in advanced. I also knew I wanted to have interconnected stories because I really love world building. Between us, I did have an entirely different trajectory planned out for the plot; basically, I was slowly going to explain what exactly the “black goo” named “Legion” really is, but I nixed it in favor of bringing in The Overseer. My original plan could (and probably will) come back later on. Possibly in a longer format, say a book?
What NoSleep stories and/or authors have had the strongest impact on you?
The Strangest Security Tape I’ve Ever Seen by [deleted] (I know who it’s by, but they did delete their account so I’d like to be respectful of that fact). It’s, in two words, fucking genius.
What's the most terrifying thing you've personally experienced?
Almost dying.
What are some of your biggest influences from media?
Everything from video games to comics to books to movies to TV shows. If I had to choose a single creator from each category though, they'd be, respectively: Miyamoto Shigeru; Jonathan Hickman; Terry Pratchett; Joel OR Ethan Coen; Vince Gilligan.
Other than writing, what are some of your hobbies? What other creative mediums do you enjoy?
Playing video games, reading, stargazing, watching shit, cooking, ranting about conspiracies, and investigative research. Uh, I like to paint.
You've shared some of that love of cooking with readers on your subreddit by posting recipes. Do you have any good recipes for the impending holidays?
Oh, yeah, got just the thing. This’ll be sure to spice up any dreaded familial interactions or help you sink smoothly into those soul crushing moments of existential crises you’ll probably definitely have during this holiday season. All you’ll need is some ice, a glass, some Coke, some Jack Daniels, and your fingers for measuring how strong you want it.
Do you ever explore writing other genres besides horror? If so, what other styles of writing? Which do you prefer?
Yeah, so, I actually don’t consider myself a horror writer. At least, not really, and definitely not in the traditional sense. Most of my non-Reddit stories are science fiction and fantasy, and they're pretty hard and high at that. Which, honestly, is kinda strange since my mentor (as in the guy who taught me the craft for years) is Stephen Graham Jones and one of his good friends is Joe R. Lansdale. Got to shoot the shit with Joe a couple times in workshop. It was wonderful. What do I prefer? Huh, that’s a tough one, but I’d say speculative fiction (a cop out, I know).
Do you find sci-fi and fantasy to be something you consciously include in your Cooper series? Is it ever difficult to maintain a balance between horror and other genres?
I’ve found that, for me, fantasy is a tad harder to blend into horror. Horror and sci fi, though, go really well together. Especially if you can manage that “technothriller” format (which, personally, is what I’d classify most of the Cooperverse as). And not particularly. But I am certain that if I ever posted one of my hard science fiction or high fantasy stories that don’t have that splash of horror mixed in, people would be like, “What the fuck?” They’re shockingly different than my Cooptales.
How much time do you spend writing in an average day or week? Do you have any rituals that help you focus?
Eh, it fluctuates depending on my work schedule. Anywhere from nine hours to none. Rituals? Nah.
Have any of your stories ever involved research? If so, what was involved?
Yep. I always start with research. Anything from a quick scroll through Wikipedia to deep dives down internet rabbit holes to actually traveling out and visiting a place.
How do you keep your universe organized? Do you have it mapped out conspiracy wall style like we do?
Man, I’ve talked about making one of these for years, but I move/travel a lot, so I don’t think it’d be feasible. Instead, I have a slew of horrifyingly poorly written notes spanning across several graph books, scraps of paper I’ve scrounged up or found randomly or stolen, notes on my phone when I can’t find paper or a pen, and even, sometimes, my hand or arm until I can find something better to scribble it onto. Mostly, though, it’s all in my head. Probably not the best place for it to be as I tend to lose my mind a lot (forgive me for that terrible joke).
Your story settings span all over the country; is there a location that particularly interests you?
Louisiana.
Many of your stories feature different cryptids or government conspiracies. Are there any that you'd like to cover and haven't yet?
Yes, several.
Are there any topics you feel are too controversial for you to address or that you prefer not to explore in your writing?
On Reddit? Definitely. Outside of Reddit? Nope.
What are your feelings toward NoSleep's immersion/believability rule? What impact, if any, do you think the suspension of disbelief format may have when transitioning your work toward a mass audience unfamiliar with NoSleep?
Oh, uh, well, at the risk of sounding like a total asshole, I think it’s cute. Do I think the suspension of disbelief format will have an impact if I ever transition my work towards a mass audience? Honestly, no clue. Not nearly even close to touching a mass audience yet. But, I mean, I don't think so. I think consuming something fictional—be it through text or through a screen—will always have that suspension of disbelief factor surrounding it, you know?
Do you have any favorite reader reactions to your writing?
Yeah, the lady who thought I was Cooper in real life and DM’d me asking me to impregnate her. Gotta good chuckle outta that one. That said, people really seem to want to ride Coop's, uh, Ducati. It's absolutely hilarious to me.
Readers have truly embraced Cooper and his cohorts, and are extremely active in your sub dedicated to him, /SuperCooperCanon. What is it about the character that you think resonated so strongly with the community?
Honestly, no idea. I mean, I know I wrote the guy to be “objectively hot”, but attractive people aren’t always that interesting or likable. So, maybe it’s his devil may care attitude and sense of humor that people connect with? He’s also pretty self-reliant and confident and not afraid to show that, yes, a “tough guy” can (and does) cry/show emotions/empathize.
Occasionally, you've referenced users' comments on one story in the next, or included hints and codes that tie certain stories together. Are there any major Easter eggs you wish your readers would crack?
Yeah, probably. I mean, I recently went back and reread all the stories (including all the supplementals) in the ‘verse in one sitting (took me a short six hours, there’s around 300,000 words) and even I was like, “Well, shit, totally forgot I was supposed to be doing something with that…my bad.” So, I can’t really hold anything against anyone for not catching everything.
What story or project are you most proud of?
You mean besides all the shit involving Spooky McSpooks? Because it’s that. I mean, the asshole has the name of a goddamn dog yet somehow still manages to be the smoothest guy in the room? C’mon.
You recently revealed the relationship between Cooper and Elle. Considering his last romantic interest is out of the running, will Cooper ever find love? waggles eyebrows
Oh…uh…shit…I plead the fifth. I will say this, though, someone I know in real life has been all but begging me to write a “Cooprotica” for ages now. Will I do it? I don’t know. If I did, I’d cringe so hard I’d turn into a black hole and consume the entire galaxy.
There have been Cooper sightings since the 1980s, leading fans to speculate that either these were of his father or that Cooper is somehow ageless. Can you shed any light on which theory is correct?
Sure. It’s his “dad”.
In The Mojave Phone Booth, '80s Cooper has The Overseer's outfit in his car. Does this mean what we think it does...?
Probably.
There's an isolated cabin with a locked door that Elle doesn't particularly want to talk about. Do we catch a glimpse of what happened there in My first job was at a video rental store?
Sure did.
Cooper had a falling out with a squadmate that went by Shepherd. Was this at all related to the two agents that have been out to get him?
Kinda? I think he was more disappointed in Coop than anything else. There are things they’ve said to each other that I haven’t shown yet. Shep is an interesting guy. His story arc isn’t over.
Which installment in the series was your favorite to write so far? What set that one apart?
Oh, shit. This is a tough one. I’ve got a lot of favorites, mainly because the first person I write them for is myself, and I’m an idiot who giggles at my own dumb jokes I intersperse throughout them, like, a lot. But, if I absolutely had to chose one, I’d say…shit. This is hard. Huh. Uhhh. I don’t know? Maybe my most recent one? Just because that fucker was long. So long I ran outta character space and had to put part of it over on my subreddit as a “supplemental” even though it was part of the same story. I’m also pretty fond of my DIA story and the Bridgewater Triangle one. Also, the ones from Mrs. Popov’s perspective. And all the stories surrounding “The Hollow” (Inbred Family, Shit for Brains, Chekhov’s Bazooka, Unexpected Forces).
You've mentioned working on adapting the Cooperverse into novel form. Have you experienced any unexpected challenges or advantages during that process? How has writing with the intent of being published differed from posting to Reddit?
Man, I’m like the boy who cried wolf with those novel promises, huh? But, yes, the short, simple answer is yes. The long answer is, well, long. And I feel like I have to be extremely careful here since people can get, uh, very touchy about publishing, especially when it comes to being traditionally published versus independently published versus self-published. Truth be told, I don’t know how comfortable I am with answering these questions. So, I guess, that’s one of the biggest challenges: Trying to speak about the ins and outs of getting published in a way that won’t offend or piss off anyone else?
Man, honestly, this is something I have a lot to say about but have never felt comfortable doing so.
Sorry.
How much do we have to bribe you to publish a book of the series as it's laid out now, an anthology of everyone's encounters with Cooper?
Unfortunately, money (and most material possessions) ain’t a thang to me, so I can’t be bought. In all seriousness, though, it just doesn’t feel right charging money for things people can consume for free, you know? And even if I did put anything out there that was purchasable, I’m a perfectionist, so it’d have to be spiffed up, like, a lot. That’d take some time.
What's the most valuable lesson you've learned since you began posting to NoSleep?
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life."
As a successful author on NoSleep, do you have any advice for new contributors?
Be careful. Attention and ephemeral internet points can be (and often are) highly addictive. And addiction is bad, mmkay?
What are your short-term and long-term writing goals?
Short term: Write.
Long term: Keep writing.
Community Questions:
From MagpieRhymes: Where did you inspiration for Cooper et al come from? Did he arrive in your mind, fully-formed, or did it take time to develop his story?
He’s an amalgamation of a lot of things. Both folks I know in real life and characters like (in no particular order) Leon Scott Kennedy, Hermione Granger, Samus, Geralt of Rivia, Master Chief, Fox Mulder, Aloysius XL Pendergast, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, StrideAragorn II, Ellen Ripley, Jim Hopper, Lyra Belacqua, Sam Vimes, Link, Dale Cooper, and so on and so forth. I always knew that Coop was, first and foremost, going to be a smartass, but it did take a little bit of time to develop him into who he is now. His “personality” is subject to change, though, since I’m trying to make him as round of a character as I possibly can.
Submitted anonymously: Your Cooperverse stories are amazing. They're like a Lovecraftian Twilight Zone X-Files mashup, but better. How do you keep your plotlines from getting away from you? And what is your inspiration for the Overseer? Thank you so much for sticking with the stories for so long. Sincerely, a longtime fan
Whoa, damn, slow down there, buddy. Uh, first of all, fucking thank you. That’s high praise. Those are definitely three of my favorite things. Better, though? I dunno about that. And, hey, thanks for sticking with me so long, fucking flattered, man. Second, I honestly don’t know how I maintain all the plotlines. I guess I just have a knack for it? And some pretty badly written notes. Third, huh, what an interesting question. He’s kinda like The Smoking Man mixed with Vader mixed with a maniacal comic-book villain.
Submitted anonymously: Do you ever get tired of writing Cooper, or feel limited to only posting in that realm? Have you ever posted from an alt account?
Never posted from an alt account, scout’s honor; only have one reddit account because that’s all I can handle (I’m a bit of a technophobe). To answer your second question, well
So, Coop is really fun to write and I’m a huge dork for conspiracies, but do I feel limited? A little. I mean, people pretty much only know me as that one asshole who only writes about that one asshole who always “saves” the day. And, despite trying to break from that trend, I can’t really blame ‘em. It’s entirely my fault; I’ve shoehorned myself into that position. This has limited me in two ways: people who, uh, aren’t particularly fond of me don’t actually believe I can write anything else, but then when I’ve tried to (and try I have), people who do like me quite a bit are upset that it’s not a Coop story. Fucked if I do, fucked if I don’t, you know?
Submitted anonymously: I love your work so much! Thank you for writing such great characters. Do you have a mental dream cast of who you'd like to see play any of them?
Hey, thanks, I’m truly honored. And thank you for your readership! That said, yeah, I do for some of my characters, but not all of the people I could see “as them” are professional actors or public figures I could freely name. If the Cooperverse ever went somewhere, you know, “big”, whoever plays Coop would probably have to be a complete unknown since there’s really no one currently working I could see playing him. Or, I’d have to do what Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child did with Pendergast in the movie adaptation of their book Relic and take him out completely. That’s no fun.
From EbilCrayons: When you first started writing for nosleep did you have ambitions of becoming populasuccessful or did it take you by complete surprise?
I mean, I’d take “populasuccessful” with a grain of goddamn salt, it’s not like I’m raking in the updoots over here. But, I will say, I do have a very dedicated fan base—(shit, I feel like a giant asshole with a giant head tootin’ my goddamn horn and it makes me uncomfortable as hell)—to whom I owe a lot to and am very fond of; seriously, they’re all fucking amazing. So, yeah, that kinda took me by surprise.
Submitted anonymously: Do you see any similarities between yourself and Cooper or any of your other characters?
I’ve always said that I’m nothing like Coop, but my good friends (who know me pretty well) all insist that I am. So, I guess I do? Not to (once again) toot my own horn or anything, but I’ve been told by a decent number of people that I’m fairly attractive and witty. Waitresses, people on the street, my coworkers, even teachers have all (at one time or another) called me cute and funny and shit, and it’s embarrassing as fuck. Also, I’m willing to bet that both people in real life who don’t like me and who do would absolutely all agree on one thing: that I’m a huge smartass. Always gotta be quippin’ about something or at someone with this dumb shit eating grin on my face. But, personally, I’d say I’m most like Coop’s Ducati or Scrambles. His Ducati because my words are essentially the “vehicle” he rides from plot point to plot point. Scrambles because—as cringe as this sounds—Coop kinda saved me too.
Submitted anonymously: If you were able to spend the day with any figure in the horror community (author, director, actor, etc.), who would you choose and why?
John Carpenter. Because he’s a fucking geniusman, that’s why.
Submitted anonymously: Your house is on fire, and your family is safe outside. What book do you grab before joining them?
Fuck. Shit. Uh…fuck. Shit. I’ll come back to this one. Shit came back to it and still don’t know. Fuck. Hold on. Okay, went and looked through all my books (and comics), and, I mean, I could say something cool like, “Oh, my first edition copy of Insert Discworld Novel Here,” or something smartassy like, “Oh, the Bible haha j/k 69 420,” or something clever like, “Embracing Defeat because it’s such an important deep dive into pre and post war Japan,” but, honestly, I’m gonna have to go with Still Life with Crows. Sure, it’s not the greatest book in the world and certainly not the most well-known, but goddamn I fucking love that fucking book.
Submitted anonymously: Would you/have you ever collaborate(d) with anyone else on nosleep? Is there anyone you'd like to work with?
I haven’t. I’m quite shy. Also, very busy. I wouldn’t want to let anyone (or, worse, multiple people) down by agreeing to do something I wouldn’t be able to follow through on. Of course I do, but, again, I’m shy and I fear mentioning anyone by name would put me in a precarious position of either them being like, “Let’s do it,” and then me just not being able to or (more likely), them recoiling in disgust and saying, “No. Absolutely not. And never, ever utter my username ever again.”
From Knoxx899: I feel like the Super Cooper series would make an awesome graphic novel, wouldn't you agree?
I would absolutely agree.
Submitted anonymously: Favorite guilty pleasure?
Haha, oh man oh man.
So, a year or so ago I had this awesome coworker who was, oddly enough, really into reading romance novels. And, I mean, not gonna shit on them (too much) for that, people can read whatever the fuck they want (so long as it’s not really hurting anyone else, of course). Well, one day, because I’m a smartass with a shit eating grin who won’t shut the fuck up at work, they dared me to read one.
They were all like, “Hey, DV, bet you can’t finish one of these, you fucking goddamn asshole of a person.” They knew I’m a voracious reader who will read just about anything, especially if someone does that whole reverse psychology shit on me. So, I was all like, “Oh, you’re on,” and I did.
It was titled, shit you not, Dreaming of a White Wolf Christmas. And it was about, again shit you fucking not, an unbelievably sexy writer who, as a child, was bitten by a wolf shifter. Yep, you read that correctly. So, because of this, she has to isolate herself and is all sad and lonely and like, “Oh, woe is me, my fertility clock is ticking,” because, you know, every so often she turns into a goddamn wolf and also, as I’m sure everyone is well aware, all women care/think about is having babies.
Well, enter hot as motherfucking hell private investigator, Owen, who—fucking surprise—is also a wolf shifter. If I remember correctly, he can smell when she’s “in heat” or something ridiculous. Anyway, so begins his attempts to woo her to join his pack and have his, uh, pups. It was godawful, but it was also, at the same time, absolutely fucking hilarious. Unintentionally of course.
I went on to read another book by this same author called SEAL Wolf in Too Deep. As you might’ve guessed, it’s about an ex-Navy SEAL who’s a wolf shifter (you can’t see it but I’m fucking cracking up as I’m writing this). He’s all hot as hell and broken and sad and shit and his (unbelievably attractive and I think much younger) police partner is like, “Oh, b-but senpai…I-I can heal your broken heart.”
Godawful, just the worst, funniest fucking shit I’ve ever read.
This lady, Terry Spear, apparently has a couple different series going on; some have Navy SEALs who shift into wolves, some are just billionaires who shift into wolves, some are bad boys who shift into—get this—cougars, some are just those terribly exotic Highlanders who are hot and rugged and ripped and (only sometimes) shift into wolves.
Next on my list is Between a Wolf and a Hard Place. Because, I mean, with a title like that how could I not read it? C’mon.
And now you know all my secrets.
Submitted anonymously: Favorite song lyric?
This is always subject to change, so don’t judge me too harshly.
“I was runnin’ down the road, tryin’ to loosen my load, got seven women on my mind, four that wanna own me, two that wanna stone me, one said she’s a friend of mine.”
Fun fact: I’ve actually stood on that corner in Winslow, Arizona. Yep. I seriously made the drive out there specifically because of that song. Literally all I did was drive all the way out there, stand on the corner as mysteriously as I could manage before hopping back into my car and taking off. Aren’t I quirky as shit?
Submitted anonymously: Which actor who's played James Bond do you think would be the best job at portraying Cooper?
Okay, so, here’s the thing, I see people saying this a lot, that Coop is like James Bond, and I kinda just laugh because who am I to shit on anyone’s opinions? Well, I’m doing it now. I’m sorry, but I just have to nip this in the bud before it keeps on growin’. Cooper is not at all like James Bond. Sure, there’s maybe like a single thing that is similar between them (being good with weapons), but I hand to heart believe there are many, many more things that set them apart. For one, Coop is decidedly not a womanizer and would always ask for consent. I’d even go as far as to say he’s extremely discerning when it comes to sleeping with people. Him, uh, “wooing” someone would be a pretty rare occurrence. Secondly, Coop doesn’t often kill with extreme prejudice. In fact, he’s more likely to do the opposite and let people go. Third, I specifically made him a beer man to show just how down to earth and unpretentious he really is. Fourth, James Bond is a goddamn psychopath. Yeah, I said it. And I’ve tried to go out of my way to show just how empathetic and caring and concerned Coop really is. (I’m not mad!! You’re mad!) But, if I was forced to choose one, I’d reluctantly say Daniel Craig.
From ByfelsDisciple: What do you think is your most underrated story? Your most overrated?
All of them are both underrated and overrated at the same time because I tend to fluctuate between extreme self-loathing and sickening cockiness.
From Poppy_moonray: Several of your stories take place in the southwest US. As someone who lives there, I can confirm shit gets real weird. Do you have any personal favorite urban legends/mythos from the region?
Shit gets real, real weird out there, don’t it? Well, there’s, of course, all the American Indian lore surrounding the place, but, out of respect for them, I won’t get into that. Rather, I’m gonna say government conspiracies. Shocker, I know. Particularly D.U.M.B.’s. Which are: Deep Underground Military Bases. I may or may not have written about one or two of those...
If you had to live in one of Joe R. Lansdale's literary worlds (a Joe R. Landscape, if you will), which would you choose and why? Would you be an existing character, yourself, or adopt a new identity?
Man, I honestly wouldn’t wanna live in any of that guy’s universes. They’re all so gruesome and unflinching and fucked. But, if I had to choose, probably Batman: The Animated Series. I’d be myself, meaning, I’d probably never even see Batman and my life would essentially be the same ole shit as it is now.
What fruit do you empathize with most strongly? What fruit fills you with an unbridled fury?
This is, uh, an odd question. Huh. This’ll really make or break me as a cool person, won’t it? Well, let me start with the unbridled fury one first. Coconuts. Fucking bastards. They technically can be classified as a fruit, a nut, and/or a seed. What the fuck are you, coconuts? Also, have you ever tried opening one of those fuckers? Emergency room visit waiting to happen. What fruit do I empathize with? Bananas. They look like dicks.
Were they any worthy new additions to your regular spooky October viewing list this year?
Yeah, I didn’t post the list this year because I was busy as hell. Apologies. Candyman was great. So was Halloween II, the part where he walks into the glass and it just fuckin’ shatters had me cracking up. C.H.U.D. was right up my alley as was The Gate. The Invitation was weird and really captured that feeling of social anxiety well. Rosemary’s Baby was real good, possibly the scariest movie I’ve seen in a while (and not just because it was directed by Polanski, that absolute disgusting piece of actual shit). But, I have to say, by far the best movie I’ve watched this year (and during my Halloween viewing) was Troll 2. Holy shit, I cannot describe in words how amazing that movie is. Oh my god, I love it with all my heart. Eddie (Gus’s boy) did a pretty great overview of it, but, honestly, please, please watch it if you ever get a chance.
When stalking you diligently researching for your interview, I came upon this comment you made for /WritingPrompts about a melancholy sentient potato. I have since spent nearly all my waking moments consumed with thoughts about what this potato has been up to. Can we please get a brief follow-up? <3
Hahaha, oh shit. That has to be my crown jewel of my Reddit writing “career”. I love that story. I’d say that the potato went down a dark, spiraling journey of self-discovery and came out the other side covered in weeds and baked as fuuuuuck.
From OnyxOctopus: How do you take your tea? What kind would you like? One lump or two? How many snickerdoodles can I get you? Are you warm enough? If not, I can get you a hand-crocheted afghan! Would you like one?
Cold, unsweetened, mugicha. Though, I’m a big fan of (hot) Earl Grey, matcha, and sencha. Uh, are you offering me cookies? As many I can fit into my face. How soon can you get them to me? Oh, shit. I’d love one, but, please, don’t feel obligated to make one, those look like they take quite a bit of time and I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you at all (it’s beautiful by the way).
Submitted anonymously: What were your influences for writing the Super Cooper series? Obviously the parallels to Agent Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks are very obvious (I mean even the name is the same LOL!) But what influenced you to write such a long series in this sort of world with this much scope? I could see the series going on forever and would love if it did so!
You know that quote, and I’m paraphrasing here, be the person you needed when you were younger? Well, I felt like I couldn’t be that person, so, I wrote him. I’ve had my fair share of hardships and I’ve also seen some fucked up shit. The world can be a bad, bad, disgusting, unfair, evil place. So, just knowing that someone was out there doing whatever he could to make the world a teeny tiny bit better—even if he wasn’t actually real—cheered me right the fuck up. And I think others have picked up on that; I’ve gotten quite a few DM’s telling me how much Coop and his escapades have cheered them up as well. So, I guess that influenced me?
Hey, forever’s a long time now. Hopefully, I’ll be able to manage that.
Submitted anonymously: I mostly just wanted to say that Cooper's stories have really distracted me from studying for my finals but I still wouldn't change a thing, thank you!! What's the most fun thing you've gotten to do lately?
You’re very welcome, but, shit, go study for your finals! My stories will be waiting for you in the meantime. So, my friends got me a bunch of video games recently for a thing, been playing those during any downtime I have. They’re all quite fun. (Disco Elysium, Untitled Goose Game, Pony Island, The Hex, Night in the Woods, Overcooked, and Wargroove.)
From HateyMcHateFace: When is the super cooper book coming out and please make it so I can get it in Brazil? Also, how are you? Hope you’re doing great. Cheers.
When it comes out, I’ll personally ship you one, how’s that? I’m just short of perfect, man, hope you’re doing great as well.
Submitted anonymously: Have you thought about releasing book collections of the Canon? I'd love to have Coop in my library, and it would be easier to make my friends read it if I could buy them a physical copy.
Haha, for fuck’s sake, people, I get it! You want a book. I’m flattered as hell and also deeply sorry it’s taken me so long to get it out there, but, I have to say, please don’t force anyone to read anything, not even the Cooperverse. That said, of course I’ve thought about releasing a book collecting all of the canon. Will I do it? Eh. I’m not really keen on charging anything for words I’ve plastered online for free. But, I am working on something else that just might be worth a few dollars and some change. Promise it’ll be worth the wait.
Submitted anonymously: Which of your stories has been the most difficult to write, and why?
I think the most recent ones (the ones I’ve been writing after my long, uh, “hiatus”). Coop’s really been experiencing “the dark night of the soul.” He’s gone from, “Hey, I can do this,” to “Hey, this is all sorts of fucked up and maybe, just maybe, I can’t do anything at all.” Real wake up call for him. Hope he comes out the other side okay.
From _Pebcak_: Who shot first—Han or Greedo?
Oh ho ho. So, in the original version of Star Wars IV: A New Hope, Han Solo is forced over to a table at blasterpoint in the local cantina by Greedo--one of Jabba the Hut's minions. Greedo is there to bring Han to Jabba (or extort him) and, during their enitre conversation, has his blaster pointed at Han. Well, they have their little chat and then, suddenly, Han quick-draws his own blaster and shoots Greedo point blank in the chest, killing him.
Now, in the 20th anniversary rerelease, Lucas did was Lucas does best and fucked this all up, uh, I mean, "remastered" this. The above scene is edited (badly) to show Greedo firing first, and missing at point blank range. Not only does this make him look incredibly incompetent, it ruins the tension because Greedo can't hit shit with a blaster. I mean, he's like two feet away! Han was never in any real danger if Greedo misses from two feet away! But, more than that, it fucking obliterates Han's entire character development. Han is a rogue, he's no hero. By having him shoot first we learn this real fast; Han doesn't give a shit about fighting fair or for honor. He plays by his own rules, you know, as rogues do. His main motivator is looking out for a single thing: Himself. By changing the scene, Lucas effectively neuters this fact and turns Han into just another cliched hero archetype.
That's not Han.
Han shot first.
Han always shot first.
The "remastered" version can suck it.
Submitted anonymously: What question did you want to be asked that didn’t get asked?
I’m honestly surprised no one has asked if I’m a chick or a dude. My response to that would, of course, be: Does it matter?
Is it easy writing two stories every time you post? Why have you done this to yourself? Response: It is, in fact, not easy. And because I’m an absolute idiot, that’s why.
If your mom is from Japan, where’s your dad from? Response: North Carolina. Which is probably why most of my stories have that particular “twanged up” style people have come to recognize (well, that and because Stephen and Joe are both from East Texas…it rubbed off on me).
And finally: Why the hell is Coop always at libraries? Response: because he doesn’t have an office and is a huge unapologetic goddamn nerd.
Diggin’ divin’ into Darth's diegesis?
Check out all of Cooper's capers over at /SuperCooperCanon!
NoSleepInterviews would like to say a secret underground complex filled with mystery, intrigue, and creatures untold worth of thank yous to the eternally lovely and exquisitely talented darthvarda for indulging our Cooper obsession and granting us this marvelous interview! Your wonderful words were just the droids we were looking for, and we know the force will be with you and Spooky on all your future journeys! <3
We'll see you back here next month when our sugar daddy gets weird and asks us to deck the halls with the extraordinary EaPAtbp! We'll be hanging her interview on the NSI chimney with care on Monday, December 23rd, and taking all your holly jolly questions for her in /NoSleepOOC on Monday, December 16th!
submitted by NSIMods to NoSleepInterviews [link] [comments]


2019.10.22 03:58 rhonnie14 THROWBACK: I Saw Someone Dumping Bodies Off In Our Neighborhood

This was my last week living at Lake Blackshear, Georgia. My wife Holly had recently had our son, so rather than living out in the boondocks, I went ahead and bought us a cozy home on St. Simon's Island. We were moving Thursday, and she couldn't wait. For me though... well, there were some aspects of our house I was gonna miss.
For one thing, having the lake out back was glorious. Shit, I never even owned a boat or went swimming, but waking up to the sight of Blackshear felt exhilarating. A true snapshot of the serene beauty of rural Georgia.
And for living in such a wealthy neighborhood, no one ever bothered us. You see, most of the houses here were vacation homes. During the winter, River Road was basically a ghost town. Not to mention most of these houses had been abandoned since the Recession. I even had my realtor try to dupe me into buying another one, but I wasn't falling for that shit. Dr. Alan Brooks may have just been a jack-of-all trades/master-of-none at Albany Memorial Hospital, but bad investing wasn't one of them.
Overall, to say Holly and me were isolated would be an understatement. Lake Blackshear was like a haven for the wealthy and elderly. The closest "city" we had was Warwick which is one of the most notorious speed traps in the southeast. I guess they needed more than Stripling's sausages to support their local economy.
Of course, there were more reasons for the move than just family and location. My job was getting worse. Much worse. Nothing that I did was wrong, but the stress and drama was getting to me. My co-workers had turned the place into fucking Grey's Anatomy minus the show's warm jokes and sentimental side plots. Goddamn, Albany Memorial was a mess. At just forty-six, I'd felt like the last fifteen years of my life I'd aged in dog years. I had to get off this sinking ship and sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow was my last day of work there. My last day to report to our asylum-like emergency room. I was overcome with anticipation for the move. An excitement I hadn't felt since Holly had our son Michael. I felt rejuvenated. Such was the relief of having the burden that was the hospital lifted off my shoulders.
Yet here I was on my off-day. Up at 6 A.M. like a solder who'd never got over their morning routine. Dressed in my sweats and SuperJew hoodie, I was ready to get back in session with Mother Nature.
I always loved my morning runs. You can call it fun or healthy, but for me, it's therapeutic. Even on these frigid November mornings, there's nothing like finishing off a can of Monster before running out into the cold.
Bracing myself for the wind sweeping off the lake like spirits emerging from the water, I looked out a kitchen window. I had maybe an hour until daylight.
Reflective, I realized St. Simon's would only be fucking colder when I made my mark on their roads next week. But oh well. At least, there'd be people around me. At least, we'd be near a community. And near the beach. And most importantly, Holly would be happy. That's what mattered most.
Using my phone as a flashlight, I made my way out into the darkness. The cold breeze hit me like bullets fired by an opposing army. But I fought back and took off in a steady jog. Right down my driveway and onto River Road.
The neighborhood was usually dead and today (tonight?) was no different. There wasn't a car in sight. No lights on in any of the huge houses. With the stars still out, I felt like I was jogging through outer space. A sea of darkness.
Right now, it was just Alan and nature. And the cold. All while Big Country's "In A Big Country" played through my earbuds.
Soon, my shivering gave way to pumping adrenaline. Heavy breathing. I could even feel sweat in this forty-degree temperature.
The further I got down River Road, the houses began to morph into overgrown undeveloped properties. Properties that'd suffered deteriorating conditions and prices over the last ten years. No one was buying this shit...
I saw the cul-de-sac up ahead. Well, if you wanna call it that. A cul-de-sac as in the developers just said fuck it and abandoned River Road by no longer building the actual road. Like an incomplete section at the top of a skyscraper.
Beyond the dead end was just woods. A burgeoning forest complete with lakefront property that would likely never be settled. Basically, the perfect spot for Holly's dogs to piss and shit during our afternoon walks. I guess the realtors could always pitch it as a perk. Live on River Road and live adjacent to a park! ... More like live next to a fucking jungle.
Thinking it was time for a breather, I strolled up to the end of the cul-de-sac. I paused Billy Joel's "Big Shot." Panting like an exasperated dog, I breathed heavy. I could see my air escape my lips in constant bursts. Lowering my phone, I looked off at the woods. The can of Monster had caught up to me. Maybe I could imitate my dogs and go take a piss out in the woods myself...
I took a few steps into the collection of wet tall grass. Then I came to a nervous stop. About twenty feet away, down a dirt path, was a pair of lights. Tail lights that cut through the darkness like torches.
Uneasy, I yanked out my earbuds and turned off my phone's light. In the rural silence, I heard the steady hum of an engine. What would a fucking car be doing back here...
I looked all around me. I was all alone with nothing but derelict properties for company. But something was odd... it wasn't even dawn and someone besides the Brooks family was here on River Road.
Clinging to my cell, I approached the car with cautious steps. I could see the vehicle's headlights were facing to the right. Straight on at the majestic lake.
I was going so slow, the cold had returned with a vengeance. Trembling, I pulled my hoodie in tighter.
Right when I got ten feet away, a ferocious splash startled me.
I stopped and looked down toward the lake. Straining through the darkness, I could see outlines on the ground. Shapes. A man stood by the shoreline. A large flashlight lied on the ground next to him.
Focusing, I watched the tall man cry out as he threw something into the lake.
Another loud splash echoed through the forest. It sounded like the guy was tossing boulders into the water. Only they were too big to be boulders...
Like a factory worker, the man got to work lifting another one of these oblong objects. I saw there was one more left on the shore. A small stack that the man must've been working on all morning.
Holding the object, the man stepped closer toward the flashlight.
And then I saw what he was holding. A large white sheet. Ropes tied all around it. Like the man had kidnapped a ghost.
Maybe they were ghosts, I realized in horror. All those stains on the white cloth sure looked dark. Like splashes of red paint...
I felt my face go whiter than those sheets. In the cold, I struggled to keep myself from breaking down into a shivering mess. Covering my mouth, I tried to stifle my chattering teeth.
With ferocity, the man hurled this "bundle" into Lake Blackshear. The splashes sounded louder. And they were always followed by the man's gruff breathing.
The man let out another cry as he grabbed the final load.
This last one was the smallest. Yet another tied-up white sheet... this one with even more red stains than the others.
To my horror, I saw an unmistakable foot dangling out the bottom of that makeshift bodybag. A small Batman sneaker. Velcro for shoestrings. The shoe of a young child.
I couldn't be certain, but I thought I saw a substance constantly dripping off the shoe. A dark liquid... as a doctor, I've seen that color all off often. That tinge of dark red.
Growling, the man threw this lightest load straight into the lake. As if he were hurling a javelin.
This splash was the weakest yet. And with a sickening sensation in my gut, I knew a child would probably be the lightest of the bunch.
Horrified, I staggered back. I was fucking quiet until I tripped over an object hiding in the grass.
The hard ground greeted the back of my head. I shook off my dazed state. This up close and personal, I saw what I'd tripped over.
A human hand stuck out of the dirt like a morbid plant. The hand was pale and still. Completely dead. But judging by those scratches and cuts on its fingers, I knew it'd still been quite active when it was buried alive.
Ready to leap off the ground, my hands scurried back. Until I felt something sticky. Something wet.
Full of dread, I turned to see an abundance of fresh blood covering the grass like a red rain had fallen.
And like a variety of planted crops, there were more than just hands sticking up out of the ground. There were fingers, feet, even strands of bloodied blonde hair. Bits of flesh and bones were all strewn about in this... this fucking burial ground.
I moved my hand away and felt it hit another lodged object. I was hoping it was a rock. But that was delusional wishful thinking.
Instead, I made eye contact with a brown eyeball buried in the dirt. One that was forever wide open.
I let out a panicked cry. I couldn't hold my fear any longer. Not when I was this cold and terrified.
A beam of light brighter than the sun hit me.
"Hey!" I heard a nasty Southern accent growl.
Alarmed, I staggered to my feet and turned to see the man in all his frightening glory.
There he was less than fifteen feet away from me. Right next to what I presumed was his vehicle.
The man's flashlight illuminated his appearance for my eyes to see. He was close to my age. Piercing blue eyes. An executioner's scowl. A hollow face that could never be mistaken for warm and friendly.
His short curly hair must've been messy from his night's "work." A trash stache that'd have been hilarious in any other situation was now nothing more than a menacing attribute on this canvas of evil. The man's undershirt was covered in more red stains than those white sheets.
He stood lean and tall. And with that huge flashlight, he resembled an eerie caretaker holding a lantern.
"Get over here, Goddammit!" he barked at me, spit flying out of his mouth.
Nervous, I just stared at him. I was quiet. Dead still. Only the cold air seeping from my heavy breaths let me know I was still alive.
Glowering, the man marched toward me. "C'mere, you son-of-a-bitch!"
Like a gunshot to start a race, his first move was the only signal I'd need. I sprinted off for that dirt path. And thankfully, I avoided all the protruding skulls and hands along the way.
I heard the man give chase.
"Come back, Goddammit!" he yelled, his voice more brutal than a Pit Bull's growl.
But he couldn't catch me. Not a chance. I hauled ass down that path. And soon enough, both the man and his cries faded away into the dark wilderness.
Clutching my phone, I stepped foot onto the cul-de-sac. I'd never felt more relieved to be on this junk side of River Road. I glanced back real quick but saw nothing. No sign of the man. I slowed to a steady jog.
As I continued my trek past the overgrown "yards," I raised my phone to call the police.
But then like a roaring beast, I heard an engine erupt right behind me.
Terrified, I whirled around. The beast's beaming eyes blinded me. And those two large headlights were careening straight toward me. The tall man had given up on going after me by foot. Now he was hunting me by car.
Picking up speed, I ran as fast as I could. Like a heroic long distance runner. My adrenaline and fear melted all the cold I felt. My breath poured out in front of me like smoke coming from the engine that was my soul.
I could hear the car bellow through the quiet night. And it was only getting closer... like a manic crop duster swooping down upon me. North By Northwest on steroids. Only this was happening in reality. To me. In my own neighborhood.
Like an out-of-control winged monster, the car glided back-and-forth in both lanes. The headlights a crosshairs for the man.
Up ahead, I saw houses. All of them with their lights off.
The closest one was to my left. And through the darkness, I could see the Daniels's mailbox. At least, I thought that was their name... shit, Daniels or David, whatever the Hell their name was! If anyone else was home in this fucking neighborhood, it was them!
My heavy breathing intensified. My legs felt empty. At this rate, my sweat could freeze to me and I wouldn't feel it. Nothing but hope and caffeine kept me going.
With gusto, the car snarled and got even closer. I could feel its lights bearing down on me. But right before that monster of a vehicle could pounce, I jumped to the left.
I landed in the Daniels's/David's wet front lawn. Not the most graceful move, but hey, I was just thankful I hadn't landed on any blood or buried hands.
Exhausted, I looked up to see the car make a quick swerve. A maneuver I'd only ever seen in video games, but I'll be damned if the man didn't make it look effortless. Before I knew it, those irate headlight eyes zeroed in on me once more. In the cool November night, the vehicle resembled an oversized bat. One with a lust for blood.
"Shit," I muttered. Time to run.
As I heard the revving engine, I got on my feet and took off for the house's front door. I moved so fast I didn't even flinch when I stepped in a huge pile of dogshit. I was used to that anyway...
I could feel the headlights. I could hear the tires snarl. I could hear that motor heading right toward the driveway.
My knees wobbly, I climbed up the porch steps. "Open the door!" I yelled.
With desperate strength, I banged on that front door. My hands like hammers smashing into it. "Open the door! Please!" I begged. "It's Alan! Open the door!"
I heard nothing. Nothing at all. For that matter, I saw no more light in this staunch darkness.
Nervous, I turned. The car was gone. The son-of-a-bitch never came hurtling down that driveway. I was all alone.
Before my relief got carried away, a chorus of barks scared me back to reality. I looked over at a window and saw two Dobermans scratching at the glass. Their saliva flew all over the window like scattered rain. Their eyes glowering at me with the same vile hatred of the tall man.
I thought maybe my luck had started to change. Maybe the Daniels or whoever they were might still be home after all.
Cautious, I leaned in a little closer toward the window. Then my heart sank further than my hopes.
There wasn't just dogs in the family's entryway. Mr. Daniels himself was sprawled out on the floor. A huge bullet in his head. His bloodied gray matter exposed for all the world to see. His blue bathrobe brandished in redness.
I could even see where his own dogs had gotten to him. Chunks of Mr. Daniels's head had been ripped out by the Dobermans' hungry fangs. His pool of blood a grisly substitute for their empty water bowls.
I couldn't help but wonder where the rest of his family was? But honestly, I didn't wanna know. Not now... and I sure as Hell wasn't gonna tangle with those mutts to find out.
As the dogs kept snarling, I stumbled off the porch. My steps weary and weak. I'd felt like I completed a marathon. And in many respects, I had. Only I wasn't competing for money or glory. I was competing for my life.
Wiping sweat off my brow, I scraped the dogshit off on the final porch step. Then I stopped on the front lawn. I could still hear the Goddamn Dobermans through the serene silence.
I looked up at the sky. Dawn was upon us. Soon, the sunlight would shatter through this cold November night.
Tired, I lifted my phone. At this point, my cell really did feel frozen to my flesh.
I began mashing 911 when I felt a quick whiz zoom right past me. I stopped, confused. Another gush of wind brushed by my ear. Like the force you feel when someone just misses punching you. Only this was much more dangerous... these were bullets.
Frightened, I turned. And off in the distance, I could see the outline of the car parked in another yard. The headlights were off, and the man stood right outside the door on the driver's side. Total stealth mode.
To my horror, I realized he wasn't pointing a flashlight at me either.
Another shot rang out, and this one did signal a race.
I took off like a frightened juvenile delinquent. Through all my neighbors' yards. I didn't care since most of these assholes weren't home anyway. They never were. Then it dawned on me that some of them were probably dead... just like Mr. Daniels.
All around me, the bullets just missed. Like I was the world's most evasive target. Thank God, this asshole wasn't a great shot...
Behind me, I heard the car's engine roar to life. The tires screeched into hyperdrive.
I got closer and closer to my house. Stumbling through all the shrubs and bushes, I could see it up ahead like a gorgeous mirage. My wife's most hated place had become my dream destination.
Another bullet made me duck. But I kept going. I'd gone out-of-breath at this point. All the exhaustion made me hot in the chilly weather. Sweat drenched my clothes like I'd run through a rainstorm.
Powering through, I continued on the journey through this seemingly-abandoned rich neighborhood. The houses may as well have been decoys. I didn't see a single light on, much less any of my "neighbors" out and about.
I noticed the headlights grow brighter behind me. I knew the car was just a few feet away.
A violent honk made me jump. And right when I sensed the car aligning with me, I leaped down into my neighbor's ugly bushes.
Above me, I saw a bullet blast a tree limb off one of my neighbor's oaks. Like a broken statue, the branch landed right by me, smashing into several pieces.
I laid there on my chest for what seemed an eternity. I covered my mouth to suppress my exhaustive breaths. For several intense seconds, I just stayed right there. But I never heard those tires skirting to come back. I saw no gleaming headlights. There was nothing.
I dialed 911. Something I should've done a longass time ago. That poor operator got an earful. I know I must've sounded like a delusional methhead. But the message was pretty fucking clear: SEND SOMEBODY TO RIVER ROAD, GODDAMMIT! SOMEBODY'S SHOOTING AT ME!
Cautious, I stood up. No one was around. Even the car was gone. Still paranoid, I ran into my yard.
Like I'd reached a finish line, I leaned against my garage wall. The garden hose alleviated my depleted energy. With this break from the battle, I finally had the time to brush all the dirt and debris off my clothes.
Faint sunshine was out by the time a cop car pulled in. Relieved, I staggered up to the vehicle. The cool wind made me pull my hoodie in a little closer.
I felt a wave of comfort just seeing the siren sitting on top of the car. Even more relief when I saw a logo I never thought I'd be overjoyed to see: Warwick Police Department.
Like a beaming schoolboy, I waved at the officer sitting inside.
As the car got closer, I noticed how large the headlights were. How loud its engine was.
The tires came to a screeching stop.
Unease struck me. In the daylight, what I saw before me was a regular squad car. But at night... this car was no different than the beast that had been hunting me down since 6 A.M.
Dread smashed into me with the ferocity of those missed bullets.
The door on the driver's side swung open. And out stepped a tall, skinny man. No longer in his blood-stained undershirt but an ironed police uniform.
His blue-eyed glare was unmistakable. As was that fucking trash stache.
Confident, he slammed the door right behind him. A smirk appeared on his face. "What seems to be the problem?" he quipped.
Frozen in horror, I watched him approach me. "I think one of my neighbors is hurt," I said in an uneasy tone.
The cop stopped right in front of me. "Oh." His hand grabbed his holster. "Is that so?"
"Yeah." Trembling, I pointed down the road. Toward the Daniels's house. "It's the brick house right down there."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the cop undo his holster.
"I think he needs an ambulance," I went on, doing my best to feign naive calmness. I'm a terrible actor...
The man gripped his firearm. "We'll take care of it," he told me with cold detachment.
"Hey, Tom!" a voice interrupted our staredown.
Both of us turned to see an older cop step out of the passenger's seat and lean against the door. He was pot-bellied with a weathered face. Definitely the elder of the partners.
"Let's go check it out," the older cop said. His commanding eyes looked over at me. "We'll let you know if we find anything."
I lost my voice for a moment. Both from nerves and the cold. "Than you," I finally forced out.
I felt "Tom"'s dagger of blue eyes stay on me. But I avoided eye contact. Even if I noticed his hand kept staying on that gun.
The older cop tapped on the door. "Come on, Tom! Let's go!"
But Tom wasn't ready to leave.
Finally, I turned and looked into his angry eyes. He was studying me like a scientist. Like he wanted to remember me for later.
I held my ground. But not in very convincing fashion. This fucker was well over six feet tall. And oh yeah, he was a cop. With a fucking gun.
Agitated, the older cop got between us. Literally. "Goddammit, Tom!" he grumbled.
Using all his might, the veteran policeman forced his partner back toward the car.
I couldn't hear much of their ensuing conversation. They kept whispering. And most of their chat featured the two of them flashing glances at me.
"We'll do it later," I thought I heard the older cop reassure Tom.
Awkward, I took a few steps back. I can't say I felt too safe out here in the cold.
The older guy shoved Tom back into the driver's seat. "Alright, let's go!" he hurled at the young cop.
Right before he got into the passenger's seat, the older man faced me. A stoic expression on his haggard face. "You'll hear from us later," he said. Not in obligatory-bullshit fashion either... this man was promising it.
Before I could even say anything, the two men were back in the squad car.
Through the windshield, I could see them arguing. I could see them turn their glares on me from time to time. And I knew they didn't care I saw them either.
After what felt like a tense decade, the cop car finally backed out my driveway and drove off toward Mr. Daniel's house.
All I knew was I wasn't sticking around. Panicking more than a cornered crook, I burst inside the house. I told Holly everything. With the aid of coffee, I tried to stay calm and focused. We're getting the fuck out of here! I stated.
We packed up our main shit and left the house in less than an hour. Before the Warwick Police Department could ever give me a neighborhood update.
I took us to my brother's house in Moultrie. At Holly's insistence, I had a moving van go get most of the rest of our other stuff. We were going to St. Simon's Island earlier than expected. But I knew it was worth it. Honestly, I think we had to.
Of course, I never what happened to Mr. Daniels. Just like I never knew what happened to that burial ground out on River Road either.
Less than a month later, I had my brother-in-law go out to our old home and check on it. He made his living as a horror writer... well, if you wanna call it "making a living." I think he just writes all day and posts on forums like this.
Anyway, not to my surprise, he told us our old house had been ransacked. The windows shattered, the front door busted in. He sounded more scared and surprised then I was. I was just relieved me, Holly, and Michael were nowhere near that place when Tom and his partner decided to come back...
I told Holly's brother not to worry about it. The realtors can handle that shit. I'm far away from that house now. Far away from that community.
Sure, St. Simon's Island is fucking cold for those morning jogs. But at least, I can still go running without fearing for my life. And this community is so vibrant and friendly! I suppose the rural seclusion was nice when I was younger and more adventurous... but when you raise a family, man, you just want safety. All I know is Holly's happy now. Her and Michael both.
By the way, if anyone's interested, our old house is still on the market. At an extreme discount, I might add. I'm basically giving it away at this point. The house is still a pretty place too. In a really pretty neighborhood. And from what I've seen, River Road also has quite the local police patrol.
submitted by rhonnie14 to rhonnie14 [link] [comments]


2019.07.15 04:08 rhonnie14 I Saw Someone Dumping Bodies In Our Neighborhood

This was my last week living at Lake Blackshear, Georgia. My wife Holly had recently had our son, so rather than living out in the boondocks, I went ahead and bought us a cozy home on St. Simon's Island. We were moving Thursday, and she couldn't wait. For me though... well, there were some aspects of our house I was gonna miss.
For one thing, having the lake out back was glorious. Shit, I never even owned a boat or went swimming, but waking up to the sight of Blackshear felt exhilarating. A true snapshot of the serene beauty of rural Georgia.
And for living in such a wealthy neighborhood, no one ever bothered us. You see, most of the houses here were vacation homes. During the winter, River Road was basically a ghost town. Not to mention most of these houses had been abandoned since the Recession. I even had my realtor try to dupe me into buying another one, but I wasn't falling for that shit. Dr. Alan Brooks may have just been a jack-of-all trades/master-of-none at Albany Memorial Hospital, but bad investing wasn't one of them.
Overall, to say Holly and me were isolated would be an understatement. Lake Blackshear was like a haven for the wealthy and elderly. The closest "city" we had was Warwick which is one of the most notorious speed traps in the southeast. I guess they needed more than Stripling's sausages to support their local economy.
Of course, there were more reasons for the move than just family and location. My job was getting worse. Much worse. Nothing that I did was wrong, but the stress and drama was getting to me. My co-workers had turned the place into fucking Grey's Anatomy minus the show's warm jokes and sentimental side plots. Goddamn, Albany Memorial was a mess. At just forty-six, I'd felt like the last fifteen years of my life I'd aged in dog years. I had to get off this sinking ship and sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow was my last day of work there. My last day to report to our asylum-like emergency room. I was overcome with anticipation for the move. An excitement I hadn't felt since Holly had our son Michael. I felt rejuvenated. Such was the relief of having the burden that was the hospital lifted off my shoulders.
Yet here I was on my off-day. Up at 6 A.M. like a solder who'd never got over their morning routine. Dressed in my sweats and SuperJew hoodie, I was ready to get back in session with Mother Nature.
I always loved my morning runs. You can call it fun or healthy, but for me, it's therapeutic. Even on these frigid November mornings, there's nothing like finishing off a can of Monster before running out into the cold.
Bracing myself for the wind sweeping off the lake like spirits emerging from the water, I looked out a kitchen window. I had maybe an hour until daylight.
Reflective, I realized St. Simon's would only be fucking colder when I made my mark on their roads next week. But oh well. At least, there'd be people around me. At least, we'd be near a community. And near the beach. And most importantly, Holly would be happy. That's what mattered most.
Using my phone as a flashlight, I made my way out into the darkness. The cold breeze hit me like bullets fired by an opposing army. But I fought back and took off in a steady jog. Right down my driveway and onto River Road.
The neighborhood was usually dead and today (tonight?) was no different. There wasn't a car in sight. No lights on in any of the huge houses. With the stars still out, I felt like I was jogging through outer space. A sea of darkness.
Right now, it was just Alan and nature. And the cold. All while Big Country's "In A Big Country" played through my earbuds.
Soon, my shivering gave way to pumping adrenaline. Heavy breathing. I could even feel sweat in this forty-degree temperature.
The further I got down River Road, the houses began to morph into overgrown undeveloped properties. Properties that'd suffered deteriorating conditions and prices over the last ten years. No one was buying this shit...
I saw the cul-de-sac up ahead. Well, if you wanna call it that. A cul-de-sac as in the developers just said fuck it and abandoned River Road by no longer building the actual road. Like an incomplete section at the top of a skyscraper.
Beyond the dead end was just woods. A burgeoning forest complete with lakefront property that would likely never be settled. Basically, the perfect spot for Holly's dogs to piss and shit during our afternoon walks. I guess the realtors could always pitch it as a perk. Live on River Road and live adjacent to a park! ... More like live next to a fucking jungle.
Thinking it was time for a breather, I strolled up to the end of the cul-de-sac. I paused Billy Joel's "Big Shot." Panting like an exasperated dog, I breathed heavy. I could see my air escape my lips in constant bursts. Lowering my phone, I looked off at the woods. The can of Monster had caught up to me. Maybe I could imitate my dogs and go take a piss out in the woods myself...
I took a few steps into the collection of wet tall grass. Then I came to a nervous stop. About twenty feet away, down a dirt path, was a pair of lights. Tail lights that cut through the darkness like torches.
Uneasy, I yanked out my earbuds and turned off my phone's light. In the rural silence, I heard the steady hum of an engine. What would a fucking car be doing back here...
I looked all around me. I was all alone with nothing but derelict properties for company. But something was odd... it wasn't even dawn and someone besides the Brooks family was here on River Road.
Clinging to my cell, I approached the car with cautious steps. I could see the vehicle's headlights were facing to the right. Straight on at the majestic lake.
I was going so slow, the cold had returned with a vengeance. Trembling, I pulled my hoodie in tighter.
Right when I got ten feet away, a ferocious splash startled me.
I stopped and looked down toward the lake. Straining through the darkness, I could see outlines on the ground. Shapes. A man stood by the shoreline. A large flashlight lied on the ground next to him.
Focusing, I watched the tall man cry out as he threw something into the lake.
Another loud splash echoed through the forest. It sounded like the guy was tossing boulders into the water. Only they were too big to be boulders...
Like a factory worker, the man got to work lifting another one of these oblong objects. I saw there was one more left on the shore. A small stack that the man must've been working on all morning.
Holding the object, the man stepped closer toward the flashlight.
And then I saw what he was holding. A large white sheet. Ropes tied all around it. Like the man had kidnapped a ghost.
Maybe they were ghosts, I realized in horror. All those stains on the white cloth sure looked dark. Like splashes of red paint...
I felt my face go whiter than those sheets. In the cold, I struggled to keep myself from breaking down into a shivering mess. Covering my mouth, I tried to stifle my chattering teeth.
With ferocity, the man hurled this "bundle" into Lake Blackshear. The splashes sounded louder. And they were always followed by the man's gruff breathing.
The man let out another cry as he grabbed the final load.
This last one was the smallest. Yet another tied-up white sheet... this one with even more red stains than the others.
To my horror, I saw an unmistakable foot dangling out the bottom of that makeshift bodybag. A small Batman sneaker. Velcro for shoestrings. The shoe of a young child.
I couldn't be certain, but I thought I saw a substance constantly dripping off the shoe. A dark liquid... as a doctor, I've seen that color all off often. That tinge of dark red.
Growling, the man threw this lightest load straight into the lake. As if he were hurling a javelin.
This splash was the weakest yet. And with a sickening sensation in my gut, I knew a child would probably be the lightest of the bunch.
Horrified, I staggered back. I was fucking quiet until I tripped over an object hiding in the grass.
The hard ground greeted the back of my head. I shook off my dazed state. This up close and personal, I saw what I'd tripped over.
A human hand stuck out of the dirt like a morbid plant. The hand was pale and still. Completely dead. But judging by those scratches and cuts on its fingers, I knew it'd still been quite active when it was buried alive.
Ready to leap off the ground, my hands scurried back. Until I felt something sticky. Something wet.
Full of dread, I turned to see an abundance of fresh blood covering the grass like a red rain had fallen.
And like a variety of planted crops, there were more than just hands sticking up out of the ground. There were fingers, feet, even strands of bloodied blonde hair. Bits of flesh and bones were all strewn about in this... this fucking burial ground.
I moved my hand away and felt it hit another lodged object. I was hoping it was a rock. But that was delusional wishful thinking.
Instead, I made eye contact with a brown eyeball buried in the dirt. One that was forever wide open.
I let out a panicked cry. I couldn't hold my fear any longer. Not when I was this cold and terrified.
A beam of light brighter than the sun hit me.
"Hey!" I heard a nasty Southern accent growl.
Alarmed, I staggered to my feet and turned to see the man in all his frightening glory.
There he was less than fifteen feet away from me. Right next to what I presumed was his vehicle.
The man's flashlight illuminated his appearance for my eyes to see. He was close to my age. Piercing blue eyes. An executioner's scowl. A hollow face that could never be mistaken for warm and friendly.
His short curly hair must've been messy from his night's "work." A trash stache that'd have been hilarious in any other situation was now nothing more than a menacing attribute on this canvas of evil. The man's undershirt was covered in more red stains than those white sheets.
He stood lean and tall. And with that huge flashlight, he resembled an eerie caretaker holding a lantern.
"Get over here, Goddammit!" he barked at me, spit flying out of his mouth.
Nervous, I just stared at him. I was quiet. Dead still. Only the cold air seeping from my heavy breaths let me know I was still alive.
Glowering, the man marched toward me. "C'mere, you son-of-a-bitch!"
Like a gunshot to start a race, his first move was the only signal I'd need. I sprinted off for that dirt path. And thankfully, I avoided all the protruding skulls and hands along the way.
I heard the man give chase.
"Come back, Goddammit!" he yelled, his voice more brutal than a Pit Bull's growl.
But he couldn't catch me. Not a chance. I hauled ass down that path. And soon enough, both the man and his cries faded away into the dark wilderness.
Clutching my phone, I stepped foot onto the cul-de-sac. I'd never felt more relieved to be on this junk side of River Road. I glanced back real quick but saw nothing. No sign of the man. I slowed to a steady jog.
As I continued my trek past the overgrown "yards," I raised my phone to call the police.
But then like a roaring beast, I heard an engine erupt right behind me.
Terrified, I whirled around. The beast's beaming eyes blinded me. And those two large headlights were careening straight toward me. The tall man had given up on going after me by foot. Now he was hunting me by car.
Picking up speed, I ran as fast as I could. Like a heroic long distance runner. My adrenaline and fear melted all the cold I felt. My breath poured out in front of me like smoke coming from the engine that was my soul.
I could hear the car bellow through the quiet night. And it was only getting closer... like a manic crop duster swooping down upon me. North By Northwest on steroids. Only this was happening in reality. To me. In my own neighborhood.
Like an out-of-control winged monster, the car glided back-and-forth in both lanes. The headlights a crosshairs for the man.
Up ahead, I saw houses. All of them with their lights off.
The closest one was to my left. And through the darkness, I could see the Daniels's mailbox. At least, I thought that was their name... shit, Daniels or David, whatever the Hell their name was! If anyone else was home in this fucking neighborhood, it was them!
My heavy breathing intensified. My legs felt empty. At this rate, my sweat could freeze to me and I wouldn't feel it. Nothing but hope and caffeine kept me going.
With gusto, the car snarled and got even closer. I could feel its lights bearing down on me. But right before that monster of a vehicle could pounce, I jumped to the left.
I landed in the Daniels's/David's wet front lawn. Not the most graceful move, but hey, I was just thankful I hadn't landed on any blood or buried hands.
Exhausted, I looked up to see the car make a quick swerve. A maneuver I'd only ever seen in video games, but I'll be damned if the man didn't make it look effortless. Before I knew it, those irate headlight eyes zeroed in on me once more. In the cool November night, the vehicle resembled an oversized bat. One with a lust for blood.
"Shit," I muttered. Time to run.
As I heard the revving engine, I got on my feet and took off for the house's front door. I moved so fast I didn't even flinch when I stepped in a huge pile of dogshit. I was used to that anyway...
I could feel the headlights. I could hear the tires snarl. I could hear that motor heading right toward the driveway.
My knees wobbly, I climbed up the porch steps. "Open the door!" I yelled.
With desperate strength, I banged on that front door. My hands like hammers smashing into it. "Open the door! Please!" I begged. "It's Alan! Open the door!"
I heard nothing. Nothing at all. For that matter, I saw no more light in this staunch darkness.
Nervous, I turned. The car was gone. The son-of-a-bitch never came hurtling down that driveway. I was all alone.
Before my relief got carried away, a chorus of barks scared me back to reality. I looked over at a window and saw two Dobermans scratching at the glass. Their saliva flew all over the window like scattered rain. Their eyes glowering at me with the same vile hatred of the tall man.
I thought maybe my luck had started to change. Maybe the Daniels or whoever they were might still be home after all.
Cautious, I leaned in a little closer toward the window. Then my heart sank further than my hopes.
There wasn't just dogs in the family's entryway. Mr. Daniels himself was sprawled out on the floor. A huge bullet in his head. His bloodied gray matter exposed for all the world to see. His blue bathrobe brandished in redness.
I could even see where his own dogs had gotten to him. Chunks of Mr. Daniels's head had been ripped out by the Dobermans' hungry fangs. His pool of blood a grisly substitute for their empty water bowls.
I couldn't help but wonder where the rest of his family was? But honestly, I didn't wanna know. Not now... and I sure as Hell wasn't gonna tangle with those mutts to find out.
As the dogs kept snarling, I stumbled off the porch. My steps weary and weak. I'd felt like I completed a marathon. And in many respects, I had. Only I wasn't competing for money or glory. I was competing for my life.
Wiping sweat off my brow, I scraped the dogshit off on the final porch step. Then I stopped on the front lawn. I could still hear the Goddamn Dobermans through the serene silence.
I looked up at the sky. Dawn was upon us. Soon, the sunlight would shatter through this cold November night.
Tired, I lifted my phone. At this point, my cell really did feel frozen to my flesh.
I began mashing 911 when I felt a quick whiz zoom right past me. I stopped, confused. Another gush of wind brushed by my ear. Like the force you feel when someone just misses punching you. Only this was much more dangerous... these were bullets.
Frightened, I turned. And off in the distance, I could see the outline of the car parked in another yard. The headlights were off, and the man stood right outside the door on the driver's side. Total stealth mode.
To my horror, I realized he wasn't pointing a flashlight at me either.
Another shot rang out, and this one did signal a race.
I took off like a frightened juvenile delinquent. Through all my neighbors' yards. I didn't care since most of these assholes weren't home anyway. They never were. Then it dawned on me that some of them were probably dead... just like Mr. Daniels.
All around me, the bullets just missed. Like I was the world's most evasive target. Thank God, this asshole wasn't a great shot...
Behind me, I heard the car's engine roar to life. The tires screeched into hyperdrive.
I got closer and closer to my house. Stumbling through all the shrubs and bushes, I could see it up ahead like a gorgeous mirage. My wife's most hated place had become my dream destination.
Another bullet made me duck. But I kept going. I'd gone out-of-breath at this point. All the exhaustion made me hot in the chilly weather. Sweat drenched my clothes like I'd run through a rainstorm.
Powering through, I continued on the journey through this seemingly-abandoned rich neighborhood. The houses may as well have been decoys. I didn't see a single light on, much less any of my "neighbors" out and about.
I noticed the headlights grow brighter behind me. I knew the car was just a few feet away.
A violent honk made me jump. And right when I sensed the car aligning with me, I leaped down into my neighbor's ugly bushes.
Above me, I saw a bullet blast a tree limb off one of my neighbor's oaks. Like a broken statue, the branch landed right by me, smashing into several pieces.
I laid there on my chest for what seemed an eternity. I covered my mouth to suppress my exhaustive breaths. For several intense seconds, I just stayed right there. But I never heard those tires skirting to come back. I saw no gleaming headlights. There was nothing.
I dialed 911. Something I should've done a longass time ago. That poor operator got an earful. I know I must've sounded like a delusional methhead. But the message was pretty fucking clear: SEND SOMEBODY TO RIVER ROAD, GODDAMMIT! SOMEBODY'S SHOOTING AT ME!
Cautious, I stood up. No one was around. Even the car was gone. Still paranoid, I ran into my yard.
Like I'd reached a finish line, I leaned against my garage wall. The garden hose alleviated my depleted energy. With this break from the battle, I finally had the time to brush all the dirt and debris off my clothes.
Faint sunshine was out by the time a cop car pulled in. Relieved, I staggered up to the vehicle. The cool wind made me pull my hoodie in a little closer.
I felt a wave of comfort just seeing the siren sitting on top of the car. Even more relief when I saw a logo I never thought I'd be overjoyed to see: Warwick Police Department.
Like a beaming schoolboy, I waved at the officer sitting inside.
As the car got closer, I noticed how large the headlights were. How loud its engine was.
The tires came to a screeching stop.
Unease struck me. In the daylight, what I saw before me was a regular squad car. But at night... this car was no different than the beast that had been hunting me down since 6 A.M.
Dread smashed into me with the ferocity of those missed bullets.
The door on the driver's side swung open. And out stepped a tall, skinny man. No longer in his blood-stained undershirt but an ironed police uniform.
His blue-eyed glare was unmistakable. As was that fucking trash stache.
Confident, he slammed the door right behind him. A smirk appeared on his face. "What seems to be the problem?" he quipped.
Frozen in horror, I watched him approach me. "I think one of my neighbors is hurt," I said in an uneasy tone.
The cop stopped right in front of me. "Oh." His hand grabbed his holster. "Is that so?"
"Yeah." Trembling, I pointed down the road. Toward the Daniels's house. "It's the brick house right down there."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the cop undo his holster.
"I think he needs an ambulance," I went on, doing my best to feign naive calmness. I'm a terrible actor...
The man gripped his firearm. "We'll take care of it," he told me with cold detachment.
"Hey, Tom!" a voice interrupted our staredown.
Both of us turned to see an older cop step out of the passenger's seat and lean against the door. He was pot-bellied with a weathered face. Definitely the elder of the partners.
"Let's go check it out," the older cop said. His commanding eyes looked over at me. "We'll let you know if we find anything."
I lost my voice for a moment. Both from nerves and the cold. "Than you," I finally forced out.
I felt "Tom"'s dagger of blue eyes stay on me. But I avoided eye contact. Even if I noticed his hand kept staying on that gun.
The older cop tapped on the door. "Come on, Tom! Let's go!"
But Tom wasn't ready to leave.
Finally, I turned and looked into his angry eyes. He was studying me like a scientist. Like he wanted to remember me for later.
I held my ground. But not in very convincing fashion. This fucker was well over six feet tall. And oh yeah, he was a cop. With a fucking gun.
Agitated, the older cop got between us. Literally. "Goddammit, Tom!" he grumbled.
Using all his might, the veteran policeman forced his partner back toward the car.
I couldn't hear much of their ensuing conversation. They kept whispering. And most of their chat featured the two of them flashing glances at me.
"We'll do it later," I thought I heard the older cop reassure Tom.
Awkward, I took a few steps back. I can't say I felt too safe out here in the cold.
The older guy shoved Tom back into the driver's seat. "Alright, let's go!" he hurled at the young cop.
Right before he got into the passenger's seat, the older man faced me. A stoic expression on his haggard face. "You'll hear from us later," he said. Not in obligatory-bullshit fashion either... this man was promising it.
Before I could even say anything, the two men were back in the squad car.
Through the windshield, I could see them arguing. I could see them turn their glares on me from time to time. And I knew they didn't care I saw them either.
After what felt like a tense decade, the cop car finally backed out my driveway and drove off toward Mr. Daniel's house.
All I knew was I wasn't sticking around. Panicking more than a cornered crook, I burst inside the house. I told Holly everything. With the aid of coffee, I tried to stay calm and focused. We're getting the fuck out of here! I stated.
We packed up our main shit and left the house in less than an hour. Before the Warwick Police Department could ever give me a neighborhood update.
I took us to my brother's house in Moultrie. At Holly's insistence, I had a moving van go get most of the rest of our other stuff. We were going to St. Simon's Island earlier than expected. But I knew it was worth it. Honestly, I think we had to.
Of course, I never what happened to Mr. Daniels. Just like I never knew what happened to that burial ground out on River Road either.
Less than a month later, I had my brother-in-law go out to our old home and check on it. He made his living as a horror writer... well, if you wanna call it "making a living." I think he just writes all day and posts on forums like this.
Anyway, not to my surprise, he told us our old house had been ransacked. The windows shattered, the front door busted in. He sounded more scared and surprised then I was. I was just relieved me, Holly, and Michael were nowhere near that place when Tom and his partner decided to come back...
I told Holly's brother not to worry about it. The realtors can handle that shit. I'm far away from that house now. Far away from that community.
Sure, St. Simon's Island is fucking cold for those morning jogs. But at least, I can still go running without fearing for my life. And this community is so vibrant and friendly! I suppose the rural seclusion was nice when I was younger and more adventurous... but when you raise a family, man, you just want safety. All I know is Holly's happy now. Her and Michael both.
By the way, if anyone's interested, our old house is still on the market. At an extreme discount, I might add. I'm basically giving it away at this point. The house is still a pretty place too. In a really pretty neighborhood. And from what I've seen, River Road also has quite the local police patrol.
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submitted by rhonnie14 to ThrillSleep [link] [comments]


2019.05.01 16:31 tulsanewsbot What's happening around town (Wed, May 1st - Tue, May 7th)

Tulsa's event list.

Ongoing

  • Champions of Health Nominations (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Thru Tue, May 14th Start Time: 12:00am The Champions of Health awards recognize those who make a difference in the health of Oklahomans. Winners in select categories will receive $5,000 for their organization or program, and will be considered for the highest honor, the Dr. Rodney L. Huey Memorial Champion of Oklahoma Health award, along with a $15,000 contribution. Winners will be…

Wednesday, May 1st

Thursday, May 2nd

Friday, May 3rd

  • The 5x5 Show and Sale! (Tulsa Artists Coalition - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • 2019 International Jazz Fest Presented by SpiritBank (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • Bixby BBQ 'n Blues Festival (Washington Irving Park - Bixby) Day 1 of 2 One of the largest barbecue competitions in Oklahoma, the Bixby BBQ 'n Blues Festival features two days of mouthwatering…
  • Benefit for Pretty Prairie School (The Hunt Club - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
  • 😂 Brandon Vestal (Loony Bin - Tulsa) 1 day left
  • Cinco de Mayo Fest (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Gather your crew and head to Tulsa's River West Festival Park for three days of family fun during the Cinco de Mayo…
  • 🏃 Cinco de Mayo Run (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) A fun evening event with great post-race food!
    One Mile Fun Run 6:30 PM
    5 km Run 7:15 PM
  • Culinary Arts Pie Night (Antoinette Baking Co. - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm
  • Don Giovanni (Tulsa Opera Offices - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Hear the Tulsa Opera perform the story of Don Giovanni live at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center. Led by conductor Andres…
  • Tulsa Drillers versus Midland - Bark in the Park (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Last Day Come experience the thrill of the game as the Tulsa Drillers go head to head with the Midland RockHounds. The Drillers…
  • Tulsa Drillers versus Midland - FOX 23 Fireworks (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • Friday Night Test N Tune (Tulsa Raceway Park - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • Germanfest (GAST House - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Dine on authentic German fare, listen to live polka music and watch as skilled folk dancers grace the stage at the annual…
  • Hoe You Think You Can Dance! Dance Contest (The Majestic - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:00pm
  • Joel Daniel Phillips It Felt Like The Future Was Now + Richard Barlow: The Sea of Ice, Receding + Peggy Weil: 88 Cores (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 11:00am
  • Joel Daniel Phillips It Felt Like The Future Was Now + Richard Barlow: The Sea of Ice, Receding + Peggy Weil: 88 Cores - Special (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • LaFortune 1st Fri. Concert (The Gardens - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm Enjoy great local talent outdoors in the Gardens on the first Friday of each month. A variety of family friendly Classic Rock, Swing and Blues music. Bring a lawn chaiblanket. Sponsored by Tulsa County Parks and American Bank & Trust. Check out who's playing on Facebook ! Cherrie Lewallen (918) 496-6220 [email protected] g…
  • 🎓 Learn and Play (The Gilcrease Museum - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:30am Presented in collaboration with Tulsa Community College Early Childhood Education Department, this program is designed for children ages 0-5 and their...
  • Leonard Bernstein at 100 + Dust Bowl VR Experience (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 10:00am
  • MITOCHROMA + The EXPERIENCE (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Start Time: 12:00pm
  • Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship (Creek County Fairgrounds - Kellyville) Thru Sun, May 5th Come see the fastest guns in the West at the Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship. This fast-action event…
  • ORU Golden Eagles vs Western Illinois Leathernecks (J.L. Johnson Stadium - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Support the ORU Golden Eagles baseball team with tickets to their action-packed games. Grab a snack from the concession…
  • Prophets and outlaws (Blackbird On Pearl - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • Prophets and Outlaws (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • Regional Kite Festival #PoweredbyFlightNight (University of Tulsa - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:00am TRSA is proud to present the 2019 Regional Kite Festival Powered by Flight Night. This event uses kites as a means to engage upper elementary students in...
  • Robert Cray in Concert (Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tulsa - Catoosa) Robert Cray has been bridging the lines between blues, soul and R&B for the past four decades, with five Grammy wins and…
  • Soft Leather (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
  • Strutter (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
  • 🎭 Whose Live Anyway? (Brady Theater - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm Whose Live Anyway? Dave Foley, Joel Murray, Greg Proops & Jeff B. Davis Tickets Venue Box Office M-F 10a-6p www.bradytheater.com - Etix: 918-582-7239 On...
  • The Wizard of Oz (Theatre Tulsa - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 5th Follow the yellow brick road to the Tulsa Performing Arts Center as Theatre Tulsa presents "The Wizard of Oz."…
  • 🎭 The Wizard of Oz (Tulsa Performing Art Center - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 7:30pm Presented By: Theatre Tulsa Follow the yellow brick road to relive the classic tale of a Kansas farm girl discovering the magical power of home! This...
  • "Yin & Yang" Paintings by Jay Exon and Allison Keim (Chrysalis Salon & Spa - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 6:00pm

Saturday, May 4th

  • The Agony Scene - Pit & Riff Tour (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm
  • Jenks America Food Truck Festival (Main Street - Jenks) The Jenks America Food Truck Festival brings together the best in Tulsa-area food trucks, musicians and artists for a day on…
  • Autism Oklahoma Piece Walk (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm
  • Barry Fugatt's Tour of the Linnaeus Teaching Garden (Tulsa Garden Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00am The beautiful Linnaeus Teaching Garden is home to thousands of plants. Barry Fugatt, Director of Horticulture, will lead a tour of the grounds that...
  • Bixby BBQ 'n Blues Festival (Washington Irving Park - Bixby) Day 2 of 2 One of the largest barbecue competitions in Oklahoma, the Bixby BBQ 'n Blues Festival features two days of mouthwatering…
  • Beth Lipman: Accidental Vestiges (108Contemporary - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 12:00pm
  • 🏃 Blacklight Run (Tulsa Raceway Park - Tulsa) The Blacklight Run™ is none other than the brightest, most fun 5K out there. At the Blacklight Run™ we aren’t focused on how fast or how far you can run, what type of exercise you enjoy, or if you’re an avid runner. We don’t care if you’ve never run a day in your life! Instead, we welcome any and all participants…
  • Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band (BOK Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm American singer-songwriter, guitarist and pianist Bob Seger and his band The Silver Bullets take the BOK Center stage in…
  • Owasso Bouquet of Gardeners Spring Festival (Owasso) Celebrate Mother's Day and the full blooms that come with warm weather at the Owasso Bouquet of Gardeners Spring…
  • 😂 Brandon Vestal (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Last Day
  • Cinco de Mayo Fest (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) 1 day left Gather your crew and head to Tulsa's River West Festival Park for three days of family fun during the Cinco de Mayo…
  • The Debut Tour with Ella Mai + Mahalia (Cain's Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm 10 Summers Presents
  • Don Giovanni (Tulsa Opera Offices - Tulsa) 1 day left Hear the Tulsa Opera perform the story of Don Giovanni live at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center. Led by conductor Andres…
  • Tulsa drillers versus Corpus Christi - Channel 8 Grand Slam Saturday Fireworks (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • 🎭 The Drunkard and the Olio (Tulsa Spotlight Theatre - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:30pm
  • Tulsa Garden Club Tour (Tulsa Garden Center - Tulsa) Join the Tulsa Garden Club as they celebrate their 69th annual Garden Tour. One of the community's longest-running…
  • Germanfest (GAST House - Tulsa) 1 day left Dine on authentic German fare, listen to live polka music and watch as skilled folk dancers grace the stage at the annual…
  • Greg Gutfeld (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • 🎓 The Gutfeld Monologues Live Tour w/Tom Shillue (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm Join Greg Gutfeld & special guest Tom Shillue for an unforgettable evening of hilarious, insightful and engaging conversation on topics from his New York...
  • High Noon Shootout (JM Davis Arms & Historical Museum - Claremore) At JM Davis Arms & Historical Museum, experience a High Noon Shootout straight out of an old Western film. The Tri-State…
  • Jim Breuer Live (Brady Theater - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
  • Joel Daniel Phillips It Felt Like The Future Was Now + Richard Barlow: The Sea of Ice, Receding + Peggy Weil: 88 Cores (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) 1 day left Start Time: 11:00am
  • Kendall Whittier Mercado (Kendall-Whittier - Tulsa) Twice a month from May to October, scope out handmade goods and unique art on display at the Kendall Whittier Mercado in…
  • Leonard Bernstein at 100 + Dust Bowl VR Experience (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) 1 day left Start Time: 10:00am
  • The Mighty Pines (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • MITOCHROMA + The EXPERIENCE (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) 1 day left Start Time: 12:00pm
  • Tulsa Noise Fest 2019 (Tulsa Artists Coalition - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm
  • Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship (Creek County Fairgrounds - Kellyville) 1 day left Come see the fastest guns in the West at the Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship. This fast-action event…
  • ORU Golden Eagles vs Western Illinois Leathernecks (J.L. Johnson Stadium - Tulsa) 1 day left Support the ORU Golden Eagles baseball team with tickets to their action-packed games. Grab a snack from the concession…
  • Pie Night (Antoinette Baking Co. - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm
  • Restoring Harmony Powwow (Westside YMCA - Tulsa) Experience the spirit of an ancient tradition at the Restoring Harmony Powwow at Tulsa's Westside YMCA. This…
    • Rose District Farmers Market (Rose District Plaza - Broken Arrow) Thru Sat, Oct 26th Start Time: 8:00am different music, events, and guests, each week
  • 🏃 Run Walk Wag (Hunter Park - Tulsa) Supporting Rescued 'n Ready Animal Foundation
    10:00am 5K begins 10:15am 1 Mil Fun Run Begins
    Free Lunch for participants following race
    $25 5K Admission $20 1 Mile Admission
  • 🎭 Sassy Mamas (Tulsa Performing Art Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm Presented By: Theatre North Love — or something close to it — is in the air. Sassy Mamas by Celeste Bedford Walker takes a look at
  • Shake It Up Saturday w/ DJ KONNECT (The Majestic - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • 🏃 Smokin' Pig 5K & Fun Run/Walk (Bixby - Bixby) This race is benefitting the Bixby Outreach Center's Summer-Meals-for-Kids program. We feed kids during the summer on free and reduced meals during the school year that might otherwise go hungry. This is a certified USATF 5k with prizes for overall and age/gender divisions. Come join us and run with a cause!…
  • 🎭 Something Rotten! (Broken Arrow Performing Arts Center - Broken Arrow) Start Time: 7:30pm Set in 1595, this hilarious smash tells the story of Nick and Nigel Bottom, two brothers who are desperate to write a hit play. When a local soothsayer...
  • Soul night! (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
  • Sovereign Dame - Muderous Mary - Jason Ford (The Hunt Club - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • 🏃 Tour de Tulsa (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) Ride 5-100 Miles, a great non-competitive ride exploring the Tulsa area. Great food, wonderful riding and it all benefits Pathways to Health. Family Fun Ride option.
  • Tulsa VegFest (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00am Tulsa will host its annual VegFest at Guthrie Green in the downtown Tulsa Arts District. VegFest will feature over 50…
  • The Wizard of Oz (Theatre Tulsa - Tulsa) 1 day left Follow the yellow brick road to the Tulsa Performing Arts Center as Theatre Tulsa presents "The Wizard of Oz."…
  • 🎭 The Wizard of Oz (Tulsa Performing Art Center - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 7:30pm Presented By: Theatre Tulsa Follow the yellow brick road to relive the classic tale of a Kansas farm girl discovering the magical power of home! This...
  • "Yin & Yang" Paintings by Jay Exon and Allison Keim (Chrysalis Salon & Spa - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 6:00pm

Sunday, May 5th

  • Tulsa Athletic vs Little Rock Rangers (Veterans Park - Tulsa) Put on your green and yellow, and cheer the Athletic team to victory in downtown Tulsa. In their first season in 2013, the…
  • 🍴 Ballet Meets Broadway (Tulsa Ballet - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:00pm Be in the room where it happens! Enjoy an open bar with themed cocktails by local mixologists, light hors d’oeuvres, and a chance to meet and hear from...
  • Beth Lipman: Accidental Vestiges (108Contemporary - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 12:00pm
  • Cinco de Mayo Fest (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) Last Day Gather your crew and head to Tulsa's River West Festival Park for three days of family fun during the Cinco de Mayo…
  • Don Giovanni (Tulsa Opera Offices - Tulsa) Last Day Hear the Tulsa Opera perform the story of Don Giovanni live at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center. Led by conductor Andres…
  • Tulsa drillers versus Corpus Christi - Kids Eat Free (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 1:00pm
  • Game of Thrones Watch Party (Inner Circle Vodka Bar - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • Germanfest (GAST House - Tulsa) Last Day Dine on authentic German fare, listen to live polka music and watch as skilled folk dancers grace the stage at the annual…
  • Horton Records Sunday Concert Series - Pilgrim, Dane & The Soup, The Dull Drums (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 2:30pm
  • Joel Daniel Phillips It Felt Like The Future Was Now + Richard Barlow: The Sea of Ice, Receding + Peggy Weil: 88 Cores (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Last Day Start Time: 11:00am
  • Leonard Bernstein at 100 + Dust Bowl VR Experience (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Last Day Start Time: 10:00am
  • MITOCHROMA + The EXPERIENCE (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Last Day Start Time: 12:00pm
  • Northeast Oklahoma Autocross (Expo Square - Tulsa) See sports cars compete in challenging Northeast Oklahoma Autocross events this spring. Cars will take to the Fair Meadows…
  • Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship (Creek County Fairgrounds - Kellyville) Last Day Come see the fastest guns in the West at the Oklahoma State Cowboy Fast Draw Shootout Championship. This fast-action event…
  • Open Studio Hours (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Start Time: 12:00pm
  • ORU Golden Eagles vs Western Illinois Leathernecks (J.L. Johnson Stadium - Tulsa) Last Day Support the ORU Golden Eagles baseball team with tickets to their action-packed games. Grab a snack from the concession…
  • Prairie Brewpub’s 3rd Anniversary Party (Prairie Brewpub - Tulsa) Start Time: 3:00pm
  • 🏆 Second Round: Idaho Steelheads at Tulsa Rd 2, Hm Gm C (BOK Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 4:05pm
  • Soundpony Birthday Bash #13- DJ Sweet Baby Jayzus (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
  • Sunday Showcase hosted by Shanel Sterling (The Majestic - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:00pm
  • Sunday Zumba with Ariane Betancourt (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:30am
  • Vinyl Brunch Sunday (Chimera Cafe - Tulsa) Start Time: 12:00pm
  • Whose Live Anyway? (Brady Theater - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
  • The Wizard of Oz (Theatre Tulsa - Tulsa) Last Day Follow the yellow brick road to the Tulsa Performing Arts Center as Theatre Tulsa presents "The Wizard of Oz."…
  • Yin & Yang - Paintings by Jay Exon and Allison Keim (Chrysalis Salon & Spa - Tulsa) Start Time: 12:00pm

Monday, May 6th

  • Tulsa drillers versus Corpus Christi - Day Baseball Ozone Alert Day (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 12:00pm
  • Fitness on the Green: YOGA (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm
  • Fitness on the Green: ZUMBA (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm
  • How to Build a Website: I Have a Platform. Time to Dive In. (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • Marbin (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm Chicago-based progressive jazz-rock band Marbin brings together the best of their blended genres, delivering a unique sound…
  • Marbin (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm Nova Rockafeller, B Hart, Mikey-P
  • 🏆 Second Round: Idaho Steelheads at Tulsa Rd 2, Hm Gm D (BOK Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:05pm

Tuesday, May 7th

  • 🍴 Barre Society Happy Hour (R Bar & Grill - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm Grab a drink with fellow Barre Society members at Foolish Things: Bar and Biscuit and catch up on the news at the Ballet! Hope to see all of you there!...
  • Cultivating High-Impact Boards (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:30am
  • Tulsa drillers versus Corpus Christi - 2 Works For You $2 Tuesday (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • Fitness on the Green: Bootcamp (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm
  • Hack Night (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • HedPe (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
  • Leonard Bernstein at 100 + Dust Bowl VR Experience (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, May 12th Start Time: 10:00am
  • LOST GENIUS FOUND: Bette Howland @ IDL Ballroom (Brady District - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • Open Mic Night (Gypsy Coffee House & Cyber Cafe - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • The Pearl Jam (Blackbird On Pearl - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • Small Business Startup & Taxes (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • SoMo: The Phases Tour (Cain's Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm SoMo plans to take over the Cain's Ballroom stage with an original mix of pop and soul. Selling out shows across…
  • Trivia Night (Inner Circle Vodka Bar - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
  • Trivia with JACK? (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:30pm
  • The Unlikely Candidates & Irontom: the Midnight Love Tour (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm Head to the Vanguard in Tulsa to hear indie rock band The Unlikely Candidates perform an energetic live set. This Fort…

See Also

submitted by tulsanewsbot to tulsa [link] [comments]


2019.01.06 11:38 elimeno_p [Tournament Report] 3rd Place with Bant Historic at 20 person Standard PPTQ (Urza's Ruinous Bant)

Hello spikes! Hope all's well in the new year.
This is somewhat of a follow-up on this post where I detailed my experience exploring the possibilities of the Historic archetype in standard, I wanted to give this tournament report as an update on my continued testing in this field.The list I registered is linked below:
Urza's Ruinous Bant (UWG Historic)
I'll start by talking about how I arrived at this list, then go over the reason's you should (or shouldn't) play a strategy like this, and finally finish by giving my tourney report as well as a list of cards I've already started to test with from the RNA spoilers we have so far!
How I got to Bant Historic:
Why I chose this deck for the PPTQ:
Tournament Report: 3rd/20: 3-1-1 Swiss, 2-0 Quarters, 1-2 Semis

Changes I'd have made to the board with more Bo3 testing
These are SB changes I would've made retrospectively; obviously given the length of time before the new set this is a short-lived reflection but these are the cards I felt would've more acutely addressed the weaknesses in Bant Historic.

[RNA] Cards I'm interested in testing next season:


The end of this PPTQ season has got me pretty excited for how healthy and diverse Standard is right now; first time in years I'm excited to brew for new standard. I'm thinking Rakdos, Jund, Mardu, and Gruul will be excellent with the coming set (not even knowing all the spoilers). I'm going to continue to explore how the historic mechanic evolves with the legendary build-arounds we receive from the upcoming 5 guilds.
Hope I didn't ramble, thanks for reading! Let me know if you have any thoughts or reactions on what's upcoming for the RNA standard metagame!

[EDIT] Formatting Fixes :D



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2018.12.22 17:15 GamblesWithDesire 2018 Album of the Year #22: 5 Seconds of Summer - Youngblood

Artist: 5 Seconds of Summer
Album: Youngblood or, alternatively, the album that surprised everyone by snagging #1 over a Beyoncé/Jay-Z surprise album
Release Date: June 15, 2018

The story of 5 Seconds of Summer's third album, Youngblood, is ultimately a story of redemption. Their rise was meteoric, their decline seemingly inevitable, and their resurgence unexpected.
Now that we've gotten the dramatic intro down, let's get down to business with some backtracking.
I discovered 5 Seconds of Summer in early 2014 after learning that they'd been writing with some of my favorite artists. As thorough pop punk trash, I gave their music a shot and realized that it was perfectly solid pop-punk, like an updated version of the bands I'd grown up adoring in high school. Sure, it was nothing ground-breaking, but it was fun.
Having skipped their 2016 tour, the band kind of fell off my radar until the release of Girls Talk Boys. It was new and different for them and I couldn't get the song out of my head. I told a friend that if this was an indication of where they were going, I was stoked for their next album. I spent the majority of 2017 watching their videos and photo updates from studios and recording booths and casually expected an album announcement to come soon. When 2017 ended with nothing new from the band, I shrugged and said "Well, hopefully we'll get something in 2018, I guess."
I was not expecting this little band from Sydney to blow me away.

Rise

5 Seconds of Summer (or colloquially, 5SOS) have had a wild ride. In 2011, Sydney-dwelling high school friends Luke Hemmings (Guitar, Vocals), Michael Clifford (Guitar, Vocals), and Calum Hood (Bass, Vocals) formed a band and started posting videos of pop song covers on their YouTube channel. The threesome started to write their own songs under the name 5 Seconds of Summer and wanted to venture into playing some live shows. Before their first show, Michael reached out to Ashton Irwin (Drums, Vocals), and asked him if he would join them as a drummer. The lineup was completed.
5SOS would go on to open for One Direction on two consecutive world tours (Take Me Home and Where We Are), opening them up to the massive fan base that came from the world's biggest boyband. 5SOS's first EP to release in the US, the 4 song She Looks So Perfect EP which accompanied their uber-catchy ode to American Apparel underwear, dropped in early 2014 and debuted at #2 on the Billboard 200. The band quickly followed up later that year with their self-titled debut full-length, which debuted at #1 on the Billboard 200.
The band started their first arena headlining tour in early 2015 and released the first single for their second album, Sounds Good Feels Good, halfway through the tour. Sounds Good Feels Good released in late 2015 and again took the band to the apex of the Billboard charts.

Decline

But all was not sunny. The songs off Sounds Good Feels Good hadn't been as successful as the singles from 5 Seconds of Summer. The band ended 2015 with a Rolling Stone article that was less than flattering and brought new waves of criticism. Michael was opening up about his struggles with mental health, and both he and Luke were involved in separate scandals involving leaked texts and "insider info" from exes. Having toured nearly constantly since 2013, the band was exhausted.
They were also in limbo. One Direction began their "hiatus," and some of the once shared fanbase was dwindling away. And despite working with pop-punk legends (such as Alex Gaskarth of All Time Low, Benji and Joel Madden of Good Charlotte, and John Feldmann of Goldfinger) and writing songs that would've been adored if they'd come from anyone else, the band remained a "joke" to the pop-punk realm they could have ruled. Having risen to fame on the heels of One Direction and their league of teenage girl fans, 5SOS was considered fake and manufactured, little more than a boy band playing parts assigned to them by executives.
In the summer of 2016, the band released "Girls Talk Boys" for the Ghostbusters reboot. The song hinted at a potential shift in sound, with a thudding bass line and a retro vibe instead of the fast guitars of their pop-punk roots. Two years later, 5SOS made good on the promise of that sound change and released their third album, Youngblood.

Youngblood

"The making of Youngblood was nothing short of an ultimately transformative experience, for every member of 5 Seconds of Summer. […] We have never been more passionate and excited about what is to come in 5SOS's future." - Youngblood album notes.
Youngblood is an album screaming with regret, anger, and heartbreak. Pain and the growth that comes from that pain weaves its way through the tracks, dragging the listener along with it on a path of highs and lows mimicking the failed relationships it's built around. The album feels like tagging along with your newly-single best friend on an all-nighter bar hopping adventure, watching as every drink (or song) makes them open up a little more about what they're going through in the aftermath of a breakup.
Youngblood is like nothing the band has written before, with more maturity and depth than their previous work, and is the lynchpin of an entirely new 5 Seconds of Summer. Gone are the converse shoes and plaid shirts of before, replaced by glitter and nail polish, silk and leather. Before, the band pulled inspiration from All Time Low, Good Charlotte, and blink-182; now, they're drawing from The Cure, Talking Heads, and Police. The musical edges have been polished up even as the lyrics take a downturn into darker topics.
With that, it's time to dive deep into the neon world of guitars and emotions that is Youngblood. Continuing the trend 5SOS started with their first two albums, Youngblood comes out to a whopping 19 tracks when all the deluxe tracks come into play. I'm going to start with the 13 standard album tracks and then we'll delve into the 6 deluxe tracks (spread between the standard deluxe version [3 songs], the Target deluxe version [2 songs], and the Japanese deluxe version [1 song]). Because of the exclusive nature of the 2 Target tracks and the Japanese track, I have included the YouTube links to those as well! I'm also going to occasionally pair in some drunk thoughts from the band on each standard song as stated in their YouTube series Cocktail Chats.
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Youngblood: Remember the words you told me, love me 'til the day I die? Surrender my everything 'cause you made me believe you're mine. Yeah, you used to call me baby, now you're calling me by name. Takes one to know one, yeah, you beat me at my own damn game.
Youngblood kicks things off and sets the tone for the album. A bitter song about tortured love, the anthemic chorus tangles with a background of gruff guitars and finger snaps. Something about the song reminds me of angry late-night drunk calls (which fits the lyric "'Til one of us gets too drunk and calls about a hundred times") in the way Luke delivers the lyrics and the sort of back and forth emotions. The song bounces from almost mourning the ending of the relationship in the first verse to spitting out rage at the person on the other end ("When you lookin' at those strangers, hope to God you see my face") in the second. It's impossibly catchy (I mean who can deny that almost jarring soft "Ooh ooh, ooh ooh" in the chorus??), fierce and fiery, and is the band's first ever top 10 single in the US.
Want You Back: These tears are just the fuckin' rain, wish I could say something, something that doesn't sound insane but lately I don't trust my brain. You tell me I won't ever change, so I just say nothing.
Want You Back was the first single released for the album. Calum said that they'd been writing religiously for nearly a year and were almost burnt out when this song emerged and sort of gave them the energy to keep writing. Released mere days after Valentine's day, the album is a chill breakup track over a keyboard heavy pop beat. It's reminiscent of the crisp pop-rock of The 1975's early music, especially with the short guitar riffs in the chorus, and was a great way to lead into the era. The song balances perfectly between the lower murmured verses and the soprano-heavy chorus. When put back to back with Youngblood, the pair shows both the rock and pop sounds that carry throughout the album.
Lie to Me: 3 am and the moonlight's testing me. If I can make it til dawn, then it won't be hard to see I ain't happy, no no, I ain't so happy. Flashing back to New York City, changing flights so you'd stay with me. Problem was I thought I had this right.
Lie to Me is the first of two ballads on the album and features a return of the finger snaps that featured so heavily in Youngblood. The layered vocals add a haunting echo to the song, especially in the outro, with its mournful yet melodic "La la la" group vocals that leads into the final request of "lie to me." Luke really delivers on the vocals here, delivering the emotion that the song needs in order to click. Despite being the shortest track on the album, Lie to Me uses what time it has well and feels complete.
Valentine: I can take you out, oh oh, we could kill some time, stay home. Throw balloons, teddy bears and the chocolate eclairs away. Got nothing but love for you, fall more in love every day.
For all the popheads here who like a good slut bop, Valentine is what you're looking for. From a sexy bassline to lyrics about "sweet cherry pie" and the enticingly drawn out bridge of "full plate, don't wait, have your cake and eat it too," Valentine is the first upbeat song on the album in terms of subject matter. Michael said that Valentine's Day has yet to have a definitive song, and Valentine was the answer to that need. It's also the first song on the album to feature the band's signature diverse vocals between members, with both Calum and Michael getting a solo verse while Luke helms the chorus. It's love song with a dark, moody tone, as evidenced by the almost spooky vibes of the music video.
Talk Fast: Leave all of your indecisions with you at home. Don't say you're doing me a favor. Why so complicated, won't you throw me a bone? I want your love in every flavor.
I've noticed that Talk Fast seems to be a sub favorite (when Youngblood gets discussed) and it's with good reason. This fast-paced song is a bop with heavy 80s vibes, especially on the chorus, which mixes synths with a strong drum beat and slick guitar riff. The music matches the carefree, devil may care theme of the song, which centers around enticing a potential hookup to come home with them despite the potential consequences. I think this song easily has one of the catchiest choruses on the album as well. I adore the whispered outro especially.
Moving Along: Scared of moving on, but you're already gone. So, if you're moving on, won't you just tell me? Thinking 'bout you lots lately. Have you been eating breakfast alone like me? Thinkin 'bout you lots lately. Or are you movin' along?
Moving Along is easily the closest 5SOS get to their "old sound" on this album. It could've easily featured on either of their previous albums (albeit perhaps not with the admission of being drunk and naked on a sofa). The chanted chorus balances acutely deep questions, asking their former lover if they're eating breakfast alone/filling empty beds too, while couching it in the simple statement of "thinking 'bout you lots lately" that rings like any drunk text admitting things you wish you hadn't asked. I love the more naked bridge/outro too, which brings the unsure emotions of the song into full focus.
If Walls Could Talk: Some things are meant to be secret and not to be heard, so if I tell you "Just keep it and don't say a word." Yeah, when the doors are all closing, it's bound to get loud, 'cause all these bodies are hoping to get addicted to sound.
If Walls Could Talk is one of my favorite songs of the album. It's one of the more pop leaning songs (which makes sense, as Julia Michaels is one of the cowriters) and a straight up club banger. I have to wonder if the chorus of the song, musing that if walls could talk, they've seen too many things and the band would fall from grace, is a sly reference to their Rolling Stone article. I love the hints of an acoustic guitar strumming and claps in the background of the chorus, as well as the amazing breakdown of the bridge and final chorus. It's sexy and moody and works so damn well.
Better Man: Thought I'd found the highest of highs, you came and topped them all. You shine in the dead of the night and I was the first to fall. Fading away, fading away, wake up to someone with nothing to say. I'd never change, thought I'd never change, then you come and change it all.
They might have missed the trop pop wave, but 5SOS puts their own spin on it with grace in Better Man. Possibly the most optimistic song about relationships on the album, Better Man is a love letter to a new lover that thanks them for bringing about new changes for the better. I love the stripped guitar that makes up most of the song, giving it a sweet, sentimental vibe that compliments the lyrics. The chorus is super catchy as well. It's a great summer song and I think it would work well as a potential single.
More: 'Cause lately we've been living in different nations, enemy lines are drawn, lines are drawn. We're speaking different tongues communicating right through the bedroom wall, bedroom wall. And as we fall, time is frozen. I know we break, but we're not broken.
More is another one of the album's anthems. Distorted bass and a rough guitar build the background of the song, with a cowbell applied so well it could cure any fever. The chorus starts with just a guitar, then builds with a fierce drum roll, and finally breaks into the grand instrumental in a great ramping up of tension that mirrors the desperation of the song. The song feels like an argument, especially with the sheer emotion behind the chorus, and I adore the lyrics I've quoted above, particularly "we're speaking different tongues, communicating right through the bedroom wall." It's such a distinct sensation--as Ashton put it, it's about falling out of love and feeling like you're not even speaking the same language as your partner anymore--and I think it's delivered well here.
Why Won't You Love Me: Switching into airplane mode again, we're not alright but I'll pretend. Press my cheek against the glass, just be good 'til I get back. The ground disappears, I hold back the tears. I check my phone to see your face, staring back as if to say "Don't worry, you won't be lonely."
Why Won't You Love Me (and the song that follows it) are easily the most experimental songs on the album. So whiny that it borders on grating but pulls it off, the chorus begging "Why won't you love me?!" portrays a sense of hopeless confusion expertly. The song was co-written with Rivers Cuomo of Weezer, who wrote the chorus that the band then expanded on with the rest of the song. I especially love the back and forth second verse, which splits vocals between Calum and Michael in a way that really works well for the song. It's a raw love song, one that revels in its bluntness and lack of a shiny "love song" veneer.
Woke Up in Japan: It's enough to let the night let go of me. A few steps into the open doorway. Heart pounding, there's a noise complaint from room 304. Falling fast, breathing slow, time is up, the end is just a dream, just a dream.
Woke Up in Japan is a trippy song that feels like multiple songs strung together. The song starts with the chorus, which is slow and muted, transitioning into the short verses backed with a tight, quick guitar riff, only to merge into an almost psychedelic pre-chorus. Michael said that this song was recorded live as a group in one take in the studio, which I think helps blend the divergent sounds of the song's parts together. This song definitely took a while to click for me, and I think it works best with a good set of headphones that really let you get wrapped up in the song's layers.
Empty Wallets: Get you high when I'm high, so we see eye-to-eye, whoa-oh. Take the high with the low and away and away we go. Living our lives, dancing on empty wallets, spend it all on you, spend it all on you.
This song is just a fucking bop. From the shouted "Heyyy!" sprinkled through the song, to the stripped chorus, and that big pre-bridge with its heavy bass, it's a song that's meant for dancing. The song has one of my favorite beats of the album. Ashton said that it was written about a friend who he loaned money to only to learn that the friend hadn't spent it well, and I think the song has a strong sarcastic tone to the lyrics that fits that. It's most noticeable in the bridge, which pairs the forgiving "I always believed in second chances" with the harsher "I always believed in you."
Ghost of You: So I drown it out, like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you. And I chase it down, with this shot of truth, that my feet don't dance like they did with you.
This is the big ballad of the album. Calum said that every song is a "question or an answer, and this song is definitely a question" which I think is a poignant way to look at it. I adore the imagery in the song, which brings to life the little details of lipstick on coffee cups and worn t-shirts while also expertly painting the scene in the chorus of dancing with a ghost (which Luke said was partially inspired by the show This Is Us). As the last song on the standard edition of the album, it's a fantastic closer that shows an almost acceptance of being alone while still putting the pain on full display. It's the hungover morning after a night you really wish you could forget. The bridge, where "Too young, too dumb, to know things like love" is chanted over lovely backing vocals leads into the stripped, piano and strings only, last chorus is absolutely haunting.
Monster Among Men: Fragile, always 'bout to fall just like sand castles. Three, two, one go. Stronghold, it's time for me to admit that I'm an asshole, so here I go. Oh, the stupid truth is I'm so bad for you.
The first bonus track takes us back to the trop pop vibes from Better Man and, fittingly, I think the song is a perfect mirror of the song. While Better Man thanks a new lover for changing them, Monster Among Men is an introspective demand to be a better person themselves. The chorus has a similar drawl in the delivery as well that calls back to Better Man.
Meet You There: When it's physical, I can't keep track of days. But the emotional is more than we can take.
Meet You There is a song that focuses more on the instrumentals to great effect (and the band performed it on the Meet You There tour this summer as 80% instrumental only). The drums are the highlight of the song by far, with Ashton showing off just how skilled he is. If a song was going to accompany a car chase scene in a movie, Meet You There would be that song.
Babylon: I'm tired of the feud, your short fuse, my half-truths are not amused. I wish we had a clue to start new, a white moon, no residue. The color of our mood is so rude, a cold June, we're not immune. But if we're way too faded to fight, you can stay one more night.
Babylon is my personal favorite of the whole 19 song set (and honestly, my top song of 2018 in general). The first time I heard it, I stopped everything and immediately put it on repeat because I knew that I instantly needed to hear it again. This song is bombastic and as epic as the city its named after. Starting with a broken, almost theatrical opener, the song builds on a crisp guitar and verses that feel like poetry. The energy in the chorus is incredible, building in a way that gives me shivers every time I hear it. Everything from the music in the background, to the brilliant lyrics, and Calum's excellent vocal delivery (particularly with the slightly varied last chorus) creates a perfect song.
When You Walk Away: I've been dreaming like a fool in a nightmare of a world. It's bringing out the worst in me. Shook me to the core, my optimism floored, my karma got the worst of me.
When You Walk Away is the last trop pop influenced song, heavy on bass and a simple drum beat. The chorus is pure singalong, with its cheeky vocal slide in "when you walk away-AY!" breaking through the normal lyrics. It's possibly the simplest song on the album, without a lot of flash to it, but the simplicity works for it.
Best Friend: You're my best friend. No, I didn't stutter 'til the day end, through heaven and high water. Ooh, it kills me not to tell you you're my best friend, my, my best friend.
This song is hilarious. It's cheesy, from its lyrics to the old western theme, but it's also catchy as hell. Ashton puts his vocals to work, running the entire song. I love the chorus, which is one mere step away from a drunken "I love you man!!!" confession. It's the kind of song that could easily sway too far to silly, but it's executed in just the right way. Ashton is considered something like the "dad" of the band and that comes out in this song which is essentially a love letter to his band mates.
Midnight: Your emotions under pressure when I ask for something more. I take the chances that I've given, 'cause I'm desperately all yours.
The bop only Japan was meant to hear and the jam that closes out the entirety of Youngblood, Midnight is another heavily 80s themed jam questioning a hidden love. I love the almost dreamy feel to the song, amplified by the effect on the guitars and bass. I think Midnight works well as the theoretical second "closer" to the album, pulling together the thematic threads of missing someone while also holding on to what you've got.
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I have, obviously, said a ton about this album and honestly, could talk about it even more. I don't think a week has gone by in the six months since this album dropped where I didn't listen to it. This was one of my most anticipated releases of 2018, but also one of my most unexpected surprises. Even with the proposed sound change evident in Girls Talk Boys, I really wasn't expecting 5SOS to deliver an album this mature and realized. You can always tell when a band has put their heart and soul into an album and it's so clear to me that that's exactly what they've done on Youngblood. There's a level of "okay, we're opening up" that's evident in both the lyrics and the way the band has been talking about this album for the past year that really speak to just how much it means to them.
Pop-punk bands going more heavily pop has a fraught past in terms of reception/execution, but I think that 5SOS has pulled it off and evolved in a way that lends itself to more longevity and growth than they might have previously had. One of the biggest issues involved with a sound change for any artist is the possibility of half-assing it, and I love that they didn't do that on this album. They didn't abandon their signature traits, continuing their tradition of writing (or co-writing) all their songs and sharing the vocal spotlight between members, but they reshaped and rebuilt it until it was something both new but still theirs. I think they're also managing to shake off the 1D connection with this album and building themselves up on their own merits and sound.
I think a lot of people have written 5SOS off previously, for any number of reasons, but I hope that this album write-up has inspired you to give them another chance!

5 SECONDS OF DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. What's your favorite song on the album? Least favorite?
2. Do you think the band pulled off the sound change? Do you think that the change was for the better or worse?
3. Where do you think the band goes from here?
4. What other themes do you pick up on in this album?
5. Any other thoughts?
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2018.12.18 05:11 OldmanRevived i saw three movies (BlacKkKlansman, Mandy, Assassination Nation)

welcome to yet another edition of 'Catching Up On Movies That I Didn't Get A Chance To See In Theaters'
the first one was BlacKkKlansman
Spike Lee is a very talented and very gifted filmmaker known for examining different political and cultural issues that take place in contemporary urban life. i've come to really enjoy the work that he puts out, so i was looking forward to this movie.
Ron Stallworth (John David Washington), an African American police officer from Colorado Springs, CO, successfully manages to infiltrate the local Ku Klux Klan branch with the help of a Jewish surrogate (Adam Driver) who eventually becomes its leader.
it's pretty much a mish-mash of blaxploitation and gritty cop movies from the 70s. and in the political aspect, they have a hell of a lot to say. you gain a bit of perspective from the different speakers that the movie shows. one of them is a popular motivational speaker among the black community, and another is an older gentlemen who shares his experiences with segregation and racism from way back when.
the racist, white members of Colorado are set up by throwing all subtlety out the window. hence the overuse of the N word and every other racial slur you can imagine. not just for blacks, but Mexicans, Asians, Jews, the works. they can't go more than a couple of sentences without saying something completely belligerent and racist. the Klan even has a fallacious phrase that they chant, "America first!" if the movie were taking place in modern day, these characters would all be wearing Trump hats.
the film's narrative is fascinating not only as a political piece, but also as a crime story. the main character, Ron Stollworth, takes the role of an undercover cop in order to serve a cause and help his community. while he dives into this job with a ton of drive and ambition, his partner in crime, Flip, takes a more casual approach and sees it as just a line of work. over time, he does become more associative and brings a ton of collaboration to Stollworth's mission.
other officers in the force are welcoming to Ron, but you still have the one bad cop who sticks with the white supremacist mindset. luckily, though, he gets what's coming to him by the end. remember kids, if you choose to be a racist asshole for just long enough, you'll eventually fuck yourself over.
Topher Grace gives a challenging performance as David Duke, the national director of the KKK. as horrible as his ideals and morals are, he resembles a certain likability and nuance. he's the only Klansman who chooses the right time and place to say something over the line.
the overall tone of the film is hard to classify, because it's a whole bunch of things at once. it chooses to be funny, dramatic, suspenseful, and provocative. all of it is done in a masterfully consistant way. you shift motives and attitudes along with the characters, feeling as if you're part of their team. and, in the case of tackling this kind of subject matter, Spike Lee gives a fair portrayal of everyone. it rarely ever feels one-sided with ithe message. the only instance where it seemed kinda heavy handed was the very end, in which it shows real footage from last year's protest march in Charolettesville. that felt a little too on the nose, but it was short enough to not be a neusance.
in terms of filmmaking and cinematography, it's outstanding. occasionaly there'll be a few unique camera angles and nice choices with the editing. there's even the signature Spike Lee steadicam shot that never gets old. the soundtrack was also fitting for the era, throwing in artists like The Cornelius Brothers and Looking Glass. it's enough to make you start grooving and snapping your fingers.
overall, i thought this was an awesome movie. it's tense, hilarious, extremely well written, and produced terrifically. if you're interested, i would highly recommend it.

the next one was Mandy
other than Nicolas Cage being in the lead role, i knew absolutely nothing about this going in. just going off of the poster, i assumed it would be an arthouse film. sometimes those can be good, but other times you have some pretentious ones that have their head shoved high up their own ass. still, i was curious to check it out.
it tells the story of loving couple Red Miller (Nicolas Cage) and Mandy Bloom (Andrea Riseborough). living in the Pacific north west in 1983, Red works as a forestry worker while Mandy is an artist and works in a local shop. their idyllic, private and quiet life is soon torn apart in a vile and brutal way by a drugged up religious cult, accompanied by three insane bikers. all of which propells Red into a spiraling, surreal rampage of vengeance.
the presentation of this story is full of surreal beauty that you can't help but admire. it has the most creative usage of neon colors, lens flares, cross fading, and distortion that's hard to come by nowadays. as significant as it looks, the world is built to be nightmarish and disturbing. the leader of this unstable cult is Jeremiah. he's the type of lunatic that you read about online or see in certain documentaries. he sees himself as a surrogate, and spews out all of this nonsense about how God told him to make the world what he wanted. him and his followers go after this couple and do the most inexplicable, horrendous things to them all because of Jeremiah's affection towards Mandy. it's the type of sick, compulsive obsession that one would either die or kill someone else for.
Red is the type of lead that's inexpressive and silent for a vast majority of the film. don't worry, though, it doesn't leave you without the ballastic Nic Cage moments that everyone loves to see. most of it can just come from the crazed expression on his bloodied up face as he decends more and more into chaotic madness. during the third act, it turns into an all-out gore show and vigalante piece. not only does he seek revenge by hunting down members of the cult, but he also comes across these freaky goblin creatures that are set to kill. when i say freaky, i mean really freaky. one of them actually has a sword penis.
i've pretty much explained as much of the story as i can. that's where the big flaw of this movie comes in: the pacing. they made the visuals an absolute priority and turned the plot into an afterthought. yes, there are overt details that grab the audience, such as the short 2D animated bits that pop in every now and again. but often, it turns out to just be pretty stuff to look at and not much else. there's a handful of scenes that could easily be taken out because it feels like the director is showing off how creative he is artistically. unless the imagery starts to take the story further, it'll become stale. however, it did improve upon that near the last act, where it switches into an intense action thriller. not to mention there are extremely well done practical effects that seem like something out of an 80s B movie.
look, this isn't the type of movie where i can classify it as something good or bad. do i recommend it? yes. does that mean it's a positive experience, or negative one? well, to be honest, it's neither. it's a similar experience that you have watching something like Eraserhead. you get absorbed in the batshit insanity and bizarre hallucinations that are put in front of you, and by the end you're just left wondering "what the hell was that?" good luck searching for the answers.

the last one was Assassination Nation
Salem, MA high school senior Lily Colson and her pals spend their time in a haze of social media and partying. when the people of Salem are targeted in a malicious data hack, all privacy is destroyed and lives are ruined as deadly secrets are exposed. the small town turns on each other and descends into violent chaos as they hunt for the culprit. Lily and her friends must band together if they want to survive the night and restore peace in the town they love.
the main characters, as well as the side ones, are set up to be devoid of any empathy. just like any high schooler, they are fierce, sex hungry egotists that will find literally any reason to judge or make fun of someone. luckily, though, the girls aren't homophobic. the trans chick of the group, Bex, is treated with a fair amount of respect. at least they know where to draw the line in certain areas.
for the first two thirds of the film, it's a look into the culture of this neighborhood. done with music video aesthetics, split screen effects, and youthful energy. the one thing that i appreciated the most is that when they were going for the look of something shot on an iPhone, it was actually shot on an iPhone. most times the filmmakers just use some crappy filter to make it look like phone quality, but i'm glad they were able to take it up a notch here. there are more playful techniques, such as showing close-ups of text on a computer screen or phone, or slideshows of pictures zipping by. Sam Levinson added a lot of clever satire about social media and the use of it nowadays.
the millennial dialogue is filled with internet slang terms that are actually said in a natural way and don't sound that cringy. the only instance where they overdid it was the very last line in the very last scene. that was just too stupid, and something that i'm pretty sure no kid would say, even ironically, in the real world.
at a point, the satire starts dying down and it becomes more gritty and violent. who knew that the simple act of hacking would lead to full on riots in the streets, waterboarding, burglary, murder, rape, and pretty much every other vile act that you read about in the news every day. this section is where the technical achievements really start to shine. one sequence has an extended steadicam shot panning around different sections of a house through the windows. it reminded me of the opening scene to Brian De Palma's Blow Out. oh, but it doesn't stop there. they also accomplish some angles of the camera rotating upside down while panning. this cinematography was insanely impressive and added a great amount of glamour that was suitable for the overall tone of the movie.
with this subject matter, it undoubtedly raises some commentary on topical issues that are around today. but surprisingly, the one that it touches on the least is politics. sure, you can see the American flag once or twice, and there's also a bit of a scandal featuring the mayor of the town near the beginning, but those little bits just come and go. it mainly goes over gang mentality, digital privacy and the lack thereof, desensitisation to violence and gore, and most importantly, the frightening impact that technology can have on the world. there are some really sick fucks out there, and they could have a serious level of power right at their fingertips.
the actors were primarily first timers, but they all did a fantastic job. the biggest name in the cast list, Joel McHale, plays one of the most menacing creeps in the entire movie. no joke, there are a couple of scenes that get legitimately intense and uncomfortable. you can take that as a compliment towards the writing.
in the end, i thought this movie was a lot of fun. it's got some good humor, well done action, and a pretty decent musical score that amped up the thrills. if you're interested, give it a watch sometime.
submitted by OldmanRevived to MLPLounge [link] [comments]


2018.11.29 01:23 rhonnie14 I Saw Someone Dumping Bodies Off In Our Neighborhood

This was my last week living at Lake Blackshear, Georgia. My wife Holly had recently had our son, so rather than living out in the boondocks, I went ahead and bought us a cozy home on St. Simon's Island. We were moving Thursday, and she couldn't wait. For me though... well, there were some aspects of our house I was gonna miss.
For one thing, having the lake out back was glorious. Shit, I never even owned a boat or went swimming, but waking up to the sight of Blackshear felt exhilarating. A true snapshot of the serene beauty of rural Georgia.
And for living in such a wealthy neighborhood, no one ever bothered us. You see, most of the houses here were vacation homes. During the winter, River Road was basically a ghost town. Not to mention most of these houses had been abandoned since the Recession. I even had my realtor try to dupe me into buying another one, but I wasn't falling for that shit. Dr. Alan Brooks may have just been a jack-of-all trades/master-of-none at Albany Memorial Hospital, but bad investing wasn't one of them.
Overall, to say Holly and me were isolated would be an understatement. Lake Blackshear was like a haven for the wealthy and elderly. The closest "city" we had was Warwick which is one of the most notorious speed traps in the southeast. I guess they needed more than Stripling's sausages to support their local economy.
Of course, there were more reasons for the move than just family and location. My job was getting worse. Much worse. Nothing that I did was wrong, but the stress and drama was getting to me. My co-workers had turned the place into fucking Grey's Anatomy minus the show's warm jokes and sentimental side plots. Goddamn, Albany Memorial was a mess. At just forty-six, I'd felt like the last fifteen years of my life I'd aged in dog years. I had to get off this sinking ship and sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow was my last day of work there. My last day to report to our asylum-like emergency room. I was overcome with anticipation for the move. An excitement I hadn't felt since Holly had our son Michael. I felt rejuvenated. Such was the relief of having the burden that was the hospital lifted off my shoulders.
Yet here I was on my off-day. Up at 6 A.M. like a solder who'd never got over their morning routine. Dressed in my sweats and SuperJew hoodie, I was ready to get back in session with Mother Nature.
I always loved my morning runs. You can call it fun or healthy, but for me, it's therapeutic. Even on these frigid November mornings, there's nothing like finishing off a can of Monster before running out into the cold.
Bracing myself for the wind sweeping off the lake like spirits emerging from the water, I looked out a kitchen window. I had maybe an hour until daylight.
Reflective, I realized St. Simon's would only be fucking colder when I made my mark on their roads next week. But oh well. At least, there'd be people around me. At least, we'd be near a community. And near the beach. And most importantly, Holly would be happy. That's what mattered most.
Using my phone as a flashlight, I made my way out into the darkness. The cold breeze hit me like bullets fired by an opposing army. But I fought back and took off in a steady jog. Right down my driveway and onto River Road.
The neighborhood was usually dead and today (tonight?) was no different. There wasn't a car in sight. No lights on in any of the huge houses. With the stars still out, I felt like I was jogging through outer space. A sea of darkness.
Right now, it was just Alan and nature. And the cold. All while Big Country's "In A Big Country" played through my earbuds.
Soon, my shivering gave way to pumping adrenaline. Heavy breathing. I could even feel sweat in this forty-degree temperature.
The further I got down River Road, the houses began to morph into overgrown undeveloped properties. Properties that'd suffered deteriorating conditions and prices over the last ten years. No one was buying this shit...
I saw the cul-de-sac up ahead. Well, if you wanna call it that. A cul-de-sac as in the developers just said fuck it and abandoned River Road by no longer building the actual road. Like an incomplete section at the top of a skyscraper.
Beyond the dead end was just woods. A burgeoning forest complete with lakefront property that would likely never be settled. Basically, the perfect spot for Holly's dogs to piss and shit during our afternoon walks. I guess the realtors could always pitch it as a perk. Live on River Road and live adjacent to a park! ... More like live next to a fucking jungle.
Thinking it was time for a breather, I strolled up to the end of the cul-de-sac. I paused Billy Joel's "Big Shot." Panting like an exasperated dog, I breathed heavy. I could see my air escape my lips in constant bursts. Lowering my phone, I looked off at the woods. The can of Monster had caught up to me. Maybe I could imitate my dogs and go take a piss out in the woods myself...
I took a few steps into the collection of wet tall grass. Then I came to a nervous stop. About twenty feet away, down a dirt path, was a pair of lights. Tail lights that cut through the darkness like torches.
Uneasy, I yanked out my earbuds and turned off my phone's light. In the rural silence, I heard the steady hum of an engine. What would a fucking car be doing back here...
I looked all around me. I was all alone with nothing but derelict properties for company. But something was odd... it wasn't even dawn and someone besides the Brooks family was here on River Road.
Clinging to my cell, I approached the car with cautious steps. I could see the vehicle's headlights were facing to the right. Straight on at the majestic lake.
I was going so slow, the cold had returned with a vengeance. Trembling, I pulled my hoodie in tighter.
Right when I got ten feet away, a ferocious splash startled me.
I stopped and looked down toward the lake. Straining through the darkness, I could see outlines on the ground. Shapes. A man stood by the shoreline. A large flashlight lied on the ground next to him.
Focusing, I watched the tall man cry out as he threw something into the lake.
Another loud splash echoed through the forest. It sounded like the guy was tossing boulders into the water. Only they were too big to be boulders...
Like a factory worker, the man got to work lifting another one of these oblong objects. I saw there was one more left on the shore. A small stack that the man must've been working on all morning.
Holding the object, the man stepped closer toward the flashlight.
And then I saw what he was holding. A large white sheet. Ropes tied all around it. Like the man had kidnapped a ghost.
Maybe they were ghosts, I realized in horror. All those stains on the white cloth sure looked dark. Like splashes of red paint...
I felt my face go whiter than those sheets. In the cold, I struggled to keep myself from breaking down into a shivering mess. Covering my mouth, I tried to stifle my chattering teeth.
With ferocity, the man hurled this "bundle" into Lake Blackshear. The splashes sounded louder. And they were always followed by the man's gruff breathing.
The man let out another cry as he grabbed the final load.
This last one was the smallest. Yet another tied-up white sheet... this one with even more red stains than the others.
To my horror, I saw an unmistakable foot dangling out the bottom of that makeshift bodybag. A small Batman sneaker. Velcro for shoestrings. The shoe of a young child.
I couldn't be certain, but I thought I saw a substance constantly dripping off the shoe. A dark liquid... as a doctor, I've seen that color all off often. That tinge of dark red.
Growling, the man threw this lightest load straight into the lake. As if he were hurling a javelin.
This splash was the weakest yet. And with a sickening sensation in my gut, I knew a child would probably be the lightest of the bunch.
Horrified, I staggered back. I was fucking quiet until I tripped over an object hiding in the grass.
The hard ground greeted the back of my head. I shook off my dazed state. This up close and personal, I saw what I'd tripped over.
A human hand stuck out of the dirt like a morbid plant. The hand was pale and still. Completely dead. But judging by those scratches and cuts on its fingers, I knew it'd still been quite active when it was buried alive.
Ready to leap off the ground, my hands scurried back. Until I felt something sticky. Something wet.
Full of dread, I turned to see an abundance of fresh blood covering the grass like a red rain had fallen.
And like a variety of planted crops, there were more than just hands sticking up out of the ground. There were fingers, feet, even strands of bloodied blonde hair. Bits of flesh and bones were all strewn about in this... this fucking burial ground.
I moved my hand away and felt it hit another lodged object. I was hoping it was a rock. But that was delusional wishful thinking.
Instead, I made eye contact with a brown eyeball buried in the dirt. One that was forever wide open.
I let out a panicked cry. I couldn't hold my fear any longer. Not when I was this cold and terrified.
A beam of light brighter than the sun hit me.
"Hey!" I heard a nasty Southern accent growl.
Alarmed, I staggered to my feet and turned to see the man in all his frightening glory.
There he was less than fifteen feet away from me. Right next to what I presumed was his vehicle.
The man's flashlight illuminated his appearance for my eyes to see. He was close to my age. Piercing blue eyes. An executioner's scowl. A hollow face that could never be mistaken for warm and friendly.
His short curly hair must've been messy from his night's "work." A trash stache that'd have been hilarious in any other situation was now nothing more than a menacing attribute on this canvas of evil. The man's undershirt was covered in more red stains than those white sheets.
He stood lean and tall. And with that huge flashlight, he resembled an eerie caretaker holding a lantern.
"Get over here, Goddammit!" he barked at me, spit flying out of his mouth.
Nervous, I just stared at him. I was quiet. Dead still. Only the cold air seeping from my heavy breaths let me know I was still alive.
Glowering, the man marched toward me. "C'mere, you son-of-a-bitch!"
Like a gunshot to start a race, his first move was the only signal I'd need. I sprinted off for that dirt path. And thankfully, I avoided all the protruding skulls and hands along the way.
I heard the man give chase.
"Come back, Goddammit!" he yelled, his voice more brutal than a Pit Bull's growl.
But he couldn't catch me. Not a chance. I hauled ass down that path. And soon enough, both the man and his cries faded away into the dark wilderness.
Clutching my phone, I stepped foot onto the cul-de-sac. I'd never felt more relieved to be on this junk side of River Road. I glanced back real quick but saw nothing. No sign of the man. I slowed to a steady jog.
As I continued my trek past the overgrown "yards," I raised my phone to call the police.
But then like a roaring beast, I heard an engine erupt right behind me.
Terrified, I whirled around. The beast's beaming eyes blinded me. And those two large headlights were careening straight toward me. The tall man had given up on going after me by foot. Now he was hunting me by car.
Picking up speed, I ran as fast as I could. Like a heroic long distance runner. My adrenaline and fear melted all the cold I felt. My breath poured out in front of me like smoke coming from the engine that was my soul.
I could hear the car bellow through the quiet night. And it was only getting closer... like a manic crop duster swooping down upon me. North By Northwest on steroids. Only this was happening in reality. To me. In my own neighborhood.
Like an out-of-control winged monster, the car glided back-and-forth in both lanes. The headlights a crosshairs for the man.
Up ahead, I saw houses. All of them with their lights off.
The closest one was to my left. And through the darkness, I could see the Daniels's mailbox. At least, I thought that was their name... shit, Daniels or David, whatever the Hell their name was! If anyone else was home in this fucking neighborhood, it was them!
My heavy breathing intensified. My legs felt empty. At this rate, my sweat could freeze to me and I wouldn't feel it. Nothing but hope and caffeine kept me going.
With gusto, the car snarled and got even closer. I could feel its lights bearing down on me. But right before that monster of a vehicle could pounce, I jumped to the left.
I landed in the Daniels's/David's wet front lawn. Not the most graceful move, but hey, I was just thankful I hadn't landed on any blood or buried hands.
Exhausted, I looked up to see the car make a quick swerve. A maneuver I'd only ever seen in video games, but I'll be damned if the man didn't make it look effortless. Before I knew it, those irate headlight eyes zeroed in on me once more. In the cool November night, the vehicle resembled an oversized bat. One with a lust for blood.
"Shit," I muttered. Time to run.
As I heard the revving engine, I got on my feet and took off for the house's front door. I moved so fast I didn't even flinch when I stepped in a huge pile of dogshit. I was used to that anyway...
I could feel the headlights. I could hear the tires snarl. I could hear that motor heading right toward the driveway.
My knees wobbly, I climbed up the porch steps. "Open the door!" I yelled.
With desperate strength, I banged on that front door. My hands like hammers smashing into it. "Open the door! Please!" I begged. "It's Alan! Open the door!"
I heard nothing. Nothing at all. For that matter, I saw no more light in this staunch darkness.
Nervous, I turned. The car was gone. The son-of-a-bitch never came hurtling down that driveway. I was all alone.
Before my relief got carried away, a chorus of barks scared me back to reality. I looked over at a window and saw two Dobermans scratching at the glass. Their saliva flew all over the window like scattered rain. Their eyes glowering at me with the same vile hatred of the tall man.
I thought maybe my luck had started to change. Maybe the Daniels or whoever they were might still be home after all.
Cautious, I leaned in a little closer toward the window. Then my heart sank further than my hopes.
There wasn't just dogs in the family's entryway. Mr. Daniels himself was sprawled out on the floor. A huge bullet in his head. His bloodied gray matter exposed for all the world to see. His blue bathrobe brandished in redness.
I could even see where his own dogs had gotten to him. Chunks of Mr. Daniels's head had been ripped out by the Dobermans' hungry fangs. His pool of blood a grisly substitute for their empty water bowls.
I couldn't help but wonder where the rest of his family was? But honestly, I didn't wanna know. Not now... and I sure as Hell wasn't gonna tangle with those mutts to find out.
As the dogs kept snarling, I stumbled off the porch. My steps weary and weak. I'd felt like I completed a marathon. And in many respects, I had. Only I wasn't competing for money or glory. I was competing for my life.
Wiping sweat off my brow, I scraped the dogshit off on the final porch step. Then I stopped on the front lawn. I could still hear the Goddamn Dobermans through the serene silence.
I looked up at the sky. Dawn was upon us. Soon, the sunlight would shatter through this cold November night.
Tired, I lifted my phone. At this point, my cell really did feel frozen to my flesh.
I began mashing 911 when I felt a quick whiz zoom right past me. I stopped, confused. Another gush of wind brushed by my ear. Like the force you feel when someone just misses punching you. Only this was much more dangerous... these were bullets.
Frightened, I turned. And off in the distance, I could see the outline of the car parked in another yard. The headlights were off, and the man stood right outside the door on the driver's side. Total stealth mode.
To my horror, I realized he wasn't pointing a flashlight at me either.
Another shot rang out, and this one did signal a race.
I took off like a frightened juvenile delinquent. Through all my neighbors' yards. I didn't care since most of these assholes weren't home anyway. They never were. Then it dawned on me that some of them were probably dead... just like Mr. Daniels.
All around me, the bullets just missed. Like I was the world's most evasive target. Thank God, this asshole wasn't a great shot...
Behind me, I heard the car's engine roar to life. The tires screeched into hyperdrive.
I got closer and closer to my house. Stumbling through all the shrubs and bushes, I could see it up ahead like a gorgeous mirage. My wife's most hated place had become my dream destination.
Another bullet made me duck. But I kept going. I'd gone out-of-breath at this point. All the exhaustion made me hot in the chilly weather. Sweat drenched my clothes like I'd run through a rainstorm.
Powering through, I continued on the journey through this seemingly-abandoned rich neighborhood. The houses may as well have been decoys. I didn't see a single light on, much less any of my "neighbors" out and about.
I noticed the headlights grow brighter behind me. I knew the car was just a few feet away.
A violent honk made me jump. And right when I sensed the car aligning with me, I leaped down into my neighbor's ugly bushes.
Above me, I saw a bullet blast a tree limb off one of my neighbor's oaks. Like a broken statue, the branch landed right by me, smashing into several pieces.
I laid there on my chest for what seemed an eternity. I covered my mouth to suppress my exhaustive breaths. For several intense seconds, I just stayed right there. But I never heard those tires skirting to come back. I saw no gleaming headlights. There was nothing.
I dialed 911. Something I should've done a longass time ago. That poor operator got an earful. I know I must've sounded like a delusional methhead. But the message was pretty fucking clear: SEND SOMEBODY TO RIVER ROAD, GODDAMMIT! SOMEBODY'S SHOOTING AT ME!
Cautious, I stood up. No one was around. Even the car was gone. Still paranoid, I ran into my yard.
Like I'd reached a finish line, I leaned against my garage wall. The garden hose alleviated my depleted energy. With this break from the battle, I finally had the time to brush all the dirt and debris off my clothes.
Faint sunshine was out by the time a cop car pulled in. Relieved, I staggered up to the vehicle. The cool wind made me pull my hoodie in a little closer.
I felt a wave of comfort just seeing the siren sitting on top of the car. Even more relief when I saw a logo I never thought I'd be overjoyed to see: Warwick Police Department.
Like a beaming schoolboy, I waved at the officer sitting inside.
As the car got closer, I noticed how large the headlights were. How loud its engine was.
The tires came to a screeching stop.
Unease struck me. In the daylight, what I saw before me was a regular squad car. But at night... this car was no different than the beast that had been hunting me down since 6 A.M.
Dread smashed into me with the ferocity of those missed bullets.
The door on the driver's side swung open. And out stepped a tall, skinny man. No longer in his blood-stained undershirt but an ironed police uniform.
His blue-eyed glare was unmistakable. As was that fucking trash stache.
Confident, he slammed the door right behind him. A smirk appeared on his face. "What seems to be the problem?" he quipped.
Frozen in horror, I watched him approach me. "I think one of my neighbors is hurt," I said in an uneasy tone.
The cop stopped right in front of me. "Oh." His hand grabbed his holster. "Is that so?"
"Yeah." Trembling, I pointed down the road. Toward the Daniels's house. "It's the brick house right down there."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the cop undo his holster.
"I think he needs an ambulance," I went on, doing my best to feign naive calmness. I'm a terrible actor...
The man gripped his firearm. "We'll take care of it," he told me with cold detachment.
"Hey, Tom!" a voice interrupted our staredown.
Both of us turned to see an older cop step out of the passenger's seat and lean against the door. He was pot-bellied with a weathered face. Definitely the elder of the partners.
"Let's go check it out," the older cop said. His commanding eyes looked over at me. "We'll let you know if we find anything."
I lost my voice for a moment. Both from nerves and the cold. "Than you," I finally forced out.
I felt "Tom"'s dagger of blue eyes stay on me. But I avoided eye contact. Even if I noticed his hand kept staying on that gun.
The older cop tapped on the door. "Come on, Tom! Let's go!"
But Tom wasn't ready to leave.
Finally, I turned and looked into his angry eyes. He was studying me like a scientist. Like he wanted to remember me for later.
I held my ground. But not in very convincing fashion. This fucker was well over six feet tall. And oh yeah, he was a cop. With a fucking gun.
Agitated, the older cop got between us. Literally. "Goddammit, Tom!" he grumbled.
Using all his might, the veteran policeman forced his partner back toward the car.
I couldn't hear much of their ensuing conversation. They kept whispering. And most of their chat featured the two of them flashing glances at me.
"We'll do it later," I thought I heard the older cop reassure Tom.
Awkward, I took a few steps back. I can't say I felt too safe out here in the cold.
The older guy shoved Tom back into the driver's seat. "Alright, let's go!" he hurled at the young cop.
Right before he got into the passenger's seat, the older man faced me. A stoic expression on his haggard face. "You'll hear from us later," he said. Not in obligatory-bullshit fashion either... this man was promising it.
Before I could even say anything, the two men were back in the squad car.
Through the windshield, I could see them arguing. I could see them turn their glares on me from time to time. And I knew they didn't care I saw them either.
After what felt like a tense decade, the cop car finally backed out my driveway and drove off toward Mr. Daniel's house.
All I knew was I wasn't sticking around. Panicking more than a cornered crook, I burst inside the house. I told Holly everything. With the aid of coffee, I tried to stay calm and focused. We're getting the fuck out of here! I stated.
We packed up our main shit and left the house in less than an hour. Before the Warwick Police Department could ever give me a neighborhood update.
I took us to my brother's house in Moultrie. At Holly's insistence, I had a moving van go get most of the rest of our other stuff. We were going to St. Simon's Island earlier than expected. But I knew it was worth it. Honestly, I think we had to.
Of course, I never what happened to Mr. Daniels. Just like I never knew what happened to that burial ground out on River Road either.
Less than a month later, I had my brother-in-law go out to our old home and check on it. He made his living as a horror writer... well, if you wanna call it "making a living." I think he just writes all day and posts on forums like this.
Anyway, not to my surprise, he told us our old house had been ransacked. The windows shattered, the front door busted in. He sounded more scared and surprised then I was. I was just relieved me, Holly, and Michael were nowhere near that place when Tom and his partner decided to come back...
I told Holly's brother not to worry about it. The realtors can handle that shit. I'm far away from that house now. Far away from that community.
Sure, St. Simon's Island is fucking cold for those morning jogs. But at least, I can still go running without fearing for my life. And this community is so vibrant and friendly! I suppose the rural seclusion was nice when I was younger and more adventurous... but when you raise a family, man, you just want safety. All I know is Holly's happy now. Her and Michael both.
By the way, if anyone's interested, our old house is still on the market. At an extreme discount, I might add. I'm basically giving it away at this point. The house is still a pretty place too. In a really pretty neighborhood. And from what I've seen, River Road also has quite the local police patrol.
submitted by rhonnie14 to nosleep [link] [comments]


2018.11.28 20:14 rhonnie14 I Saw A Man Drop Bodies Off In My Neighborhood

This was my last week living at Lake Blackshear, Georgia. My wife Holly had recently had our son, so rather than living out in the boondocks, I went ahead and bought us a cozy home on St. Simon's Island. We were moving Thursday, and she couldn't wait. For me though... well, there were some aspects of our house I was gonna miss.
For one thing, having the lake out back was glorious. Shit, I never even owned a boat or went swimming, but waking up to the sight of Blackshear felt exhilarating. A true snapshot of the serene beauty of rural Georgia.
And for living in such a wealthy neighborhood, no one ever bothered us. You see, most of the houses here were vacation homes. During the winter, River Road was basically a ghost town. Not to mention most of these houses had been abandoned since the Recession. I even had my realtor try to dupe me into buying another one, but I wasn't falling for that shit. Dr. Alan Brooks may have just been a jack-of-all trades/master-of-none at Albany Memorial Hospital, but bad investing wasn't one of them.
Overall, to say Holly and me were isolated would be an understatement. Lake Blackshear was like a haven for the wealthy and elderly. The closest "city" we had was Warwick which is one of the most notorious speed traps in the southeast. I guess they needed more than Stripling's sausages to support their local economy.
Of course, there were more reasons for the move than just family and location. My job was getting worse. Much worse. Nothing that I did was wrong, but the stress and drama was getting to me. My co-workers had turned the place into fucking Grey's Anatomy minus the show's warm jokes and sentimental side plots. Goddamn, Albany Memorial was a mess. At just forty-six, I'd felt like the last fifteen years of my life I'd aged in dog years. I had to get off this sinking ship and sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow was my last day of work there. My last day to report to our asylum-like emergency room. I was overcome with anticipation for the move. An excitement I hadn't felt since Holly had our son Michael. I felt rejuvenated. Such was the relief of having the burden that was the hospital lifted off my shoulders.
Yet here I was on my off-day. Up at 6 A.M. like a solder who'd never got over their morning routine. Dressed in my sweats and SuperJew hoodie, I was ready to get back in session with Mother Nature.
I always loved my morning runs. You can call it fun or healthy, but for me, it's therapeutic. Even on these frigid November mornings, there's nothing like finishing off a can of Monster before running out into the cold.
Bracing myself for the wind sweeping off the lake like spirits emerging from the water, I looked out a kitchen window. I had maybe an hour until daylight.
Reflective, I realized St. Simon's would only be fucking colder when I made my mark on their roads next week. But oh well. At least, there'd be people around me. At least, we'd be near a community. And near the beach. And most importantly, Holly would be happy. That's what mattered most.
Using my phone as a flashlight, I made my way out into the darkness. The cold breeze hit me like bullets fired by an opposing army. But I fought back and took off in a steady jog. Right down my driveway and onto River Road.
The neighborhood was usually dead and today (tonight?) was no different. There wasn't a car in sight. No lights on in any of the huge houses. With the stars still out, I felt like I was jogging through outer space. A sea of darkness.
Right now, it was just Alan and nature. And the cold. All while Big Country's "In A Big Country" played through my earbuds.
Soon, my shivering gave way to pumping adrenaline. Heavy breathing. I could even feel sweat in this forty-degree temperature.
The further I got down River Road, the houses began to morph into overgrown undeveloped properties. Properties that'd suffered deteriorating conditions and prices over the last ten years. No one was buying this shit...
I saw the cul-de-sac up ahead. Well, if you wanna call it that. A cul-de-sac as in the developers just said fuck it and abandoned River Road by no longer building the actual road. Like an incomplete section at the top of a skyscraper.
Beyond the dead end was just woods. A burgeoning forest complete with lakefront property that would likely never be settled. Basically, the perfect spot for Holly's dogs to piss and shit during our afternoon walks. I guess the realtors could always pitch it as a perk. Live on River Road and live adjacent to a park! ... More like live next to a fucking jungle.
Thinking it was time for a breather, I strolled up to the end of the cul-de-sac. I paused Billy Joel's "Big Shot." Panting like an exasperated dog, I breathed heavy. I could see my air escape my lips in constant bursts. Lowering my phone, I looked off at the woods. The can of Monster had caught up to me. Maybe I could imitate my dogs and go take a piss out in the woods myself...
I took a few steps into the collection of wet tall grass. Then I came to a nervous stop. About twenty feet away, down a dirt path, was a pair of lights. Tail lights that cut through the darkness like torches.
Uneasy, I yanked out my earbuds and turned off my phone's light. In the rural silence, I heard the steady hum of an engine. What would a fucking car be doing back here...
I looked all around me. I was all alone with nothing but derelict properties for company. But something was odd... it wasn't even dawn and someone besides the Brooks family was here on River Road.
Clinging to my cell, I approached the car with cautious steps. I could see the vehicle's headlights were facing to the right. Straight on at the majestic lake.
I was going so slow, the cold had returned with a vengeance. Trembling, I pulled my hoodie in tighter.
Right when I got ten feet away, a ferocious splash startled me.
I stopped and looked down toward the lake. Straining through the darkness, I could see outlines on the ground. Shapes. A man stood by the shoreline. A large flashlight lied on the ground next to him.
Focusing, I watched the tall man cry out as he threw something into the lake.
Another loud splash echoed through the forest. It sounded like the guy was tossing boulders into the water. Only they were too big to be boulders...
Like a factory worker, the man got to work lifting another one of these oblong objects. I saw there was one more left on the shore. A small stack that the man must've been working on all morning.
Holding the object, the man stepped closer toward the flashlight.
And then I saw what he was holding. A large white sheet. Ropes tied all around it. Like the man had kidnapped a ghost.
Maybe they were ghosts, I realized in horror. All those stains on the white cloth sure looked dark. Like splashes of red paint...
I felt my face go whiter than those sheets. In the cold, I struggled to keep myself from breaking down into a shivering mess. Covering my mouth, I tried to stifle my chattering teeth.
With ferocity, the man hurled this "bundle" into Lake Blackshear. The splashes sounded louder. And they were always followed by the man's gruff breathing.
The man let out another cry as he grabbed the final load.
This last one was the smallest. Yet another tied-up white sheet... this one with even more red stains than the others.
To my horror, I saw an unmistakable foot dangling out the bottom of that makeshift bodybag. A small Batman sneaker. Velcro for shoestrings. The shoe of a young child.
I couldn't be certain, but I thought I saw a substance constantly dripping off the shoe. A dark liquid... as a doctor, I've seen that color all off often. That tinge of dark red.
Growling, the man threw this lightest load straight into the lake. As if he were hurling a javelin.
This splash was the weakest yet. And with a sickening sensation in my gut, I knew a child would probably be the lightest of the bunch.
Horrified, I staggered back. I was fucking quiet until I tripped over an object hiding in the grass.
The hard ground greeted the back of my head. I shook off my dazed state. This up close and personal, I saw what I'd tripped over.
A human hand stuck out of the dirt like a morbid plant. The hand was pale and still. Completely dead. But judging by those scratches and cuts on its fingers, I knew it'd still been quite active when it was buried alive.
Ready to leap off the ground, my hands scurried back. Until I felt something sticky. Something wet.
Full of dread, I turned to see an abundance of fresh blood covering the grass like a red rain had fallen.
And like a variety of planted crops, there were more than just hands sticking up out of the ground. There were fingers, feet, even strands of bloodied blonde hair. Bits of flesh and bones were all strewn about in this... this fucking burial ground.
I moved my hand away and felt it hit another lodged object. I was hoping it was a rock. But that was delusional wishful thinking.
Instead, I made eye contact with a brown eyeball buried in the dirt. One that was forever wide open.
I let out a panicked cry. I couldn't hold my fear any longer. Not when I was this cold and terrified.
A beam of light brighter than the sun hit me.
"Hey!" I heard a nasty Southern accent growl.
Alarmed, I staggered to my feet and turned to see the man in all his frightening glory.
There he was less than fifteen feet away from me. Right next to what I presumed was his vehicle.
The man's flashlight illuminated his appearance for my eyes to see. He was close to my age. Piercing blue eyes. An executioner's scowl. A hollow face that could never be mistaken for warm and friendly.
His short curly hair must've been messy from his night's "work." A trash stache that'd have been hilarious in any other situation was now nothing more than a menacing attribute on this canvas of evil. The man's undershirt was covered in more red stains than those white sheets.
He stood lean and tall. And with that huge flashlight, he resembled an eerie caretaker holding a lantern.
"Get over here, Goddammit!" he barked at me, spit flying out of his mouth.
Nervous, I just stared at him. I was quiet. Dead still. Only the cold air seeping from my heavy breaths let me know I was still alive.
Glowering, the man marched toward me. "C'mere, you son-of-a-bitch!"
Like a gunshot to start a race, his first move was the only signal I'd need. I sprinted off for that dirt path. And thankfully, I avoided all the protruding skulls and hands along the way.
I heard the man give chase.
"Come back, Goddammit!" he yelled, his voice more brutal than a Pit Bull's growl.
But he couldn't catch me. Not a chance. I hauled ass down that path. And soon enough, both the man and his cries faded away into the dark wilderness.
Clutching my phone, I stepped foot onto the cul-de-sac. I'd never felt more relieved to be on this junk side of River Road. I glanced back real quick but saw nothing. No sign of the man. I slowed to a steady jog.
As I continued my trek past the overgrown "yards," I raised my phone to call the police.
But then like a roaring beast, I heard an engine erupt right behind me.
Terrified, I whirled around. The beast's beaming eyes blinded me. And those two large headlights were careening straight toward me. The tall man had given up on going after me by foot. Now he was hunting me by car.
Picking up speed, I ran as fast as I could. Like a heroic long distance runner. My adrenaline and fear melted all the cold I felt. My breath poured out in front of me like smoke coming from the engine that was my soul.
I could hear the car bellow through the quiet night. And it was only getting closer... like a manic crop duster swooping down upon me. North By Northwest on steroids. Only this was happening in reality. To me. In my own neighborhood.
Like an out-of-control winged monster, the car glided back-and-forth in both lanes. The headlights a crosshairs for the man.
Up ahead, I saw houses. All of them with their lights off.
The closest one was to my left. And through the darkness, I could see the Daniels's mailbox. At least, I thought that was their name... shit, Daniels or David, whatever the Hell their name was! If anyone else was home in this fucking neighborhood, it was them!
My heavy breathing intensified. My legs felt empty. At this rate, my sweat could freeze to me and I wouldn't feel it. Nothing but hope and caffeine kept me going.
With gusto, the car snarled and got even closer. I could feel its lights bearing down on me. But right before that monster of a vehicle could pounce, I jumped to the left.
I landed in the Daniels's/David's wet front lawn. Not the most graceful move, but hey, I was just thankful I hadn't landed on any blood or buried hands.
Exhausted, I looked up to see the car make a quick swerve. A maneuver I'd only ever seen in video games, but I'll be damned if the man didn't make it look effortless. Before I knew it, those irate headlight eyes zeroed in on me once more. In the cool November night, the vehicle resembled an oversized bat. One with a lust for blood.
"Shit," I muttered. Time to run.
As I heard the revving engine, I got on my feet and took off for the house's front door. I moved so fast I didn't even flinch when I stepped in a huge pile of dogshit. I was used to that anyway...
I could feel the headlights. I could hear the tires snarl. I could hear that motor heading right toward the driveway.
My knees wobbly, I climbed up the porch steps. "Open the door!" I yelled.
With desperate strength, I banged on that front door. My hands like hammers smashing into it. "Open the door! Please!" I begged. "It's Alan! Open the door!"
I heard nothing. Nothing at all. For that matter, I saw no more light in this staunch darkness.
Nervous, I turned. The car was gone. The son-of-a-bitch never came hurtling down that driveway. I was all alone.
Before my relief got carried away, a chorus of barks scared me back to reality. I looked over at a window and saw two Dobermans scratching at the glass. Their saliva flew all over the window like scattered rain. Their eyes glowering at me with the same vile hatred of the tall man.
I thought maybe my luck had started to change. Maybe the Daniels or whoever they were might still be home after all.
Cautious, I leaned in a little closer toward the window. Then my heart sank further than my hopes.
There wasn't just dogs in the family's entryway. Mr. Daniels himself was sprawled out on the floor. A huge bullet in his head. His bloodied gray matter exposed for all the world to see. His blue bathrobe brandished in redness.
I could even see where his own dogs had gotten to him. Chunks of Mr. Daniels's head had been ripped out by the Dobermans' hungry fangs. His pool of blood a grisly substitute for their empty water bowls.
I couldn't help but wonder where the rest of his family was? But honestly, I didn't wanna know. Not now... and I sure as Hell wasn't gonna tangle with those mutts to find out.
As the dogs kept snarling, I stumbled off the porch. My steps weary and weak. I'd felt like I completed a marathon. And in many respects, I had. Only I wasn't competing for money or glory. I was competing for my life.
Wiping sweat off my brow, I scraped the dogshit off on the final porch step. Then I stopped on the front lawn. I could still hear the Goddamn Dobermans through the serene silence.
I looked up at the sky. Dawn was upon us. Soon, the sunlight would shatter through this cold November night.
Tired, I lifted my phone. At this point, my cell really did feel frozen to my flesh.
I began mashing 911 when I felt a quick whiz zoom right past me. I stopped, confused. Another gush of wind brushed by my ear. Like the force you feel when someone just misses punching you. Only this was much more dangerous... these were bullets.
Frightened, I turned. And off in the distance, I could see the outline of the car parked in another yard. The headlights were off, and the man stood right outside the door on the driver's side. Total stealth mode.
To my horror, I realized he wasn't pointing a flashlight at me either.
Another shot rang out, and this one did signal a race.
I took off like a frightened juvenile delinquent. Through all my neighbors' yards. I didn't care since most of these assholes weren't home anyway. They never were. Then it dawned on me that some of them were probably dead... just like Mr. Daniels.
All around me, the bullets just missed. Like I was the world's most evasive target. Thank God, this asshole wasn't a great shot...
Behind me, I heard the car's engine roar to life. The tires screeched into hyperdrive.
I got closer and closer to my house. Stumbling through all the shrubs and bushes, I could see it up ahead like a gorgeous mirage. My wife's most hated place had become my dream destination.
Another bullet made me duck. But I kept going. I'd gone out-of-breath at this point. All the exhaustion made me hot in the chilly weather. Sweat drenched my clothes like I'd run through a rainstorm.
Powering through, I continued on the journey through this seemingly-abandoned rich neighborhood. The houses may as well have been decoys. I didn't see a single light on, much less any of my "neighbors" out and about.
I noticed the headlights grow brighter behind me. I knew the car was just a few feet away.
A violent honk made me jump. And right when I sensed the car aligning with me, I leaped down into my neighbor's ugly bushes.
Above me, I saw a bullet blast a tree limb off one of my neighbor's oaks. Like a broken statue, the branch landed right by me, smashing into several pieces.
I laid there on my chest for what seemed an eternity. I covered my mouth to suppress my exhaustive breaths. For several intense seconds, I just stayed right there. But I never heard those tires skirting to come back. I saw no gleaming headlights. There was nothing.
I dialed 911. Something I should've done a longass time ago. That poor operator got an earful. I know I must've sounded like a delusional methhead. But the message was pretty fucking clear: SEND SOMEBODY TO RIVER ROAD, GODDAMMIT! SOMEBODY'S SHOOTING AT ME!
Cautious, I stood up. No one was around. Even the car was gone. Still paranoid, I ran into my yard.
Like I'd reached a finish line, I leaned against my garage wall. The garden hose alleviated my depleted energy. With this break from the battle, I finally had the time to brush all the dirt and debris off my clothes.
Faint sunshine was out by the time a cop car pulled in. Relieved, I staggered up to the vehicle. The cool wind made me pull my hoodie in a little closer.
I felt a wave of comfort just seeing the siren sitting on top of the car. Even more relief when I saw a logo I never thought I'd be overjoyed to see: Warwick Police Department.
Like a beaming schoolboy, I waved at the officer sitting inside.
As the car got closer, I noticed how large the headlights were. How loud its engine was.
The tires came to a screeching stop.
Unease struck me. In the daylight, what I saw before me was a regular squad car. But at night... this car was no different than the beast that had been hunting me down since 6 A.M.
Dread smashed into me with the ferocity of those missed bullets.
The door on the driver's side swung open. And out stepped a tall, skinny man. No longer in his blood-stained undershirt but an ironed police uniform.
His blue-eyed glare was unmistakable. As was that fucking trash stache.
Confident, he slammed the door right behind him. A smirk appeared on his face. "What seems to be the problem?" he quipped.
Frozen in horror, I watched him approach me. "I think one of my neighbors is hurt," I said in an uneasy tone.
The cop stopped right in front of me. "Oh." His hand grabbed his holster. "Is that so?"
"Yeah." Trembling, I pointed down the road. Toward the Daniels's house. "It's the brick house right down there."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the cop undo his holster.
"I think he needs an ambulance," I went on, doing my best to feign naive calmness. I'm a terrible actor...
The man gripped his firearm. "We'll take care of it," he told me with cold detachment.
"Hey, Tom!" a voice interrupted our staredown.
Both of us turned to see an older cop step out of the passenger's seat and lean against the door. He was pot-bellied with a weathered face. Definitely the elder of the partners.
"Let's go check it out," the older cop said. His commanding eyes looked over at me. "We'll let you know if we find anything."
I lost my voice for a moment. Both from nerves and the cold. "Than you," I finally forced out.
I felt "Tom"'s dagger of blue eyes stay on me. But I avoided eye contact. Even if I noticed his hand kept staying on that gun.
The older cop tapped on the door. "Come on, Tom! Let's go!"
But Tom wasn't ready to leave.
Finally, I turned and looked into his angry eyes. He was studying me like a scientist. Like he wanted to remember me for later.
I held my ground. But not in very convincing fashion. This fucker was well over six feet tall. And oh yeah, he was a cop. With a fucking gun.
Agitated, the older cop got between us. Literally. "Goddammit, Tom!" he grumbled.
Using all his might, the veteran policeman forced his partner back toward the car.
I couldn't hear much of their ensuing conversation. They kept whispering. And most of their chat featured the two of them flashing glances at me.
"We'll do it later," I thought I heard the older cop reassure Tom.
Awkward, I took a few steps back. I can't say I felt too safe out here in the cold.
The older guy shoved Tom back into the driver's seat. "Alright, let's go!" he hurled at the young cop.
Right before he got into the passenger's seat, the older man faced me. A stoic expression on his haggard face. "You'll hear from us later," he said. Not in obligatory-bullshit fashion either... this man was promising it.
Before I could even say anything, the two men were back in the squad car.
Through the windshield, I could see them arguing. I could see them turn their glares on me from time to time. And I knew they didn't care I saw them either.
After what felt like a tense decade, the cop car finally backed out my driveway and drove off toward Mr. Daniel's house.
All I knew was I wasn't sticking around. Panicking more than a cornered crook, I burst inside the house. I told Holly everything. With the aid of coffee, I tried to stay calm and focused. We're getting the fuck out of here! I stated.
We packed up our main shit and left the house in less than an hour. Before the Warwick Police Department could ever give me a neighborhood update.
I took us to my brother's house in Moultrie. At Holly's insistence, I had a moving van go get most of the rest of our other stuff. We were going to St. Simon's Island earlier than expected. But I knew it was worth it. Honestly, I think we had to.
Of course, I never what happened to Mr. Daniels. Just like I never knew what happened to that burial ground out on River Road either.
Less than a month later, I had my brother-in-law go out to our old home and check on it. He made his living as a horror writer... well, if you wanna call it "making a living." I think he just writes all day and posts on forums like this.
Anyway, not to my surprise, he told us our old house had been ransacked. The windows shattered, the front door busted in. He sounded more scared and surprised then I was. I was just relieved me, Holly, and Michael were nowhere near that place when Tom and his partner decided to come back...
I told Holly's brother not to worry about it. The realtors can handle that shit. I'm far away from that house now. Far away from that community.
Sure, St. Simon's Island is fucking cold for those morning jogs. But at least, I can still go running without fearing for my life. And this community is so vibrant and friendly! I suppose the rural seclusion was nice when I was younger and more adventurous... but when you raise a family, man, you just want safety. All I know is Holly's happy now. Her and Michael both.
By the way, if anyone's interested, our old house is still on the market. At an extreme discount, I might add. I'm basically giving it away at this point. The house is still a pretty place too. In a really pretty neighborhood. And from what I've seen, River Road also has quite the local police patrol.
submitted by rhonnie14 to DarkTales [link] [comments]


2018.11.28 18:50 rhonnie14 A Mysterious Car Hunted Me Down During My Morning Run

This was my last week living at Lake Blackshear, Georgia. My wife Holly had recently had our son, so rather than living out in the boondocks, I went ahead and bought us a cozy home on St. Simon's Island. We were moving Thursday, and she couldn't wait. For me though... well, there were some aspects of our house I was gonna miss.
For one thing, having the lake out back was glorious. Shit, I never even owned a boat or went swimming, but waking up to the sight of Blackshear felt exhilarating. A true snapshot of the serene beauty of rural Georgia.
And for living in such a wealthy neighborhood, no one ever bothered us. You see, most of the houses here were vacation homes. During the winter, River Road was basically a ghost town. Not to mention most of these houses had been abandoned since the Recession. I even had my realtor try to dupe me into buying another one, but I wasn't falling for that shit. Dr. Alan Brooks may have just been a jack-of-all trades/master-of-none at Albany Memorial Hospital, but bad investing wasn't one of them.
Overall, to say Holly and me were isolated would be an understatement. Lake Blackshear was like a haven for the wealthy and elderly. The closest "city" we had was Warwick which is one of the most notorious speed traps in the southeast. I guess they needed more than Stripling's sausages to support their local economy.
Of course, there were more reasons for the move than just family and location. My job was getting worse. Much worse. Nothing that I did was wrong, but the stress and drama was getting to me. My co-workers had turned the place into fucking Grey's Anatomy minus the show's warm jokes and sentimental side plots. Goddamn, Albany Memorial was a mess. At just forty-six, I'd felt like the last fifteen years of my life I'd aged in dog years. I had to get off this sinking ship and sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow was my last day of work there. My last day to report to our asylum-like emergency room. I was overcome with anticipation for the move. An excitement I hadn't felt since Holly had our son Michael. I felt rejuvenated. Such was the relief of having the burden that was the hospital lifted off my shoulders.
Yet here I was on my off-day. Up at 6 A.M. like a solder who'd never got over their morning routine. Dressed in my sweats and SuperJew hoodie, I was ready to get back in session with Mother Nature.
I always loved my morning runs. You can call it fun or healthy, but for me, it's therapeutic. Even on these frigid November mornings, there's nothing like finishing off a can of Monster before running out into the cold.
Bracing myself for the wind sweeping off the lake like spirits emerging from the water, I looked out a kitchen window. I had maybe an hour until daylight.
Reflective, I realized St. Simon's would only be fucking colder when I made my mark on their roads next week. But oh well. At least, there'd be people around me. At least, we'd be near a community. And near the beach. And most importantly, Holly would be happy. That's what mattered most.
Using my phone as a flashlight, I made my way out into the darkness. The cold breeze hit me like bullets fired by an opposing army. But I fought back and took off in a steady jog. Right down my driveway and onto River Road.
The neighborhood was usually dead and today (tonight?) was no different. There wasn't a car in sight. No lights on in any of the huge houses. With the stars still out, I felt like I was jogging through outer space. A sea of darkness.
Right now, it was just Alan and nature. And the cold. All while Big Country's "In A Big Country" played through my earbuds.
Soon, my shivering gave way to pumping adrenaline. Heavy breathing. I could even feel sweat in this forty-degree temperature.
The further I got down River Road, the houses began to morph into overgrown undeveloped properties. Properties that'd suffered deteriorating conditions and prices over the last ten years. No one was buying this shit...
I saw the cul-de-sac up ahead. Well, if you wanna call it that. A cul-de-sac as in the developers just said fuck it and abandoned River Road by no longer building the actual road. Like an incomplete section at the top of a skyscraper.
Beyond the dead end was just woods. A burgeoning forest complete with lakefront property that would likely never be settled. Basically, the perfect spot for Holly's dogs to piss and shit during our afternoon walks. I guess the realtors could always pitch it as a perk. Live on River Road and live adjacent to a park! ... More like live next to a fucking jungle.
Thinking it was time for a breather, I strolled up to the end of the cul-de-sac. I paused Billy Joel's "Big Shot." Panting like an exasperated dog, I breathed heavy. I could see my air escape my lips in constant bursts. Lowering my phone, I looked off at the woods. The can of Monster had caught up to me. Maybe I could imitate my dogs and go take a piss out in the woods myself...
I took a few steps into the collection of wet tall grass. Then I came to a nervous stop. About twenty feet away, down a dirt path, was a pair of lights. Tail lights that cut through the darkness like torches.
Uneasy, I yanked out my earbuds and turned off my phone's light. In the rural silence, I heard the steady hum of an engine. What would a fucking car be doing back here...
I looked all around me. I was all alone with nothing but derelict properties for company. But something was odd... it wasn't even dawn and someone besides the Brooks family was here on River Road.
Clinging to my cell, I approached the car with cautious steps. I could see the vehicle's headlights were facing to the right. Straight on at the majestic lake.
I was going so slow, the cold had returned with a vengeance. Trembling, I pulled my hoodie in tighter.
Right when I got ten feet away, a ferocious splash startled me.
I stopped and looked down toward the lake. Straining through the darkness, I could see outlines on the ground. Shapes. A man stood by the shoreline. A large flashlight lied on the ground next to him.
Focusing, I watched the tall man cry out as he threw something into the lake.
Another loud splash echoed through the forest. It sounded like the guy was tossing boulders into the water. Only they were too big to be boulders...
Like a factory worker, the man got to work lifting another one of these oblong objects. I saw there was one more left on the shore. A small stack that the man must've been working on all morning.
Holding the object, the man stepped closer toward the flashlight.
And then I saw what he was holding. A large white sheet. Ropes tied all around it. Like the man had kidnapped a ghost.
Maybe they were ghosts, I realized in horror. All those stains on the white cloth sure looked dark. Like splashes of red paint...
I felt my face go whiter than those sheets. In the cold, I struggled to keep myself from breaking down into a shivering mess. Covering my mouth, I tried to stifle my chattering teeth.
With ferocity, the man hurled this "bundle" into Lake Blackshear. The splashes sounded louder. And they were always followed by the man's gruff breathing.
The man let out another cry as he grabbed the final load.
This last one was the smallest. Yet another tied-up white sheet... this one with even more red stains than the others.
To my horror, I saw an unmistakable foot dangling out the bottom of that makeshift bodybag. A small Batman sneaker. Velcro for shoestrings. The shoe of a young child.
I couldn't be certain, but I thought I saw a substance constantly dripping off the shoe. A dark liquid... as a doctor, I've seen that color all off often. That tinge of dark red.
Growling, the man threw this lightest load straight into the lake. As if he were hurling a javelin.
This splash was the weakest yet. And with a sickening sensation in my gut, I knew a child would probably be the lightest of the bunch.
Horrified, I staggered back. I was fucking quiet until I tripped over an object hiding in the grass.
The hard ground greeted the back of my head. I shook off my dazed state. This up close and personal, I saw what I'd tripped over.
A human hand stuck out of the dirt like a morbid plant. The hand was pale and still. Completely dead. But judging by those scratches and cuts on its fingers, I knew it'd still been quite active when it was buried alive.
Ready to leap off the ground, my hands scurried back. Until I felt something sticky. Something wet.
Full of dread, I turned to see an abundance of fresh blood covering the grass like a red rain had fallen.
And like a variety of planted crops, there were more than just hands sticking up out of the ground. There were fingers, feet, even strands of bloodied blonde hair. Bits of flesh and bones were all strewn about in this... this fucking burial ground.
I moved my hand away and felt it hit another lodged object. I was hoping it was a rock. But that was delusional wishful thinking.
Instead, I made eye contact with a brown eyeball buried in the dirt. One that was forever wide open.
I let out a panicked cry. I couldn't hold my fear any longer. Not when I was this cold and terrified.
A beam of light brighter than the sun hit me.
"Hey!" I heard a nasty Southern accent growl.
Alarmed, I staggered to my feet and turned to see the man in all his frightening glory.
There he was less than fifteen feet away from me. Right next to what I presumed was his vehicle.
The man's flashlight illuminated his appearance for my eyes to see. He was close to my age. Piercing blue eyes. An executioner's scowl. A hollow face that could never be mistaken for warm and friendly.
His short curly hair must've been messy from his night's "work." A trash stache that'd have been hilarious in any other situation was now nothing more than a menacing attribute on this canvas of evil. The man's undershirt was covered in more red stains than those white sheets.
He stood lean and tall. And with that huge flashlight, he resembled an eerie caretaker holding a lantern.
"Get over here, Goddammit!" he barked at me, spit flying out of his mouth.
Nervous, I just stared at him. I was quiet. Dead still. Only the cold air seeping from my heavy breaths let me know I was still alive.
Glowering, the man marched toward me. "C'mere, you son-of-a-bitch!"
Like a gunshot to start a race, his first move was the only signal I'd need. I sprinted off for that dirt path. And thankfully, I avoided all the protruding skulls and hands along the way.
I heard the man give chase.
"Come back, Goddammit!" he yelled, his voice more brutal than a Pit Bull's growl.
But he couldn't catch me. Not a chance. I hauled ass down that path. And soon enough, both the man and his cries faded away into the dark wilderness.
Clutching my phone, I stepped foot onto the cul-de-sac. I'd never felt more relieved to be on this junk side of River Road. I glanced back real quick but saw nothing. No sign of the man. I slowed to a steady jog.
As I continued my trek past the overgrown "yards," I raised my phone to call the police.
But then like a roaring beast, I heard an engine erupt right behind me.
Terrified, I whirled around. The beast's beaming eyes blinded me. And those two large headlights were careening straight toward me. The tall man had given up on going after me by foot. Now he was hunting me by car.
Picking up speed, I ran as fast as I could. Like a heroic long distance runner. My adrenaline and fear melted all the cold I felt. My breath poured out in front of me like smoke coming from the engine that was my soul.
I could hear the car bellow through the quiet night. And it was only getting closer... like a manic crop duster swooping down upon me. North By Northwest on steroids. Only this was happening in reality. To me. In my own neighborhood.
Like an out-of-control winged monster, the car glided back-and-forth in both lanes. The headlights a crosshairs for the man.
Up ahead, I saw houses. All of them with their lights off.
The closest one was to my left. And through the darkness, I could see the Daniels's mailbox. At least, I thought that was their name... shit, Daniels or David, whatever the Hell their name was! If anyone else was home in this fucking neighborhood, it was them!
My heavy breathing intensified. My legs felt empty. At this rate, my sweat could freeze to me and I wouldn't feel it. Nothing but hope and caffeine kept me going.
With gusto, the car snarled and got even closer. I could feel its lights bearing down on me. But right before that monster of a vehicle could pounce, I jumped to the left.
I landed in the Daniels's/David's wet front lawn. Not the most graceful move, but hey, I was just thankful I hadn't landed on any blood or buried hands.
Exhausted, I looked up to see the car make a quick swerve. A maneuver I'd only ever seen in video games, but I'll be damned if the man didn't make it look effortless. Before I knew it, those irate headlight eyes zeroed in on me once more. In the cool November night, the vehicle resembled an oversized bat. One with a lust for blood.
"Shit," I muttered. Time to run.
As I heard the revving engine, I got on my feet and took off for the house's front door. I moved so fast I didn't even flinch when I stepped in a huge pile of dogshit. I was used to that anyway...
I could feel the headlights. I could hear the tires snarl. I could hear that motor heading right toward the driveway.
My knees wobbly, I climbed up the porch steps. "Open the door!" I yelled.
With desperate strength, I banged on that front door. My hands like hammers smashing into it. "Open the door! Please!" I begged. "It's Alan! Open the door!"
I heard nothing. Nothing at all. For that matter, I saw no more light in this staunch darkness.
Nervous, I turned. The car was gone. The son-of-a-bitch never came hurtling down that driveway. I was all alone.
Before my relief got carried away, a chorus of barks scared me back to reality. I looked over at a window and saw two Dobermans scratching at the glass. Their saliva flew all over the window like scattered rain. Their eyes glowering at me with the same vile hatred of the tall man.
I thought maybe my luck had started to change. Maybe the Daniels or whoever they were might still be home after all.
Cautious, I leaned in a little closer toward the window. Then my heart sank further than my hopes.
There wasn't just dogs in the family's entryway. Mr. Daniels himself was sprawled out on the floor. A huge bullet in his head. His bloodied gray matter exposed for all the world to see. His blue bathrobe brandished in redness.
I could even see where his own dogs had gotten to him. Chunks of Mr. Daniels's head had been ripped out by the Dobermans' hungry fangs. His pool of blood a grisly substitute for their empty water bowls.
I couldn't help but wonder where the rest of his family was? But honestly, I didn't wanna know. Not now... and I sure as Hell wasn't gonna tangle with those mutts to find out.
As the dogs kept snarling, I stumbled off the porch. My steps weary and weak. I'd felt like I completed a marathon. And in many respects, I had. Only I wasn't competing for money or glory. I was competing for my life.
Wiping sweat off my brow, I scraped the dogshit off on the final porch step. Then I stopped on the front lawn. I could still hear the Goddamn Dobermans through the serene silence.
I looked up at the sky. Dawn was upon us. Soon, the sunlight would shatter through this cold November night.
Tired, I lifted my phone. At this point, my cell really did feel frozen to my flesh.
I began mashing 911 when I felt a quick whiz zoom right past me. I stopped, confused. Another gush of wind brushed by my ear. Like the force you feel when someone just misses punching you. Only this was much more dangerous... these were bullets.
Frightened, I turned. And off in the distance, I could see the outline of the car parked in another yard. The headlights were off, and the man stood right outside the door on the driver's side. Total stealth mode.
To my horror, I realized he wasn't pointing a flashlight at me either.
Another shot rang out, and this one did signal a race.
I took off like a frightened juvenile delinquent. Through all my neighbors' yards. I didn't care since most of these assholes weren't home anyway. They never were. Then it dawned on me that some of them were probably dead... just like Mr. Daniels.
All around me, the bullets just missed. Like I was the world's most evasive target. Thank God, this asshole wasn't a great shot...
Behind me, I heard the car's engine roar to life. The tires screeched into hyperdrive.
I got closer and closer to my house. Stumbling through all the shrubs and bushes, I could see it up ahead like a gorgeous mirage. My wife's most hated place had become my dream destination.
Another bullet made me duck. But I kept going. I'd gone out-of-breath at this point. All the exhaustion made me hot in the chilly weather. Sweat drenched my clothes like I'd run through a rainstorm.
Powering through, I continued on the journey through this seemingly-abandoned rich neighborhood. The houses may as well have been decoys. I didn't see a single light on, much less any of my "neighbors" out and about.
I noticed the headlights grow brighter behind me. I knew the car was just a few feet away.
A violent honk made me jump. And right when I sensed the car aligning with me, I leaped down into my neighbor's ugly bushes.
Above me, I saw a bullet blast a tree limb off one of my neighbor's oaks. Like a broken statue, the branch landed right by me, smashing into several pieces.
I laid there on my chest for what seemed an eternity. I covered my mouth to suppress my exhaustive breaths. For several intense seconds, I just stayed right there. But I never heard those tires skirting to come back. I saw no gleaming headlights. There was nothing.
I dialed 911. Something I should've done a longass time ago. That poor operator got an earful. I know I must've sounded like a delusional methhead. But the message was pretty fucking clear: SEND SOMEBODY TO RIVER ROAD, GODDAMMIT! SOMEBODY'S SHOOTING AT ME!
Cautious, I stood up. No one was around. Even the car was gone. Still paranoid, I ran into my yard.
Like I'd reached a finish line, I leaned against my garage wall. The garden hose alleviated my depleted energy. With this break from the battle, I finally had the time to brush all the dirt and debris off my clothes.
Faint sunshine was out by the time a cop car pulled in. Relieved, I staggered up to the vehicle. The cool wind made me pull my hoodie in a little closer.
I felt a wave of comfort just seeing the siren sitting on top of the car. Even more relief when I saw a logo I never thought I'd be overjoyed to see: Warwick Police Department.
Like a beaming schoolboy, I waved at the officer sitting inside.
As the car got closer, I noticed how large the headlights were. How loud its engine was.
The tires came to a screeching stop.
Unease struck me. In the daylight, what I saw before me was a regular squad car. But at night... this car was no different than the beast that had been hunting me down since 6 A.M.
Dread smashed into me with the ferocity of those missed bullets.
The door on the driver's side swung open. And out stepped a tall, skinny man. No longer in his blood-stained undershirt but an ironed police uniform.
His blue-eyed glare was unmistakable. As was that fucking trash stache.
Confident, he slammed the door right behind him. A smirk appeared on his face. "What seems to be the problem?" he quipped.
Frozen in horror, I watched him approach me. "I think one of my neighbors is hurt," I said in an uneasy tone.
The cop stopped right in front of me. "Oh." His hand grabbed his holster. "Is that so?"
"Yeah." Trembling, I pointed down the road. Toward the Daniels's house. "It's the brick house right down there."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the cop undo his holster.
"I think he needs an ambulance," I went on, doing my best to feign naive calmness. I'm a terrible actor...
The man gripped his firearm. "We'll take care of it," he told me with cold detachment.
"Hey, Tom!" a voice interrupted our staredown.
Both of us turned to see an older cop step out of the passenger's seat and lean against the door. He was pot-bellied with a weathered face. Definitely the elder of the partners.
"Let's go check it out," the older cop said. His commanding eyes looked over at me. "We'll let you know if we find anything."
I lost my voice for a moment. Both from nerves and the cold. "Than you," I finally forced out.
I felt "Tom"'s dagger of blue eyes stay on me. But I avoided eye contact. Even if I noticed his hand kept staying on that gun.
The older cop tapped on the door. "Come on, Tom! Let's go!"
But Tom wasn't ready to leave.
Finally, I turned and looked into his angry eyes. He was studying me like a scientist. Like he wanted to remember me for later.
I held my ground. But not in very convincing fashion. This fucker was well over six feet tall. And oh yeah, he was a cop. With a fucking gun.
Agitated, the older cop got between us. Literally. "Goddammit, Tom!" he grumbled.
Using all his might, the veteran policeman forced his partner back toward the car.
I couldn't hear much of their ensuing conversation. They kept whispering. And most of their chat featured the two of them flashing glances at me.
"We'll do it later," I thought I heard the older cop reassure Tom.
Awkward, I took a few steps back. I can't say I felt too safe out here in the cold.
The older guy shoved Tom back into the driver's seat. "Alright, let's go!" he hurled at the young cop.
Right before he got into the passenger's seat, the older man faced me. A stoic expression on his haggard face. "You'll hear from us later," he said. Not in obligatory-bullshit fashion either... this man was promising it.
Before I could even say anything, the two men were back in the squad car.
Through the windshield, I could see them arguing. I could see them turn their glares on me from time to time. And I knew they didn't care I saw them either.
After what felt like a tense decade, the cop car finally backed out my driveway and drove off toward Mr. Daniel's house.
All I knew was I wasn't sticking around. Panicking more than a cornered crook, I burst inside the house. I told Holly everything. With the aid of coffee, I tried to stay calm and focused. We're getting the fuck out of here! I stated.
We packed up our main shit and left the house in less than an hour. Before the Warwick Police Department could ever give me a neighborhood update.
I took us to my brother's house in Moultrie. At Holly's insistence, I had a moving van go get most of the rest of our other stuff. We were going to St. Simon's Island earlier than expected. But I knew it was worth it. Honestly, I think we had to.
Of course, I never what happened to Mr. Daniels. Just like I never knew what happened to that burial ground out on River Road either.
Less than a month later, I had my brother-in-law go out to our old home and check on it. He made his living as a horror writer... well, if you wanna call it "making a living." I think he just writes all day and posts on forums like this.
Anyway, not to my surprise, he told us our old house had been ransacked. The windows shattered, the front door busted in. He sounded more scared and surprised then I was. I was just relieved me, Holly, and Michael were nowhere near that place when Tom and his partner decided to come back...
I told Holly's brother not to worry about it. The realtors can handle that shit. I'm far away from that house now. Far away from that community.
Sure, St. Simon's Island is fucking cold for those morning jogs. But at least, I can still go running without fearing for my life. And this community is so vibrant and friendly! I suppose the rural seclusion was nice when I was younger and more adventurous... but when you raise a family, man, you just want safety. All I know is Holly's happy now. Her and Michael both.
By the way, if anyone's interested, our old house is still on the market. At an extreme discount, I might add. I'm basically giving it away at this point. The house is still a pretty place too. In a really pretty neighborhood. And from what I've seen, River Road also has quite the local police patrol.
submitted by rhonnie14 to foulweather [link] [comments]


2018.11.28 18:49 rhonnie14 A Mysterious Car Hunted Me Down During My Morning Run

This was my last week living at Lake Blackshear, Georgia. My wife Holly had recently had our son, so rather than living out in the boondocks, I went ahead and bought us a cozy home on St. Simon's Island. We were moving Thursday, and she couldn't wait. For me though... well, there were some aspects of our house I was gonna miss.
For one thing, having the lake out back was glorious. Shit, I never even owned a boat or went swimming, but waking up to the sight of Blackshear felt exhilarating. A true snapshot of the serene beauty of rural Georgia.
And for living in such a wealthy neighborhood, no one ever bothered us. You see, most of the houses here were vacation homes. During the winter, River Road was basically a ghost town. Not to mention most of these houses had been abandoned since the Recession. I even had my realtor try to dupe me into buying another one, but I wasn't falling for that shit. Dr. Alan Brooks may have just been a jack-of-all trades/master-of-none at Albany Memorial Hospital, but bad investing wasn't one of them.
Overall, to say Holly and me were isolated would be an understatement. Lake Blackshear was like a haven for the wealthy and elderly. The closest "city" we had was Warwick which is one of the most notorious speed traps in the southeast. I guess they needed more than Stripling's sausages to support their local economy.
Of course, there were more reasons for the move than just family and location. My job was getting worse. Much worse. Nothing that I did was wrong, but the stress and drama was getting to me. My co-workers had turned the place into fucking Grey's Anatomy minus the show's warm jokes and sentimental side plots. Goddamn, Albany Memorial was a mess. At just forty-six, I'd felt like the last fifteen years of my life I'd aged in dog years. I had to get off this sinking ship and sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow was my last day of work there. My last day to report to our asylum-like emergency room. I was overcome with anticipation for the move. An excitement I hadn't felt since Holly had our son Michael. I felt rejuvenated. Such was the relief of having the burden that was the hospital lifted off my shoulders.
Yet here I was on my off-day. Up at 6 A.M. like a solder who'd never got over their morning routine. Dressed in my sweats and SuperJew hoodie, I was ready to get back in session with Mother Nature.
I always loved my morning runs. You can call it fun or healthy, but for me, it's therapeutic. Even on these frigid November mornings, there's nothing like finishing off a can of Monster before running out into the cold.
Bracing myself for the wind sweeping off the lake like spirits emerging from the water, I looked out a kitchen window. I had maybe an hour until daylight.
Reflective, I realized St. Simon's would only be fucking colder when I made my mark on their roads next week. But oh well. At least, there'd be people around me. At least, we'd be near a community. And near the beach. And most importantly, Holly would be happy. That's what mattered most.
Using my phone as a flashlight, I made my way out into the darkness. The cold breeze hit me like bullets fired by an opposing army. But I fought back and took off in a steady jog. Right down my driveway and onto River Road.
The neighborhood was usually dead and today (tonight?) was no different. There wasn't a car in sight. No lights on in any of the huge houses. With the stars still out, I felt like I was jogging through outer space. A sea of darkness.
Right now, it was just Alan and nature. And the cold. All while Big Country's "In A Big Country" played through my earbuds.
Soon, my shivering gave way to pumping adrenaline. Heavy breathing. I could even feel sweat in this forty-degree temperature.
The further I got down River Road, the houses began to morph into overgrown undeveloped properties. Properties that'd suffered deteriorating conditions and prices over the last ten years. No one was buying this shit...
I saw the cul-de-sac up ahead. Well, if you wanna call it that. A cul-de-sac as in the developers just said fuck it and abandoned River Road by no longer building the actual road. Like an incomplete section at the top of a skyscraper.
Beyond the dead end was just woods. A burgeoning forest complete with lakefront property that would likely never be settled. Basically, the perfect spot for Holly's dogs to piss and shit during our afternoon walks. I guess the realtors could always pitch it as a perk. Live on River Road and live adjacent to a park! ... More like live next to a fucking jungle.
Thinking it was time for a breather, I strolled up to the end of the cul-de-sac. I paused Billy Joel's "Big Shot." Panting like an exasperated dog, I breathed heavy. I could see my air escape my lips in constant bursts. Lowering my phone, I looked off at the woods. The can of Monster had caught up to me. Maybe I could imitate my dogs and go take a piss out in the woods myself...
I took a few steps into the collection of wet tall grass. Then I came to a nervous stop. About twenty feet away, down a dirt path, was a pair of lights. Tail lights that cut through the darkness like torches.
Uneasy, I yanked out my earbuds and turned off my phone's light. In the rural silence, I heard the steady hum of an engine. What would a fucking car be doing back here...
I looked all around me. I was all alone with nothing but derelict properties for company. But something was odd... it wasn't even dawn and someone besides the Brooks family was here on River Road.
Clinging to my cell, I approached the car with cautious steps. I could see the vehicle's headlights were facing to the right. Straight on at the majestic lake.
I was going so slow, the cold had returned with a vengeance. Trembling, I pulled my hoodie in tighter.
Right when I got ten feet away, a ferocious splash startled me.
I stopped and looked down toward the lake. Straining through the darkness, I could see outlines on the ground. Shapes. A man stood by the shoreline. A large flashlight lied on the ground next to him.
Focusing, I watched the tall man cry out as he threw something into the lake.
Another loud splash echoed through the forest. It sounded like the guy was tossing boulders into the water. Only they were too big to be boulders...
Like a factory worker, the man got to work lifting another one of these oblong objects. I saw there was one more left on the shore. A small stack that the man must've been working on all morning.
Holding the object, the man stepped closer toward the flashlight.
And then I saw what he was holding. A large white sheet. Ropes tied all around it. Like the man had kidnapped a ghost.
Maybe they were ghosts, I realized in horror. All those stains on the white cloth sure looked dark. Like splashes of red paint...
I felt my face go whiter than those sheets. In the cold, I struggled to keep myself from breaking down into a shivering mess. Covering my mouth, I tried to stifle my chattering teeth.
With ferocity, the man hurled this "bundle" into Lake Blackshear. The splashes sounded louder. And they were always followed by the man's gruff breathing.
The man let out another cry as he grabbed the final load.
This last one was the smallest. Yet another tied-up white sheet... this one with even more red stains than the others.
To my horror, I saw an unmistakable foot dangling out the bottom of that makeshift bodybag. A small Batman sneaker. Velcro for shoestrings. The shoe of a young child.
I couldn't be certain, but I thought I saw a substance constantly dripping off the shoe. A dark liquid... as a doctor, I've seen that color all off often. That tinge of dark red.
Growling, the man threw this lightest load straight into the lake. As if he were hurling a javelin.
This splash was the weakest yet. And with a sickening sensation in my gut, I knew a child would probably be the lightest of the bunch.
Horrified, I staggered back. I was fucking quiet until I tripped over an object hiding in the grass.
The hard ground greeted the back of my head. I shook off my dazed state. This up close and personal, I saw what I'd tripped over.
A human hand stuck out of the dirt like a morbid plant. The hand was pale and still. Completely dead. But judging by those scratches and cuts on its fingers, I knew it'd still been quite active when it was buried alive.
Ready to leap off the ground, my hands scurried back. Until I felt something sticky. Something wet.
Full of dread, I turned to see an abundance of fresh blood covering the grass like a red rain had fallen.
And like a variety of planted crops, there were more than just hands sticking up out of the ground. There were fingers, feet, even strands of bloodied blonde hair. Bits of flesh and bones were all strewn about in this... this fucking burial ground.
I moved my hand away and felt it hit another lodged object. I was hoping it was a rock. But that was delusional wishful thinking.
Instead, I made eye contact with a brown eyeball buried in the dirt. One that was forever wide open.
I let out a panicked cry. I couldn't hold my fear any longer. Not when I was this cold and terrified.
A beam of light brighter than the sun hit me.
"Hey!" I heard a nasty Southern accent growl.
Alarmed, I staggered to my feet and turned to see the man in all his frightening glory.
There he was less than fifteen feet away from me. Right next to what I presumed was his vehicle.
The man's flashlight illuminated his appearance for my eyes to see. He was close to my age. Piercing blue eyes. An executioner's scowl. A hollow face that could never be mistaken for warm and friendly.
His short curly hair must've been messy from his night's "work." A trash stache that'd have been hilarious in any other situation was now nothing more than a menacing attribute on this canvas of evil. The man's undershirt was covered in more red stains than those white sheets.
He stood lean and tall. And with that huge flashlight, he resembled an eerie caretaker holding a lantern.
"Get over here, Goddammit!" he barked at me, spit flying out of his mouth.
Nervous, I just stared at him. I was quiet. Dead still. Only the cold air seeping from my heavy breaths let me know I was still alive.
Glowering, the man marched toward me. "C'mere, you son-of-a-bitch!"
Like a gunshot to start a race, his first move was the only signal I'd need. I sprinted off for that dirt path. And thankfully, I avoided all the protruding skulls and hands along the way.
I heard the man give chase.
"Come back, Goddammit!" he yelled, his voice more brutal than a Pit Bull's growl.
But he couldn't catch me. Not a chance. I hauled ass down that path. And soon enough, both the man and his cries faded away into the dark wilderness.
Clutching my phone, I stepped foot onto the cul-de-sac. I'd never felt more relieved to be on this junk side of River Road. I glanced back real quick but saw nothing. No sign of the man. I slowed to a steady jog.
As I continued my trek past the overgrown "yards," I raised my phone to call the police.
But then like a roaring beast, I heard an engine erupt right behind me.
Terrified, I whirled around. The beast's beaming eyes blinded me. And those two large headlights were careening straight toward me. The tall man had given up on going after me by foot. Now he was hunting me by car.
Picking up speed, I ran as fast as I could. Like a heroic long distance runner. My adrenaline and fear melted all the cold I felt. My breath poured out in front of me like smoke coming from the engine that was my soul.
I could hear the car bellow through the quiet night. And it was only getting closer... like a manic crop duster swooping down upon me. North By Northwest on steroids. Only this was happening in reality. To me. In my own neighborhood.
Like an out-of-control winged monster, the car glided back-and-forth in both lanes. The headlights a crosshairs for the man.
Up ahead, I saw houses. All of them with their lights off.
The closest one was to my left. And through the darkness, I could see the Daniels's mailbox. At least, I thought that was their name... shit, Daniels or David, whatever the Hell their name was! If anyone else was home in this fucking neighborhood, it was them!
My heavy breathing intensified. My legs felt empty. At this rate, my sweat could freeze to me and I wouldn't feel it. Nothing but hope and caffeine kept me going.
With gusto, the car snarled and got even closer. I could feel its lights bearing down on me. But right before that monster of a vehicle could pounce, I jumped to the left.
I landed in the Daniels's/David's wet front lawn. Not the most graceful move, but hey, I was just thankful I hadn't landed on any blood or buried hands.
Exhausted, I looked up to see the car make a quick swerve. A maneuver I'd only ever seen in video games, but I'll be damned if the man didn't make it look effortless. Before I knew it, those irate headlight eyes zeroed in on me once more. In the cool November night, the vehicle resembled an oversized bat. One with a lust for blood.
"Shit," I muttered. Time to run.
As I heard the revving engine, I got on my feet and took off for the house's front door. I moved so fast I didn't even flinch when I stepped in a huge pile of dogshit. I was used to that anyway...
I could feel the headlights. I could hear the tires snarl. I could hear that motor heading right toward the driveway.
My knees wobbly, I climbed up the porch steps. "Open the door!" I yelled.
With desperate strength, I banged on that front door. My hands like hammers smashing into it. "Open the door! Please!" I begged. "It's Alan! Open the door!"
I heard nothing. Nothing at all. For that matter, I saw no more light in this staunch darkness.
Nervous, I turned. The car was gone. The son-of-a-bitch never came hurtling down that driveway. I was all alone.
Before my relief got carried away, a chorus of barks scared me back to reality. I looked over at a window and saw two Dobermans scratching at the glass. Their saliva flew all over the window like scattered rain. Their eyes glowering at me with the same vile hatred of the tall man.
I thought maybe my luck had started to change. Maybe the Daniels or whoever they were might still be home after all.
Cautious, I leaned in a little closer toward the window. Then my heart sank further than my hopes.
There wasn't just dogs in the family's entryway. Mr. Daniels himself was sprawled out on the floor. A huge bullet in his head. His bloodied gray matter exposed for all the world to see. His blue bathrobe brandished in redness.
I could even see where his own dogs had gotten to him. Chunks of Mr. Daniels's head had been ripped out by the Dobermans' hungry fangs. His pool of blood a grisly substitute for their empty water bowls.
I couldn't help but wonder where the rest of his family was? But honestly, I didn't wanna know. Not now... and I sure as Hell wasn't gonna tangle with those mutts to find out.
As the dogs kept snarling, I stumbled off the porch. My steps weary and weak. I'd felt like I completed a marathon. And in many respects, I had. Only I wasn't competing for money or glory. I was competing for my life.
Wiping sweat off my brow, I scraped the dogshit off on the final porch step. Then I stopped on the front lawn. I could still hear the Goddamn Dobermans through the serene silence.
I looked up at the sky. Dawn was upon us. Soon, the sunlight would shatter through this cold November night.
Tired, I lifted my phone. At this point, my cell really did feel frozen to my flesh.
I began mashing 911 when I felt a quick whiz zoom right past me. I stopped, confused. Another gush of wind brushed by my ear. Like the force you feel when someone just misses punching you. Only this was much more dangerous... these were bullets.
Frightened, I turned. And off in the distance, I could see the outline of the car parked in another yard. The headlights were off, and the man stood right outside the door on the driver's side. Total stealth mode.
To my horror, I realized he wasn't pointing a flashlight at me either.
Another shot rang out, and this one did signal a race.
I took off like a frightened juvenile delinquent. Through all my neighbors' yards. I didn't care since most of these assholes weren't home anyway. They never were. Then it dawned on me that some of them were probably dead... just like Mr. Daniels.
All around me, the bullets just missed. Like I was the world's most evasive target. Thank God, this asshole wasn't a great shot...
Behind me, I heard the car's engine roar to life. The tires screeched into hyperdrive.
I got closer and closer to my house. Stumbling through all the shrubs and bushes, I could see it up ahead like a gorgeous mirage. My wife's most hated place had become my dream destination.
Another bullet made me duck. But I kept going. I'd gone out-of-breath at this point. All the exhaustion made me hot in the chilly weather. Sweat drenched my clothes like I'd run through a rainstorm.
Powering through, I continued on the journey through this seemingly-abandoned rich neighborhood. The houses may as well have been decoys. I didn't see a single light on, much less any of my "neighbors" out and about.
I noticed the headlights grow brighter behind me. I knew the car was just a few feet away.
A violent honk made me jump. And right when I sensed the car aligning with me, I leaped down into my neighbor's ugly bushes.
Above me, I saw a bullet blast a tree limb off one of my neighbor's oaks. Like a broken statue, the branch landed right by me, smashing into several pieces.
I laid there on my chest for what seemed an eternity. I covered my mouth to suppress my exhaustive breaths. For several intense seconds, I just stayed right there. But I never heard those tires skirting to come back. I saw no gleaming headlights. There was nothing.
I dialed 911. Something I should've done a longass time ago. That poor operator got an earful. I know I must've sounded like a delusional methhead. But the message was pretty fucking clear: SEND SOMEBODY TO RIVER ROAD, GODDAMMIT! SOMEBODY'S SHOOTING AT ME!
Cautious, I stood up. No one was around. Even the car was gone. Still paranoid, I ran into my yard.
Like I'd reached a finish line, I leaned against my garage wall. The garden hose alleviated my depleted energy. With this break from the battle, I finally had the time to brush all the dirt and debris off my clothes.
Faint sunshine was out by the time a cop car pulled in. Relieved, I staggered up to the vehicle. The cool wind made me pull my hoodie in a little closer.
I felt a wave of comfort just seeing the siren sitting on top of the car. Even more relief when I saw a logo I never thought I'd be overjoyed to see: Warwick Police Department.
Like a beaming schoolboy, I waved at the officer sitting inside.
As the car got closer, I noticed how large the headlights were. How loud its engine was.
The tires came to a screeching stop.
Unease struck me. In the daylight, what I saw before me was a regular squad car. But at night... this car was no different than the beast that had been hunting me down since 6 A.M.
Dread smashed into me with the ferocity of those missed bullets.
The door on the driver's side swung open. And out stepped a tall, skinny man. No longer in his blood-stained undershirt but an ironed police uniform.
His blue-eyed glare was unmistakable. As was that fucking trash stache.
Confident, he slammed the door right behind him. A smirk appeared on his face. "What seems to be the problem?" he quipped.
Frozen in horror, I watched him approach me. "I think one of my neighbors is hurt," I said in an uneasy tone.
The cop stopped right in front of me. "Oh." His hand grabbed his holster. "Is that so?"
"Yeah." Trembling, I pointed down the road. Toward the Daniels's house. "It's the brick house right down there."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the cop undo his holster.
"I think he needs an ambulance," I went on, doing my best to feign naive calmness. I'm a terrible actor...
The man gripped his firearm. "We'll take care of it," he told me with cold detachment.
"Hey, Tom!" a voice interrupted our staredown.
Both of us turned to see an older cop step out of the passenger's seat and lean against the door. He was pot-bellied with a weathered face. Definitely the elder of the partners.
"Let's go check it out," the older cop said. His commanding eyes looked over at me. "We'll let you know if we find anything."
I lost my voice for a moment. Both from nerves and the cold. "Than you," I finally forced out.
I felt "Tom"'s dagger of blue eyes stay on me. But I avoided eye contact. Even if I noticed his hand kept staying on that gun.
The older cop tapped on the door. "Come on, Tom! Let's go!"
But Tom wasn't ready to leave.
Finally, I turned and looked into his angry eyes. He was studying me like a scientist. Like he wanted to remember me for later.
I held my ground. But not in very convincing fashion. This fucker was well over six feet tall. And oh yeah, he was a cop. With a fucking gun.
Agitated, the older cop got between us. Literally. "Goddammit, Tom!" he grumbled.
Using all his might, the veteran policeman forced his partner back toward the car.
I couldn't hear much of their ensuing conversation. They kept whispering. And most of their chat featured the two of them flashing glances at me.
"We'll do it later," I thought I heard the older cop reassure Tom.
Awkward, I took a few steps back. I can't say I felt too safe out here in the cold.
The older guy shoved Tom back into the driver's seat. "Alright, let's go!" he hurled at the young cop.
Right before he got into the passenger's seat, the older man faced me. A stoic expression on his haggard face. "You'll hear from us later," he said. Not in obligatory-bullshit fashion either... this man was promising it.
Before I could even say anything, the two men were back in the squad car.
Through the windshield, I could see them arguing. I could see them turn their glares on me from time to time. And I knew they didn't care I saw them either.
After what felt like a tense decade, the cop car finally backed out my driveway and drove off toward Mr. Daniel's house.
All I knew was I wasn't sticking around. Panicking more than a cornered crook, I burst inside the house. I told Holly everything. With the aid of coffee, I tried to stay calm and focused. We're getting the fuck out of here! I stated.
We packed up our main shit and left the house in less than an hour. Before the Warwick Police Department could ever give me a neighborhood update.
I took us to my brother's house in Moultrie. At Holly's insistence, I had a moving van go get most of the rest of our other stuff. We were going to St. Simon's Island earlier than expected. But I knew it was worth it. Honestly, I think we had to.
Of course, I never what happened to Mr. Daniels. Just like I never knew what happened to that burial ground out on River Road either.
Less than a month later, I had my brother-in-law go out to our old home and check on it. He made his living as a horror writer... well, if you wanna call it "making a living." I think he just writes all day and posts on forums like this.
Anyway, not to my surprise, he told us our old house had been ransacked. The windows shattered, the front door busted in. He sounded more scared and surprised then I was. I was just relieved me, Holly, and Michael were nowhere near that place when Tom and his partner decided to come back...
I told Holly's brother not to worry about it. The realtors can handle that shit. I'm far away from that house now. Far away from that community.
Sure, St. Simon's Island is fucking cold for those morning jogs. But at least, I can still go running without fearing for my life. And this community is so vibrant and friendly! I suppose the rural seclusion was nice when I was younger and more adventurous... but when you raise a family, man, you just want safety. All I know is Holly's happy now. Her and Michael both.
By the way, if anyone's interested, our old house is still on the market. At an extreme discount, I might add. I'm basically giving it away at this point. The house is still a pretty place too. In a really pretty neighborhood. And from what I've seen, River Road also has quite the local police patrol.
submitted by rhonnie14 to creepypasta [link] [comments]


2018.11.28 09:49 rhonnie14 A Mysterious Car Hunted Me Down During My Morning Run

This was my last week living at Lake Blackshear, Georgia. My wife Holly had recently had our son, so rather than living out in the boondocks, I went ahead and bought us a cozy home on St. Simon's Island. We were moving Thursday, and she couldn't wait. For me though... well, there were some aspects of our house I was gonna miss.
For one thing, having the lake out back was glorious. Shit, I never even owned a boat or went swimming, but waking up to the sight of Blackshear felt exhilarating. A true snapshot of the serene beauty of rural Georgia.
And for living in such a wealthy neighborhood, no one ever bothered us. You see, most of the houses here were vacation homes. During the winter, River Road was basically a ghost town. Not to mention most of these houses had been abandoned since the Recession. I even had my realtor try to dupe me into buying another one, but I wasn't falling for that shit. Dr. Alan Brooks may have just been a jack-of-all trades/master-of-none at Albany Memorial Hospital, but bad investing wasn't one of them.
Overall, to say Holly and me were isolated would be an understatement. Lake Blackshear was like a haven for the wealthy and elderly. The closest "city" we had was Warwick which is one of the most notorious speed traps in the southeast. I guess they needed more than Stripling's sausages to support their local economy.
Of course, there were more reasons for the move than just family and location. My job was getting worse. Much worse. Nothing that I did was wrong, but the stress and drama was getting to me. My co-workers had turned the place into fucking Grey's Anatomy minus the show's warm jokes and sentimental side plots. Goddamn, Albany Memorial was a mess. At just forty-six, I'd felt like the last fifteen years of my life I'd aged in dog years. I had to get off this sinking ship and sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow was my last day of work there. My last day to report to our asylum-like emergency room. I was overcome with anticipation for the move. An excitement I hadn't felt since Holly had our son Michael. I felt rejuvenated. Such was the relief of having the burden that was the hospital lifted off my shoulders.
Yet here I was on my off-day. Up at 6 A.M. like a solder who'd never got over their morning routine. Dressed in my sweats and SuperJew hoodie, I was ready to get back in session with Mother Nature.
I always loved my morning runs. You can call it fun or healthy, but for me, it's therapeutic. Even on these frigid November mornings, there's nothing like finishing off a can of Monster before running out into the cold.
Bracing myself for the wind sweeping off the lake like spirits emerging from the water, I looked out a kitchen window. I had maybe an hour until daylight.
Reflective, I realized St. Simon's would only be fucking colder when I made my mark on their roads next week. But oh well. At least, there'd be people around me. At least, we'd be near a community. And near the beach. And most importantly, Holly would be happy. That's what mattered most.
Using my phone as a flashlight, I made my way out into the darkness. The cold breeze hit me like bullets fired by an opposing army. But I fought back and took off in a steady jog. Right down my driveway and onto River Road.
The neighborhood was usually dead and today (tonight?) was no different. There wasn't a car in sight. No lights on in any of the huge houses. With the stars still out, I felt like I was jogging through outer space. A sea of darkness.
Right now, it was just Alan and nature. And the cold. All while Big Country's "In A Big Country" played through my earbuds.
Soon, my shivering gave way to pumping adrenaline. Heavy breathing. I could even feel sweat in this forty-degree temperature.
The further I got down River Road, the houses began to morph into overgrown undeveloped properties. Properties that'd suffered deteriorating conditions and prices over the last ten years. No one was buying this shit...
I saw the cul-de-sac up ahead. Well, if you wanna call it that. A cul-de-sac as in the developers just said fuck it and abandoned River Road by no longer building the actual road. Like an incomplete section at the top of a skyscraper.
Beyond the dead end was just woods. A burgeoning forest complete with lakefront property that would likely never be settled. Basically, the perfect spot for Holly's dogs to piss and shit during our afternoon walks. I guess the realtors could always pitch it as a perk. Live on River Road and live adjacent to a park! ... More like live next to a fucking jungle.
Thinking it was time for a breather, I strolled up to the end of the cul-de-sac. I paused Billy Joel's "Big Shot." Panting like an exasperated dog, I breathed heavy. I could see my air escape my lips in constant bursts. Lowering my phone, I looked off at the woods. The can of Monster had caught up to me. Maybe I could imitate my dogs and go take a piss out in the woods myself...
I took a few steps into the collection of wet tall grass. Then I came to a nervous stop. About twenty feet away, down a dirt path, was a pair of lights. Tail lights that cut through the darkness like torches.
Uneasy, I yanked out my earbuds and turned off my phone's light. In the rural silence, I heard the steady hum of an engine. What would a fucking car be doing back here...
I looked all around me. I was all alone with nothing but derelict properties for company. But something was odd... it wasn't even dawn and someone besides the Brooks family was here on River Road.
Clinging to my cell, I approached the car with cautious steps. I could see the vehicle's headlights were facing to the right. Straight on at the majestic lake.
I was going so slow, the cold had returned with a vengeance. Trembling, I pulled my hoodie in tighter.
Right when I got ten feet away, a ferocious splash startled me.
I stopped and looked down toward the lake. Straining through the darkness, I could see outlines on the ground. Shapes. A man stood by the shoreline. A large flashlight lied on the ground next to him.
Focusing, I watched the tall man cry out as he threw something into the lake.
Another loud splash echoed through the forest. It sounded like the guy was tossing boulders into the water. Only they were too big to be boulders...
Like a factory worker, the man got to work lifting another one of these oblong objects. I saw there was one more left on the shore. A small stack that the man must've been working on all morning.
Holding the object, the man stepped closer toward the flashlight.
And then I saw what he was holding. A large white sheet. Ropes tied all around it. Like the man had kidnapped a ghost.
Maybe they were ghosts, I realized in horror. All those stains on the white cloth sure looked dark. Like splashes of red paint...
I felt my face go whiter than those sheets. In the cold, I struggled to keep myself from breaking down into a shivering mess. Covering my mouth, I tried to stifle my chattering teeth.
With ferocity, the man hurled this "bundle" into Lake Blackshear. The splashes sounded louder. And they were always followed by the man's gruff breathing.
The man let out another cry as he grabbed the final load.
This last one was the smallest. Yet another tied-up white sheet... this one with even more red stains than the others.
To my horror, I saw an unmistakable foot dangling out the bottom of that makeshift bodybag. A small Batman sneaker. Velcro for shoestrings. The shoe of a young child.
I couldn't be certain, but I thought I saw a substance constantly dripping off the shoe. A dark liquid... as a doctor, I've seen that color all off often. That tinge of dark red.
Growling, the man threw this lightest load straight into the lake. As if he were hurling a javelin.
This splash was the weakest yet. And with a sickening sensation in my gut, I knew a child would probably be the lightest of the bunch.
Horrified, I staggered back. I was fucking quiet until I tripped over an object hiding in the grass.
The hard ground greeted the back of my head. I shook off my dazed state. This up close and personal, I saw what I'd tripped over.
A human hand stuck out of the dirt like a morbid plant. The hand was pale and still. Completely dead. But judging by those scratches and cuts on its fingers, I knew it'd still been quite active when it was buried alive.
Ready to leap off the ground, my hands scurried back. Until I felt something sticky. Something wet.
Full of dread, I turned to see an abundance of fresh blood covering the grass like a red rain had fallen.
And like a variety of planted crops, there were more than just hands sticking up out of the ground. There were fingers, feet, even strands of bloodied blonde hair. Bits of flesh and bones were all strewn about in this... this fucking burial ground.
I moved my hand away and felt it hit another lodged object. I was hoping it was a rock. But that was delusional wishful thinking.
Instead, I made eye contact with a brown eyeball buried in the dirt. One that was forever wide open.
I let out a panicked cry. I couldn't hold my fear any longer. Not when I was this cold and terrified.
A beam of light brighter than the sun hit me.
"Hey!" I heard a nasty Southern accent growl.
Alarmed, I staggered to my feet and turned to see the man in all his frightening glory.
There he was less than fifteen feet away from me. Right next to what I presumed was his vehicle.
The man's flashlight illuminated his appearance for my eyes to see. He was close to my age. Piercing blue eyes. An executioner's scowl. A hollow face that could never be mistaken for warm and friendly.
His short curly hair must've been messy from his night's "work." A trash stache that'd have been hilarious in any other situation was now nothing more than a menacing attribute on this canvas of evil. The man's undershirt was covered in more red stains than those white sheets.
He stood lean and tall. And with that huge flashlight, he resembled an eerie caretaker holding a lantern.
"Get over here, Goddammit!" he barked at me, spit flying out of his mouth.
Nervous, I just stared at him. I was quiet. Dead still. Only the cold air seeping from my heavy breaths let me know I was still alive.
Glowering, the man marched toward me. "C'mere, you son-of-a-bitch!"
Like a gunshot to start a race, his first move was the only signal I'd need. I sprinted off for that dirt path. And thankfully, I avoided all the protruding skulls and hands along the way.
I heard the man give chase.
"Come back, Goddammit!" he yelled, his voice more brutal than a Pit Bull's growl.
But he couldn't catch me. Not a chance. I hauled ass down that path. And soon enough, both the man and his cries faded away into the dark wilderness.
Clutching my phone, I stepped foot onto the cul-de-sac. I'd never felt more relieved to be on this junk side of River Road. I glanced back real quick but saw nothing. No sign of the man. I slowed to a steady jog.
As I continued my trek past the overgrown "yards," I raised my phone to call the police.
But then like a roaring beast, I heard an engine erupt right behind me.
Terrified, I whirled around. The beast's beaming eyes blinded me. And those two large headlights were careening straight toward me. The tall man had given up on going after me by foot. Now he was hunting me by car.
Picking up speed, I ran as fast as I could. Like a heroic long distance runner. My adrenaline and fear melted all the cold I felt. My breath poured out in front of me like smoke coming from the engine that was my soul.
I could hear the car bellow through the quiet night. And it was only getting closer... like a manic crop duster swooping down upon me. North By Northwest on steroids. Only this was happening in reality. To me. In my own neighborhood.
Like an out-of-control winged monster, the car glided back-and-forth in both lanes. The headlights a crosshairs for the man.
Up ahead, I saw houses. All of them with their lights off.
The closest one was to my left. And through the darkness, I could see the Daniels's mailbox. At least, I thought that was their name... shit, Daniels or David, whatever the Hell their name was! If anyone else was home in this fucking neighborhood, it was them!
My heavy breathing intensified. My legs felt empty. At this rate, my sweat could freeze to me and I wouldn't feel it. Nothing but hope and caffeine kept me going.
With gusto, the car snarled and got even closer. I could feel its lights bearing down on me. But right before that monster of a vehicle could pounce, I jumped to the left.
I landed in the Daniels's/David's wet front lawn. Not the most graceful move, but hey, I was just thankful I hadn't landed on any blood or buried hands.
Exhausted, I looked up to see the car make a quick swerve. A maneuver I'd only ever seen in video games, but I'll be damned if the man didn't make it look effortless. Before I knew it, those irate headlight eyes zeroed in on me once more. In the cool November night, the vehicle resembled an oversized bat. One with a lust for blood.
"Shit," I muttered. Time to run.
As I heard the revving engine, I got on my feet and took off for the house's front door. I moved so fast I didn't even flinch when I stepped in a huge pile of dogshit. I was used to that anyway...
I could feel the headlights. I could hear the tires snarl. I could hear that motor heading right toward the driveway.
My knees wobbly, I climbed up the porch steps. "Open the door!" I yelled.
With desperate strength, I banged on that front door. My hands like hammers smashing into it. "Open the door! Please!" I begged. "It's Alan! Open the door!"
I heard nothing. Nothing at all. For that matter, I saw no more light in this staunch darkness.
Nervous, I turned. The car was gone. The son-of-a-bitch never came hurtling down that driveway. I was all alone.
Before my relief got carried away, a chorus of barks scared me back to reality. I looked over at a window and saw two Dobermans scratching at the glass. Their saliva flew all over the window like scattered rain. Their eyes glowering at me with the same vile hatred of the tall man.
I thought maybe my luck had started to change. Maybe the Daniels or whoever they were might still be home after all.
Cautious, I leaned in a little closer toward the window. Then my heart sank further than my hopes.
There wasn't just dogs in the family's entryway. Mr. Daniels himself was sprawled out on the floor. A huge bullet in his head. His bloodied gray matter exposed for all the world to see. His blue bathrobe brandished in redness.
I could even see where his own dogs had gotten to him. Chunks of Mr. Daniels's head had been ripped out by the Dobermans' hungry fangs. His pool of blood a grisly substitute for their empty water bowls.
I couldn't help but wonder where the rest of his family was? But honestly, I didn't wanna know. Not now... and I sure as Hell wasn't gonna tangle with those mutts to find out.
As the dogs kept snarling, I stumbled off the porch. My steps weary and weak. I'd felt like I completed a marathon. And in many respects, I had. Only I wasn't competing for money or glory. I was competing for my life.
Wiping sweat off my brow, I scraped the dogshit off on the final porch step. Then I stopped on the front lawn. I could still hear the Goddamn Dobermans through the serene silence.
I looked up at the sky. Dawn was upon us. Soon, the sunlight would shatter through this cold November night.
Tired, I lifted my phone. At this point, my cell really did feel frozen to my flesh.
I began mashing 911 when I felt a quick whiz zoom right past me. I stopped, confused. Another gush of wind brushed by my ear. Like the force you feel when someone just misses punching you. Only this was much more dangerous... these were bullets.
Frightened, I turned. And off in the distance, I could see the outline of the car parked in another yard. The headlights were off, and the man stood right outside the door on the driver's side. Total stealth mode.
To my horror, I realized he wasn't pointing a flashlight at me either.
Another shot rang out, and this one did signal a race.
I took off like a frightened juvenile delinquent. Through all my neighbors' yards. I didn't care since most of these assholes weren't home anyway. They never were. Then it dawned on me that some of them were probably dead... just like Mr. Daniels.
All around me, the bullets just missed. Like I was the world's most evasive target. Thank God, this asshole wasn't a great shot...
Behind me, I heard the car's engine roar to life. The tires screeched into hyperdrive.
I got closer and closer to my house. Stumbling through all the shrubs and bushes, I could see it up ahead like a gorgeous mirage. My wife's most hated place had become my dream destination.
Another bullet made me duck. But I kept going. I'd gone out-of-breath at this point. All the exhaustion made me hot in the chilly weather. Sweat drenched my clothes like I'd run through a rainstorm.
Powering through, I continued on the journey through this seemingly-abandoned rich neighborhood. The houses may as well have been decoys. I didn't see a single light on, much less any of my "neighbors" out and about.
I noticed the headlights grow brighter behind me. I knew the car was just a few feet away.
A violent honk made me jump. And right when I sensed the car aligning with me, I leaped down into my neighbor's ugly bushes.
Above me, I saw a bullet blast a tree limb off one of my neighbor's oaks. Like a broken statue, the branch landed right by me, smashing into several pieces.
I laid there on my chest for what seemed an eternity. I covered my mouth to suppress my exhaustive breaths. For several intense seconds, I just stayed right there. But I never heard those tires skirting to come back. I saw no gleaming headlights. There was nothing.
I dialed 911. Something I should've done a longass time ago. That poor operator got an earful. I know I must've sounded like a delusional methhead. But the message was pretty fucking clear: SEND SOMEBODY TO RIVER ROAD, GODDAMMIT! SOMEBODY'S SHOOTING AT ME!
Cautious, I stood up. No one was around. Even the car was gone. Still paranoid, I ran into my yard.
Like I'd reached a finish line, I leaned against my garage wall. The garden hose alleviated my depleted energy. With this break from the battle, I finally had the time to brush all the dirt and debris off my clothes.
Faint sunshine was out by the time a cop car pulled in. Relieved, I staggered up to the vehicle. The cool wind made me pull my hoodie in a little closer.
I felt a wave of comfort just seeing the siren sitting on top of the car. Even more relief when I saw a logo I never thought I'd be overjoyed to see: Warwick Police Department.
Like a beaming schoolboy, I waved at the officer sitting inside.
As the car got closer, I noticed how large the headlights were. How loud its engine was.
The tires came to a screeching stop.
Unease struck me. In the daylight, what I saw before me was a regular squad car. But at night... this car was no different than the beast that had been hunting me down since 6 A.M.
Dread smashed into me with the ferocity of those missed bullets.
The door on the driver's side swung open. And out stepped a tall, skinny man. No longer in his blood-stained undershirt but an ironed police uniform.
His blue-eyed glare was unmistakable. As was that fucking trash stache.
Confident, he slammed the door right behind him. A smirk appeared on his face. "What seems to be the problem?" he quipped.
Frozen in horror, I watched him approach me. "I think one of my neighbors is hurt," I said in an uneasy tone.
The cop stopped right in front of me. "Oh." His hand grabbed his holster. "Is that so?"
"Yeah." Trembling, I pointed down the road. Toward the Daniels's house. "It's the brick house right down there."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the cop undo his holster.
"I think he needs an ambulance," I went on, doing my best to feign naive calmness. I'm a terrible actor...
The man gripped his firearm. "We'll take care of it," he told me with cold detachment.
"Hey, Tom!" a voice interrupted our staredown.
Both of us turned to see an older cop step out of the passenger's seat and lean against the door. He was pot-bellied with a weathered face. Definitely the elder of the partners.
"Let's go check it out," the older cop said. His commanding eyes looked over at me. "We'll let you know if we find anything."
I lost my voice for a moment. Both from nerves and the cold. "Than you," I finally forced out.
I felt "Tom"'s dagger of blue eyes stay on me. But I avoided eye contact. Even if I noticed his hand kept staying on that gun.
The older cop tapped on the door. "Come on, Tom! Let's go!"
But Tom wasn't ready to leave.
Finally, I turned and looked into his angry eyes. He was studying me like a scientist. Like he wanted to remember me for later.
I held my ground. But not in very convincing fashion. This fucker was well over six feet tall. And oh yeah, he was a cop. With a fucking gun.
Agitated, the older cop got between us. Literally. "Goddammit, Tom!" he grumbled.
Using all his might, the veteran policeman forced his partner back toward the car.
I couldn't hear much of their ensuing conversation. They kept whispering. And most of their chat featured the two of them flashing glances at me.
"We'll do it later," I thought I heard the older cop reassure Tom.
Awkward, I took a few steps back. I can't say I felt too safe out here in the cold.
The older guy shoved Tom back into the driver's seat. "Alright, let's go!" he hurled at the young cop.
Right before he got into the passenger's seat, the older man faced me. A stoic expression on his haggard face. "You'll hear from us later," he said. Not in obligatory-bullshit fashion either... this man was promising it.
Before I could even say anything, the two men were back in the squad car.
Through the windshield, I could see them arguing. I could see them turn their glares on me from time to time. And I knew they didn't care I saw them either.
After what felt like a tense decade, the cop car finally backed out my driveway and drove off toward Mr. Daniel's house.
All I knew was I wasn't sticking around. Panicking more than a cornered crook, I burst inside the house. I told Holly everything. With the aid of coffee, I tried to stay calm and focused. We're getting the fuck out of here! I stated.
We packed up our main shit and left the house in less than an hour. Before the Warwick Police Department could ever give me a neighborhood update.
I took us to my brother's house in Moultrie. At Holly's insistence, I had a moving van go get most of the rest of our other stuff. We were going to St. Simon's Island earlier than expected. But I knew it was worth it. Honestly, I think we had to.
Of course, I never what happened to Mr. Daniels. Just like I never knew what happened to that burial ground out on River Road either.
Less than a month later, I had my brother-in-law go out to our old home and check on it. He made his living as a horror writer... well, if you wanna call it "making a living." I think he just writes all day and posts on forums like this.
Anyway, not to my surprise, he told us our old house had been ransacked. The windows shattered, the front door busted in. He sounded more scared and surprised then I was. I was just relieved me, Holly, and Michael were nowhere near that place when Tom and his partner decided to come back...
I told Holly's brother not to worry about it. The realtors can handle that shit. I'm far away from that house now. Far away from that community.
Sure, St. Simon's Island is fucking cold for those morning jogs. But at least, I can still go running without fearing for my life. And this community is so vibrant and friendly! I suppose the rural seclusion was nice when I was younger and more adventurous... but when you raise a family, man, you just want safety. All I know is Holly's happy now. Her and Michael both.
By the way, if anyone's interested, our old house is still on the market. At an extreme discount, I might add. I'm basically giving it away at this point. The house is still a pretty place too. In a really pretty neighborhood. And from what I've seen, River Road also has quite the local police patrol.
submitted by rhonnie14 to Horror_stories [link] [comments]


2018.05.21 11:21 VynilDota Vynil's RedViews for EST-SUN Week 1

Most of my rankings held strong, though not all turned out as planned. Side note, if you notice any really harsh seeming statement just know that I know the ones I'm insulting.

Playoffs

Melliflox

Current Record: 2-0
Famed Lycan player Melliflox managed to win week 1 2-0. This team is practicing a ton and should continue to do well against any team in the division. 22-10 Game 1 with not a single person on Melliflox's team dying more than 3 times. Minus a few flawed teamfights this team is set to be The Friendship Forgery with actual friendship and practice. Filski and NutR continue to go well together even with being a map apart from each other most of the time. Melliflox himself managed to secure 10LH/min on Luna game 1 before nearly halving that number by picking Lycan game 2. Ironically, the Lycan game lasted longer than the Luna game, but I guess that might be because NutR was feeding his ass off on Disruptor game 2. Longoria continues to impress in the middle lane with a double dose of Zeus this week and a KDA of 27. ShmeeZZy meanwhile gets to play Position 5 Version 2 for the team, not quite clearly fitting into the position 4 role yet but doing well nonetheless. Practice doesn't make perfect but Melliflox is bound to carry until his fur falls off or his interesting item builds betray him.
Red Says: My ferocious friend finds fantastic victory with furry fury dismantling We's team with a total of 65 minutes between both games. What's really scary is this team will only get better, faster than other teams. I have mad respect for any team able to take a game off this lad. #JoinTheCultOfMelliflox

Mikel

Current Record: 2-0
Turns out Mikel is a competent Storm Spirit player. Picking a single stun might have facilitated this pick. I'm pretty sure it's illegal to rape a minor this hard but Mikel had no mercy, going 16-1-8 on Storm against CosmiK's 1-7-3 Shadow Fiend. Habits' Timbersaw didn't even die and secured more gold than the enemy SF by the end of the game. This is just a textbook stomping. Coop somehow managed to tank most important ganks, proving that his true value is in warning others of impending doom. Watz did Doom things in the offlane. Darbax had 69% [nice] kill participation on Night Stalker game 1 before improving to 73% kill participation game 2 on Skywrath. CosmiK won mid on Cancer.hero, proving that Viper can be overcome but not stopped, as Habits managed to end the game 17-5-21. Mikel played Spectre and had his team setup kills for him (notably, an especially good teamfight at 16 min followed by a 3-for-5 trade at 39:30) before Coop multicast Bloodlust on him and the Radiant throne fell. Watz apparently decided that 0 deaths was no fun and went for maximum deaths, dying more than Coop's Ogre on Axe. Though, Axe played his role well, turning fights for his team (especially that one at 16 min, watch that shit) and catching the Tinker.

RedondO

Current Record: 2-0
The wannabe-Filski played his 4 predominantly in the offlane, as if to prove that he could, in fact, surpass an Ancient 4 player. Watch 9:34 to 16:24 for a good perspective of how this game went. While RedondO managed to prove himself worse than Filski in game 1 (/s), dying twice as much as Filski did , he did far more than I expected out of Doom+Sand King offlane. Anyway, this game was pretty much a crushing blow and there's only so many ways to say [x did good]. Game 2 saw Hitagi do insanely well on Morphling, with RedondO developing dementia or some shit on his Sand King while Joel Warlord pwned newbs on his trademark XxX_WitCh.Doctor_XxX. Alicia did well both games but underwhelms me on this Lina game 2. Solid team, doesn't seem to need as much practice as Melliflox to win games.

TheJohan

Current Record: 2-0
Solaris was apparently replaced by NEAR for this series (with NEAR's team games being currently unavailable) with great results. The double captain strat appears to be so overpowering that even Badger succumbs to its power, going 10-10-13 on Terrorblade. Doom continues to plague RD2L drafts, but this was a less than stellar showing of the hero game 1 before pG got it together to play Beastmaster game 2. Maverick lost mid both games according to Dotabuff, which surely shouldn't happen with Sniper and Razor, and also ended the game with Cheese in his backpack. Nevertheless, he did pretty good on Sniper and slightly less so on Razor. Boneless failed to get more farm than my Nugget Nick but did great on his 4 Night Stalker. I'm unsure of this 27min Eul's into a 41min Force Staff on Nyx, but if it works I can't complain.
Red Says: Besides the absolute nut crushing that was game 2 (signature Badger Alch coming through), game 1 looked kinda close at least until Badger Terrorblade burned Maverick's sniper aegis using reflection only. This false sense of security lured Badger's KC's team out of their base where NEAR could kite them around forever while Maverick was able to pump shot after shot into them.

Nuttypizza

Current Record: 2-0
Classic Ring > Phase > Drums > Yasha > BKB > Aghs build on Gyro here. Anyway, after a bloody toplane the Nutters decided to keep it interesting and decided to completely throw a fight in their jungle at 27 min. Nutty, get out of the offlane if you're going to die 10x on Omniknight and 8x on Tidehunter. Subject continues to slay in the name of his beloved Joel Warlord Witch Doctor player, playing excellent on both Dragon Knigh- yawn and Gyrocopter. Lil' Duckie supported Nutty well but failed to stop the bleeding and so Nutty ruleplaced him with Mota, who did slightly better at taming the sacred art of offlane dying. boog-god continues to be a better HippO, playing Earth Spirit both games and managing to secure almost 40 cs in a 40 minute game. Era played Medusa which, since you saw the record of the team above this paragraph, tell you about exactly how game 1 went. Game 2 saw the more-mobile and aggressive Void pickup for Era, causing him to melt when Doomed by "stoned brb" (certainly an odd fate).
Red Says: Game 1 was fairly even, with an edge to Nutty's team being able to defend buildings easily with Dusa and and Jakiro and Yeti's team lacking strong building hitters outside Lina. After forcing a lane of racks and a Monkey King buyback using an aegis and Gyro Aghs NuttyPizza was able to defend the resulting re-push and re-repush back in. When it looked like Yeti's team was just able to defend this re-re-push they ran outside their base and was picked off one by one. Game two was not ticketed properly. As part of the Admin's harsh punishments redhq will not comment on any improperly ticketed games.

Upper Tier

Skkip

Current Record: 2-0
Some fucking old-Melliflox shit here. Dying 4x on Monkey King before 6 minutes, Skkip showed that he might have skipped the "How-to-not-feed-in-the-safelane" class. Respect banning JTK's Techies is probably a good idea, but banning Lich over a more impactful hero? I'm not sure on that one. Brightside lost mid but made a larger game-impact after laning ended, so he's golden boy for game 1. Doom again appears, being piloted by RD2L's most renowned 5 player: Vanilla Acoustic. Apparently learning addition taught him how to go from 5 to 3, but he still managed to support his carries from the 3 role by either tanking enemy spells or by taking damage for his team in game 2 on Abaddon. Tazdude99 lived up to Oh Boy and delivered good things on Warlock, but Skkip managed to sneak into detention at this point and play another game of safelane as Spectre. I think the fact that he did 4.2K building damage on Spectre is enough to say how well game 2 well for his team. For the Thrills played staple 4 heroes and trashed the enemy (minus that pre-6 min event with Monkey).
Red Says: Feeding in the early game is a lot better than feeding in the mid game. Don't believe me? Watch game 1. Skipp died on core MK 4 times in the first 7 minutes. But Badawzer died 4 times between 6 and 12 minutes. Skipp was able to take good fight after good fight leveraging Shea Dr out of the game. Game 2 was a similar blood bath but Skipp was again sharp on deciding what fights to take and which to dodge, ultimately leveraging them our of a 5k deficit from some early game woes into a win.

Niffum

Current Record: 2-0
JBay7 continues to rival Nugget Nick's Clockwerk and SKarfaze is making other captains look like fools for not picking him earlier. 'Nuff said.
PS. Use your actual names
Red Says: Redhq will also refuse to comment on games where names are indecipherable.

Zypher

Current Record: 2-0
My boy Shmurda still partially almost maybe has it. Undying? Really. I know the boy has like 1.5 arms but I'm pretty sure he can Pudge people even with the hero in its current state. Zypher managed to not lose on Meepo in an official game, so that's something (it was mid Meepo too so it's actually something). Another Doom pickup managed to tame Jeff "Can't Be Tamed" Pest with Izumi <3 stopping Cooper's team of Legendary Archons. This guy went full CupOfJoe and played Lich both games, dying only 9 times TOTAL. The 10 min fight here looks impressive, but it was only a sign of what was to come as Zypher's team managed to secure the game slowly and with no major upsets to their gameplan (other than a fight at 25:30 where Meepo and Jugg died). Protip: listen to my boy Shmurda, he knows his shit. Melliflox, Divine 5 furry, will also tell you to listen to Shmurda. Make sure you 5 listens to Shmurda so that they can roam around together and acquire currency to disregard females.
Red Says: Ok so first. Let's have a little discussion Zypher. Some heart to heart if you will. If you like traps, ya gay. At least a little bit. Moving past that and your curbstomp of a game 1, your game 2 looks pretty interesting. In that you took 48 minutes and a throw to close a game against a team with multiple archon players and a venge-only mid player (no offense Zeomaster, you're seriously outperforming your badge). It also it looks like you got outdrafted, so I'll give you that.

dnm9

Current Record: 2-0
Holy shit Prohibit went 16-2 on Kunkka against this team. Anyway, CupOfJoe play Jakiro and managed to get a ton of last hits relative to others in his role. Octane underwhelms me on Doom and Axe, but I can't say he did bad, only that I expected more out of him. hish is apparently playing mid for the team over dnm9, which is an interesting choice but maybe the kiddo is worried that getting roamed on too much will harm his puberty or some shit. Anyway, the guys good. Period. No joke. He might be able to fight Melliflox IRL at this point. dnm9 is the only Prohibit rival this season and I honestly think he can do well but worry that he might face some Malakai-esque issues of doing really well or really poorly at the drop of a hat. Anyway hish is currently busy playing Turbo for Cavern Crawl while debruyne manages to continue to use a Super profile pic despite the series end some time ago. As far as the games go, Prohibit.team continues to struggle to do well alongside Prohibit before Prohibit feels an itch to play a hero that is near-impossible to carry on: Batrider. The fact that Prohibit played Batrider into his biggest "rival" this season should say something: Prohibit is fucking crazy. Now hish did fucking awful laning here (with Prohibit almost doubling his NW at 10 min) yet his team held together and crossed the finish line much faster than Econ's patched-together raft could.

NEAR

Current Record: FF-0
Won via forfeit, gratz kids.

Xccepted

Current Record: 1-1
Dear RedondO, does Timbersaw need a buff?
Jokes aside, Xccepted played Timbersaw and managed to win with it safelane against Tidehunter (unsurprisingly). Xccepted then played an in-meta hero and died Dark-v-Nugget style to a roaming Clockwerk. RNGG played only 1 RNG-based hero, so that might be why they los- wait they lost the game he was on the RNG-hero with... hmmmm.... no easy way to explain that. NewbWantBewbsToo role played an Orbital Canon on AA with Y-O-D-A never once dying on Viper, before being ruleplaced by Irissia game 2 (who also played AA). 1/3rd the CS in a longer game isn't too good, maybe take some tips from your Divines on when you can farm so that you can really take over games and have a larger impact than an almost-complete Eul's at 45 min. Akiri played some odd 4 heroes and did okay on Nyx before being served on a plate game 2 as Mirana. I really don't get how they lost game 2, the draft looks okay to me but maybe Clinkz got too big too fast for them to handle.
Red Says: Timbersaw beats strength heroes? Amazing draft in game 1 by Xccepted accompanied by a perfect 16-0-6 game on Y-O-D-A's Viper makes for a rough looking networth graph. In game 2 it looks like Xccepted got the town bicycle treatment, everyone had their turn to kill him at least once, and 4 of Killer Karate's teammates were able to do it at least twice. Getting bodied by McFatSauce's clockwerk looks painful. The game stretched out to the 45 minute mark but it looked totally over at 25 minutes.

Contender Tier

Gotard

Current Record: BYE-BYE
Holy shit they had the bye. I was worried my team would get it again.

Vynil

Current Record: 1-1
The game was great as soon as the lobby was made as this match was the first time I got to face DaywalkeR since being partnered with him last season. The boy whined I'm sure of that, but I have to wonder: did he laugh? Anyway, we ran away with game 1 by taking advantage of the fact that many know of Hotshot's Doom and putting A Flying Monkey on Doom with Hotshot on Clockwerk. The early game went great with my team aggroing into theirs and coming out on top, after which we just partied up with Zeus, took a tower with Shaman wards, then farmed until wards were up again. The game was rather textbook. If you want to see how my team can possibly sometimes maybe function watch our teamfight game 1 at 33:17. Nugget Nick returned to his first pick Sven true role as position 1 with me right there beside him. My boy played an okay Luna before playing a flawed Lifestealer pick (my bad, I'm drafting this season for the first time. The beauty of this is that game 1 had 45 kills in the first 20 minutes. Game 2 was much less exciting. We got rekt. Turns out it's hard to help all 3 lanes with my dated draft of Naga + Disruptor. Oh well, team is going strong. Rubity is a great guy and solid player all around.
Red Says: How you lose to DaywalkeR is beyond me. This series is proof that Axe is a terrible hero. Look at how the Axes did in both games, don't pick Axe.

Fspoon

Current Record: 1-1
Deal with your early game better. Work together instead of these weird fucking dual lanes that struggle to roam well. Also, make sure your players can play the heroes before you pick them. Anyway, DaywalkeR managed to win a game after I did a lackluster draft with poor execution. DaywalkeR remains a top-tier mid on his good days, but he did manage to only tie mid both games despite Rubity being a safelaner. SonOfFiery failed to impress me game 1, playing a mediocre Spectre while DaywalkeR also went for Physical Ember, which is too slow to slow down the push of Doom, Luna, and Shaman. Son redeemed himself game 2 with an impressive Gyrocopter performance that gave me near-PTSD of the hero. I also learned that DaywalkeR could play Kunkka. Guns4Hands did his job both games, though he did much better on Underlord than on Axe, so that's of note. Fspoon plays Witch Doctor pretty well when he doesn't ban it first phase. Might want to ban The_Punisher's Clockwerk, as he himself stopped Nugget many times game 2. Good job kiddos.

Colin

Current Record: 1-1
Zamolxes. You tried my friend. Sadly Medusa Io is too much for one man to handle. However, I'm not sure mid Omniknight is the way to go? Did Jakou draft this? What happened to cause this pick? Anway, Pingu is a good PL so that's great. Colin did the cancer that is Skywrath in a dual-offlane, dying the least of anyone in game 2. Anyway, fangay himself did okay when put against ruffneck's Axe, but his item timings were slowed heavily by... something. Astroty got respectable timings on items and actually farmed well on Dazzle, showing some good potential for growth and the ability to find good times to farm. Sidenote, get Yerbad out of the offlane and onto the support role. Colin wants to rival Joel Warlord with this Witch Doctor game 1, but fails to follow it up game 2 with a shocker second Witch Doctor pick (instead playing Skywrath). Nothing too special here, just two good teams facing each other.

Killerkarate

Current Record: 1-1
Master is DaywalkeR 2.0 confirmed. OH wait he played Safelane game 2? Fuck. I needed a good draft for next season. Anyway, Master's Windranger shows the weakness of the hero after laning phase and low farming potential until she gets a Maelstrom. 14 min Maelstrom into a 21 minute Blink? Something's wrong there. Bottle? Wot. Mate get with the times, Stick + Consumables. Karate did his best Yerbad impression on this Tidehunter, attempting to embody his fellow internet-video-speaker. Guardian_MSSB did fine but I really feel like Rubick + Sand King is a tad too greedy, despite the CK pick. Game 2 saw less draft issues and more absolute destruction in favour of karate's team. Guardian played a mean Lion with a fearsome roar that blew Irissia's AA out of the water, Master toppled Xccepted and Karate got Yergood at Elder Titan.
Red Says: Game 1 looks like Killer Karate got out drafted pretty hard. Additionally it looked they had troubles in even attempting to shut down either Y-O-D-A or Xccepted, the net worth looks pretty sad as a result. Identifying their mistakes from game 1 Killer Karate's team was able to prioritize ganks on the hero that needed to be shut down. Huge clock plays by McFatSauce put's nail after nail into Xccepted's coffin. Eventually the advantage was too large to surmount and Killer Karate was able to bludgeon out a win.

Middle Tier

Nullagon

Current Record: 1-1
Role Swap! Nullagon carry failed so now Wise will carry. Scrub Spirit probably did the best he could in the offlane as Windranger (wtf a 44 min Blink) but was outclassed by Pacer's Doom in the enemy offlane. I'm not entirely sure Treads > Hood > Diffusal > Linken's > Manta is the right build here on PL, might be lacking a bit of raw HP and damage. CC-1004 went for the despised Veil build on Death Prophet, which I will never understand as most of DP's damage is physical from her ult and Solar Crest exists in this game (only plausible benefit being the easier-to-stomach buildup). Sylvyr did okay on offlane Axe (for being dual laned with fucking Windranger). Overall... I'm not sure how to fix this. Game 2 was more even. Nullagon supported on Shadow Demon but still lost lane to Sand King + Underlord with his Luna getting some subpar farm by the end of the game but still managing to win the game. I do think that Zeus is a better mid than Lesh right now, as Zeus can spam his spells far more than Lesh before having to clarity it up. CC-1004 does deserve praise here, going 14-0-14 with Sylvyr doing much better with Brewmaster + Windranger.
Red Says: Originally this team name reminded me vaguely of my favorite album (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udyYluSPBbc) until I realized it was a weak-ass Marble Vigilantes: Forever Fight reference. Looking at game 1's kill feed, it unsurprisingly looks like axe made unprofitable trade after unprofitable trade (no offence to you Sylvyr, I just think Axe is about as effective as a single mega creep). If they pick literally any other offlaner I think they have a much better matchup and would be able to head out into the mid game without a 10k deficit. Nullagon showed in this game they were able to take profitable fights from behind but it wasn't enough for only drafting 4 Dota heroes. Game 2 showcased what Nullagon's team looks like on paper to me. Capable of dishing out some convincing 30 minute stomps. Beautiful Zeus game, with CC-1004 going 14-0-14 in a sub 30 minute game.

DARERFANGAY

Current Record: 1-1
Good draft game 1 followed up by a less-good draft game 2. They lost to Axe and then won a game from someone forgetting that Ravage doesn't pierce BKB activating BKB and going fucking ham. Anyway, these replays are cancer and showcase some of the most hilarious Dota I've seen in a while (been a while since I spectated Oh Boy's games). Trixcterlad appears to play fine with Poggey, but not quite with the carries. Both supports are dying a ton but not really to the point where I'd say it's particularly bad; they're just playing heroes that HAVE to die or be killed (Venge swaps into death to save and Io is a goal post for Boundless Strikes). Tempest played offlane Veno about 10 patches too late, so that happened. Team's weird yo.

Dark Smoke

Current Record: 1-1
What do I say here other than to know your tempo. Phantom Lancer is not very good early game and is only okay at a VERY specific part of the mid game. Game 2 showcases 5 heroes with little to show for an actual strategy. Mid Nature's is maybe not the most potent thing ever either and it's pretty clear what type of hero Zimimon should be given when you compare his game 1 performance to game 2. SupermaN! failed to overcome the current Axe curse but did do markedly better game 2 than game 1 on Legion Commander into Timbersaw Gyro. Guam lost his citizenship I guess game 2 as he was evicted from any lane and spent wayyy too much time traversing from lane to lane on Vengeful Spirit, likely due to the pressure applied by the other team having a clear tempo. PULLBACKTHEBOLY might not be ready to play Willow yet, but he can certainly play Warlock. I do think that hero is slightly underrated in the current meta. Soul Ring Legion is gross, GTFO (if this is actually common in higher-level Dota, sorry).
Red Says: Losing g1 to a team that both doesn't have a standin for their first pick ancient 5 and contains loves is something is a yikes from me. But maybe, that's why we're in the below average section of the bracket. In game 2, Loves racked up 12 deaths in a 37 minute game on T I M B E R S A W in bad fight after bad fight, he has literally changed his steam name to "I threw g2" after that series. I'm sorry Dark Smoke, we can't all be winners.

USSGuam (Alaska or Iwo Jima class?)

Current Record: 1-1
I hope you have some PMA Gaming after that first game. 0 minute Wind Lace on Shaman is kinda disgusting to me, as I think Pudge should probably be starting with either Wind Lace or Boots with Shaman playing the poverty-support. 38 minutes with only 21 cs on Shaman? Mate buy some clarities or some shit Christ. Losing mid on Wind to OD. :thinking: Loves appears to be unable to make progress towards victory on Timbersaw, but on Viper safelane? Ohhh boy. Dark taught him nothing but this boy plays mid in the safelane. 30 min Blademail to follow the 16 minute Hurricane Pike. :thinking: This is truly baffling. Anyway, Guam repeatedly sent kiddos to the Embassy on Venge, hopefully not fucking up his Kunkka's combos. I Want Wind to Blow played an okay Sand King this game alongside... ANOTHER FUCKING WINDRANGER OFFLANE? wtf. I'm done.
Red Says: If any man can tame Loves into a wholesome non-throwy PMA lad, it's the man that raised me from a 2k shitter into a 3k shitter, LS.ibeleive. Unfortunately he's been pretty inactive on dota due to work so we won't be able to see him in action until later in the season. I think that if he can dedicate more time to pubbing with loves both players can make it to divine 0 or 1 by the end of the season and carry their team to playoffs. Until then we're probably going to see middling performances like this one. Loves going apeshit followed by some Loves™ shotcalling.

Pacer

Current Record: 1-1
Mertank is too good for this league. Going 1-4-28 on Rubick and then making a fantasy league? GTFO. Go help PST-SUN not be a wild west. Potent mid laner aside, this team seems to struggle from a simple lack of cohesion. I do think you field Mertank both games, not just for one. Don't draft Leshrac mid unless you can back it up. GoodVibes appears to of struggle to kill anyone on Troll Warlord, could be that maybe Zeus is too Bursty for him until BKB is up and by then the enemy Luna is an item or two ahead of you due to being unable to kill. 22 min BF? WTF. You're a ranged/melee hero, Underlord shouldn't be THAT oppressive against you. Anyway, Jakiro is a fine pick but did only 73 tower damage, so that's an issue. This team might crumble to gatekeeper teams and make it just shy of playoffs.

Lower Tier

Raul

Current Record: 0-2
Red Says: Oof, ouch, owie, curbstomp hurting juice. Game 1 looks painful, the dotabuff kill feed paints a picture of failed rotations and lost team fights on the side of Raul. Eventually they lost by being unable to kill more than bane in teamfights as their base crumbled around them. Game 2 was much more exciting as they were able to win a pivotal fight around the rosh pit with some insane plays by both Kongo Schlong's Shadow Shaman and their tusk player. Unfortunately they weren't able to capitalize on it well enough even though they got the tier 2 tower mid. They retreated back into rosh and logical's QoP snatched the Aegis out from under them enabled by some absolutely fantastic shot calling on the side of logical. This unfortunately was the last hope Raul's team had in this series.

Shea Dr.

Current Record: 0-2
After a rocky start to his safelane shenanigans, Shea has returned to the offlane. His first game put him in a rouch Gyrocopter game. Lord Muffin played a mean Invoker but it wasn't enough to save JTK from the banning of Techies. Now I'm no expert, but maybe safelane Kunkka carry isn't the most effective draft around, especially for a man of JTK's skillset. Poxie did fine on Witch Doctor game 2, especially when you factor in the fact that Skkip is Melliflox-tier and played Spectre. Arok did interesting things on Spirit Breaker but nothing anyone did in either of these games appears to of gone as planned. Anyway, 25 min glimmer on poverty-Witch is a good timing to me.

PaprikaCC

Current Record: 0-2
Call the fucking cops. There's been a murder. This team got fcuking slaughtered game 1. CosmiK, as brilliant as that boy is, wasn't enough to prevent Mikel from rampaging all over. Game 2 is more crushing, because they had it. They fucking had it. But they blew it. 3 five man wipes will disintegrate any 12K gold lead, but continuing to trade poorly after that? That's just the sign that you have 100% fucked. up.
Red Says: Paprika, I know you weren't there for your team as a battle brother but I know you were there in spirit. But it's okay. There is no shame in losing to Mikel. Vynil won't let me put you higher in the rankings even though you gave one of the best teams in the league a run for their money. [REDACTED] Game 1 was rough, but european overlords are hard to kill. Game 2 was closer but it looks like you overcommitted to mikel woo many times

kc

Current Record: 0-2
Badger. Alchemist. Why?

W33333333

Current Record: 0-2
Harsh to face the fur stack week 1. W33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 probably wasn't too happy after this matchup played itself out early. HullCity07 got played like an absolute violin game 1, though Omni Zeus makes taking any duel rather risky. derp appears to of played a bit too safe on Lion, making near 0 impact despite his Blink Dagger pickup. B.O.D.M.A.S had a rough Viper game into Longoria (who I'm surprised isn't Divine yet). W33333333 even struggled against Filski's Brew on Morphling, going a 1-3-3 build that didn't quite pan out after he was near-abandoned in the bottom lane. Game 2 shows that Melliflox knows that Lycan isn't dead yet, picking up his infamous hero into W33333333's Medusa and Kuro's PL. HullCity attempted to become Subject with this Pango pickup but it was to no avail, as Melliflox is a potent offlaner with supports that can listen to his wise council of "go now, go now."

Cloudy

Current Record: 0-2
Shoutout to Iceyeti for this Monkey King performance. The team did solidly, they just ran out of time. Medusa + Omni is a good way to halt a Monkey King from doing anything in a large teamfight. The best I can say here is that game 1 was back and forth, and that's a good thing here. They made a real effort and almost made it work. Good job all of you, keep going. Work up the rankings.

Teams? Or A Group of Players?

Econ

Current Record: 0-2
Prohibit, what are these heroes? If this team can figure out how to work together they might just win something, but as long as they continue to bleed their morale dry they'll continue to lose. Good players with bad teamwork.
Red Says: This series put Econ's team to the test. The mere fact they played game 2 after narrowly losing a 57 minute game really attests the fact that, maybe, just maybe this team will stick together. The raw skill on this team is incredible and they're still (mostly) together. Prohibit got to play weird shit mid and it went pretty good. With some better synergy and some mid-game coordination this team could jump to the top of the list. Until then, this team still receives a needs improvement grade.

Cooper

Current Record: 0-2
Ask for coaching, watch replays. Play safe heroes. Don't disband. It'll be good for each of you to grow from this. I rose 5 badges after last season, I'm sure each of you can do the same if you work hard enough. I believe you can do better than Divine 5 Malakai's team last season.

Phase

Current Record: 0-2
You gotta stop Hitagi. I also don't think you given Donger Razor. Ever. This guy plays better lane-winners than fucking Razor. Phase did an okay Wind game 2? not much to say here. No flame to give out as they lost to one of the best teams and no one person even really did THAT poorly. Sucks but you have to move on and win next week.

Starboy's Dumpster

Current Record: DISBAND WEEK 1
You're in here for the whole season, not even sure if it's your fault but what ever happened in this team is unacceptable.
submitted by VynilDota to redditdota2league [link] [comments]


2017.12.13 20:21 subreddit_stats Subreddit Stats: Reformed top posts from 2011-06-16 to 2017-12-12 14:05 PDT

Period: 2370.98 days
Submissions Comments
Total 1000 28894
Rate (per day) 0.42 12.18
Unique Redditors 343 1948
Combined Score 32136 101971

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

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    2. We might have missed it in the midst of the SCOTUS ruling, but we just passed 4000 subscribers! (47 points, 22 comments)
    3. I think that most instances of "seeking God's will" are in error. (46 points, 44 comments)
    4. A black, Reformed Christian woman on why she has no interest in systematic racism, BLM, or Reformed African-American Network. (45 points, 103 comments)
    5. "If your right hand causes you to sin..." (43 points, 29 comments)
    6. I pretty much just sat next to this exact conversation in a coffee shop. (43 points, 14 comments)
    7. Did we celebrate 7K subscribers? I don't think we did. So, we passed 7K a while back. Whipeedoo! Way to go, mods and subscribers. (39 points, 44 comments)
    8. Great advice from Kevin DeYoung. (38 points, 3 comments)
    9. As the only black guy in an all-white church, I just had to share this... (36 points, 34 comments)
    10. Mark Driscoll repents... to Joel Osteen. Really. (36 points, 26 comments)
  5. 893 points, 30 submissions: BishopOfReddit
    1. Very timely quote from Hilary I came across today, thought I'd share. (46 points, 12 comments)
    2. Tim Keller: "Making Sense of God: An Invitation to the Skeptical" Talks At Google (45 points, 15 comments)
    3. Guess who said it: "Every child deserves the opportunity to live up to their God given potential." (43 points, 73 comments)
    4. Reminder: Justification is received by faith alone. (41 points, 13 comments)
    5. After much meditation, thought, and reflection: I am adopting a Credobaptist understanding of Scripture. I want to share my story. (38 points, 23 comments)
    6. [DeYoung] A Plea to Pastors: Don’t Cancel Church on Christmas (38 points, 42 comments)
    7. "How could Jesus understand my struggle with sin, given that he never committed any?" C. S. Lewis responds. (36 points, 2 comments)
    8. Rumors Confirmed. PRESBYTERIAN Added to the Mod Team. Decency and Order shall rule in this sub. (35 points, 50 comments)
    9. Why is it even a question for Christian women to stay with an abusive man? You only need to look to your own wedding vows, right? What am I missing? (35 points, 51 comments)
    10. Keller on why liberal religious bodies will continue to lose members. (34 points, 37 comments)
  6. 877 points, 23 submissions: tanhan27
    1. The dutchman in me can't turn down a price like that (190 points, 20 comments)
    2. Praise The Lord! (56 points, 36 comments)
    3. Luke 4:18-19 in Action (55 points, 142 comments)
    4. Merry Christmas everyone! (45 points, 18 comments)
    5. Deep (41 points, 32 comments)
    6. The Bible does not support Apartheid! Stop quoting Acts 17:26 to as a defense of nationalism/xenophobia. (37 points, 124 comments)
    7. True Masculinity looks like Jesus (37 points, 149 comments)
    8. Week 1 - Let's Read the Heidelberg Catechism! (34 points, 16 comments)
    9. FFFFAF I've Been Unbanned. Let's talk about it. (33 points, 78 comments)
    10. A Reminder for this 4th of July, the Constitution isn't Scripture, the Flag isn't the Cross and the Government isn't the Kingdom of God. (31 points, 29 comments)
  7. 702 points, 22 submissions: rev_run_d
    1. A Church is not a Group of Friends You've Picked, (79 points, 18 comments)
    2. Mods are asleep post picture of sausages (78 points, 47 comments)
    3. It's my Cake Day! I googled Reformed Cake, and this was the first image. LET THEM EAT CAKE! (49 points, 47 comments)
    4. B.A.C.O.N is the new T.U.L.I.P. (44 points, 8 comments)
    5. Mods are Asleep Post Pictures of Popes! (35 points, 22 comments)
    6. Ten Things That Your Missionary Will Not Tell You (35 points, 25 comments)
    7. Google Honors 500th Anniversary Of Reformation By Not Marking It At All (34 points, 12 comments)
    8. Man’s maker was made man (32 points, 1 comment)
    9. TIL:Luther’s last letter to his wife was quite polemical (26 points, 4 comments)
    10. A New Update on Dr. Sproul's Health (25 points, 10 comments)
  8. 572 points, 20 submissions: Frankfusion
    1. My wife and I are expecting a baby! (53 points, 23 comments)
    2. So instead of TULIP how about we go with...... (49 points, 19 comments)
    3. Please pray for R.C. Sproul Jr. His daughter died today. (36 points, 2 comments)
    4. Anyone else just tired of christianity? (33 points, 49 comments)
    5. Mark Driscoll to step down while Mars Hill elders review charges (33 points, 16 comments)
    6. Getting married tomorrow, prayers are appreciated (31 points, 4 comments)
    7. Praise report: an amazing answer to prayer. It's a miracle (31 points, 4 comments)
    8. "I Have Parkinson’s and I Am at Peace" Wayne Grudem (30 points, 3 comments)
    9. Christian preacher wins £13k after wrongful arrest for telling gay couple homosexuality is a sin (30 points, 19 comments)
    10. Rob Bell Appreciated Thread!!!!!! (27 points, 30 comments)
  9. 562 points, 19 submissions: terevos2
    1. Amendment: Calling /reformed to denounce white nationalism, white supremacy, and all forms of racism. (54 points, 60 comments)
    2. Nine dead in US church shooting. This is pretty terrible. Let's pray for Charleston. (39 points, 4 comments)
    3. We Know They Are Killing Children—All of Us Know ~Piper (39 points, 36 comments)
    4. A note on conduct here on /reformed. To Catholics, Orthodox, Evangelicals, and Reformed. (38 points, 177 comments)
    5. EFS/ESS Trinity, Complementarianism megathread - post here in the future (38 points, 464 comments)
    6. The Nashville Statement - statement on Biblical Sexuality (34 points, 91 comments)
    7. If we talked to people like we pray to God. How many are you guilty of this? I am [xpost from /christianity] (33 points, 11 comments)
    8. Mark Driscoll wrote a letter of repentance to his church. (33 points, 42 comments)
    9. For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them. ~Augustine (30 points, 6 comments)
    10. AMA - New Covenant Theology (26 points, 157 comments)
  10. 503 points, 13 submissions: --Solus
    1. Jacob be like (81 points, 5 comments)
    2. When people at work don't know how reformed I am. (59 points, 7 comments)
    3. Apologetics 101 (58 points, 25 comments)
    4. If your church has more Essential Oil parties than bible studies it may be time to find a new church. (58 points, 52 comments)
    5. Wife lost her job, prayer would be nice (48 points, 3 comments)
    6. Why are Christian women drawn to pyramid schemes? (41 points, 77 comments)
    7. Prayer request (30 points, 10 comments)
    8. Why Are So Many Evangelicals Condoning Sexual Assault? (25 points, 113 comments)
    9. I think my wife and I have finally decided to find a new church. (22 points, 17 comments)
    10. How Black and White Christians Do Discipleship Differently (21 points, 1 comment)
  11. 408 points, 13 submissions: Yantu
    1. An Arminian stumbles across Romans 9 (62 points, 31 comments)
    2. Happy Reformation Day (48 points, 0 comments)
    3. Me going through Joel Osteen's Twitter feed (47 points, 10 comments)
    4. Using the bible to justify prosperity theology in 3 easy steps [COMIC] (32 points, 4 comments)
    5. Peter and Osteen [comic] (30 points, 5 comments)
    6. "Jeremiah, the Weeping Prophet". A comic about one of the most misused verses in Scripture. (29 points, 8 comments)
    7. Presented without comment (26 points, 5 comments)
    8. Thought you guys would like this Piper GIF I made (26 points, 16 comments)
    9. Paul in Rome with a different message... (24 points, 1 comment)
    10. I made a new comic for Reformation Day. Viva la Reformacion! (22 points, 7 comments)
  12. 392 points, 15 submissions: Dying_Daily
    1. Farewell for now (41 points, 5 comments)
    2. A former porn addict and Christian describes how pornography affected his marriage. (35 points, 5 comments)
    3. “They asked whether I was prepared to die as a Christian … My wife was crying but I could not deny Christ” (32 points, 6 comments)
    4. James White's daughter writes a letter to Rachel Held Evans (31 points, 10 comments)
    5. With mod permission, I invite all Reformed Baptists to the new sub /ReformedBaptist. All are welcome. (27 points, 15 comments)
    6. PCA Affirms Biblical Marriage (25 points, 0 comments)
    7. Telling non-believers that they will go to hell without Christ is now "inappropriate behavior" in /christianity. (25 points, 166 comments)
    8. Iraqi Children Proclaim Love for Jesus in Face of Islamic Beheading (24 points, 6 comments)
    9. Free on Kindle: RC Sproul's Commentary on John (23 points, 0 comments)
    10. Photos of Spurgeon's Grave taken today [x-post from /ReformedBaptist] (23 points, 6 comments)
  13. 366 points, 11 submissions: BKA93
    1. If we are against abortion, we must be for adoption (78 points, 93 comments)
    2. How to Spot a Theological Liberal (41 points, 22 comments)
    3. My church meets in an old theater. They're showing the Exorcist this week. (41 points, 8 comments)
    4. Forgive me /Reformed, for I have sinned. (38 points, 48 comments)
    5. The gay Anglo-Saxon warrior - Adam4d.com (31 points, 33 comments)
    6. Adam Ford has made a Christian Satirical news site. This is going to be too good. (26 points, 12 comments)
    7. I may have lost a friend today (24 points, 12 comments)
    8. Sometimes even the unbelieving world gets things right. The Oatmeal does here on trust, aka faith. (24 points, 27 comments)
    9. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry, post here or /ReformedHumor. You know it's bad when even non-Christians notice how pathetic modern worship music can be. (23 points, 11 comments)
    10. A Brief Theology of Sleep (21 points, 4 comments)
  14. 325 points, 9 submissions: friardon
    1. An Sinful Man Has Passed Away (47 points, 40 comments)
    2. Boudia and Johnson proclaim Christ on national TV after winning Olympic silver (47 points, 9 comments)
    3. I'm Leaving as a Moderator. And Thank you all. (44 points, 21 comments)
    4. Happy 500th Anniversary of the Reformation Megathread! (40 points, 29 comments)
    5. 5000. Wow. You all are amazing. (33 points, 49 comments)
    6. Wearing Mismatched Socks Today Hoping to Save a Life (32 points, 20 comments)
    7. Who are you people?!? (29 points, 116 comments)
    8. Thank you, Vets! (27 points, 7 comments)
    9. How Acts 29 Survived—and Thrived—After the Collapse of Mars Hill (26 points, 23 comments)
  15. 312 points, 11 submissions: reformedscot
    1. 44 Years of Shedding Innocent Blood (50 points, 31 comments)
    2. Edwards on Sin (35 points, 3 comments)
    3. Sorry, mods. Totally off topic (28 points, 12 comments)
    4. Why I'm not Catholic Steve Hays (28 points, 68 comments)
    5. Animal Control Corrals Cage‐Stage Calvinist After Biting Incident The Babylon Bee (27 points, 0 comments)
    6. Calvin on the New Year (26 points, 2 comments)
    7. Why the woman of Revelation 12 is not Mary (25 points, 51 comments)
    8. Mrs. PsaltyScot (24 points, 6 comments)
    9. Why Papa of The Shack Is not Aslan of Narnia (24 points, 56 comments)
    10. Oh, No. I'm Brokenhearted. Not Because It's A Sproul, But Because It's A Leader. (23 points, 34 comments)
  16. 307 points, 10 submissions: toddmp
    1. ...passed into the eternal love of God. (44 points, 10 comments)
    2. Wyclif for the win! FSU student found this bullet in his backpack after leaving the scene of the shooting - xpost /pics (44 points, 9 comments)
    3. Always loved this sketch of Calvin (from a larger work) (41 points, 10 comments)
    4. "Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important." - C. S. Lewis (33 points, 15 comments)
    5. Playmobil has issued a 500th Anniversary Martin Luther Figure. For the kids of course... (27 points, 12 comments)
    6. J. Gresham Machen - Christianity & Liberalism (free audio book) (25 points, 5 comments)
    7. I enjoyed this old artwork I happened upon. (24 points, 0 comments)
    8. Mid-Century Modern Churches (just thought I'd share some of these beautiful examples) (24 points, 24 comments)
    9. Reach Records Scrubs All Mention of Christ/God from "About Us" Page (23 points, 21 comments)
    10. Speaking of Raising Children... (22 points, 7 comments)
  17. 303 points, 9 submissions: pensivebadger
    1. John Piper: How to Live Under an Unqualified President (58 points, 255 comments)
    2. Russell Moore: "Sorry, the Bible doesn’t promise to make America great again" (52 points, 41 comments)
    3. Acts 29 Network Removes Co-founder Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill Church From Membership (38 points, 157 comments)
    4. John Piper: "Should Christians Be Encouraged to Arm Themselves?" (29 points, 248 comments)
    5. John Piper Answers: "Do You Regret Partnering with Mark Driscoll?" (28 points, 47 comments)
    6. The Atlantic covers the controversy over the ESV's gender-role translation changes (27 points, 43 comments)
    7. Tim Keller Clarifies Position on Same-Sex Marriage (26 points, 10 comments)
    8. Tim Keller: “Mark Driscoll definitely built up the evangelical movement enormously, but the brashness and the arrogance and the rudeness in personal relationships… was obvious to many from the earliest days, and he has definitely now disillusioned quite a lot of people.” (23 points, 13 comments)
    9. "Justin (AD 100-165) saw the four key challenges to discipleship as sexual immorality, magic, wealth, and ethnic hatred. (Apol. XIV)" (22 points, 11 comments)
  18. 302 points, 9 submissions: RaucousElephant
    1. Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Arminius the Wise? (62 points, 37 comments)
    2. And the JWs came back for a quick fire round (41 points, 19 comments)
    3. Little reminder - we're out there. (38 points, 5 comments)
    4. In honour of the rise of /PrequelMemes, this cage-stage meme will make a fine addition to your collection... (30 points, 5 comments)
    5. Χριστὸς ἀνέστη! (30 points, 17 comments)
    6. When people say God is boring and killjoy... (29 points, 5 comments)
    7. One of our deacons just died. (28 points, 7 comments)
    8. Got welcomed into membership today... (23 points, 3 comments)
    9. FFFFAF: I've been unbanned, let's talk about it. (21 points, 14 comments)
  19. 280 points, 9 submissions: mrmtothetizzle
    1. Poll: Majority Of Evangelicals Would Support Satan If He Ran As Republican Candidate (73 points, 30 comments)
    2. Tim Keller - Do You REALLY Choose your Identity? (37 points, 4 comments)
    3. Seven things to do after you look at pornography (31 points, 3 comments)
    4. Got to stand up for the sanctity of life today at University (27 points, 17 comments)
    5. "For every look at yourself, at your sins, take ten looks at Christ." - Robert Murray Mccheyne (25 points, 2 comments)
    6. 7 Good Reasons To Stop Looking at Porn Right Now (24 points, 14 comments)
    7. FOR WHOM DID CHRIST DIE? - John Owen (22 points, 32 comments)
    8. Lecrae - I'll Find You ft. Tori Kelly (21 points, 1 comment)
    9. "I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages" Spurgeon (20 points, 0 comments)
  20. 270 points, 8 submissions: ClarenceColton
    1. Pretty major typo in today's bulletin (75 points, 4 comments)
    2. Seal belonging to King Hezekiah found in Jerusalem. (37 points, 17 comments)
    3. Russell Moore was asked why he supported Muslim's right to build mosques. He gave a thoughtful answer about religious liberty and true Christian conversion. (35 points, 60 comments)
    4. Behold the man upon a cross, My sin upon His shoulders; Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice Call out among the scoffers. It was my sin that held Him there Until it was accomplished; His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished. (30 points, 4 comments)
    5. Let goods and kindred go (25 points, 9 comments)
    6. Reformed Trivia (25 points, 6 comments)
    7. I really enjoyed this documentary on John Knox which is available to watch free on Amazon Prime. (24 points, 7 comments)
    8. Briarwood, PCA in Birmingham's pastor had a challenging and personal tweet today: "I'm increasingly convicted that prayerlessness in my life is in reality an embrace of 'functional atheism' & an evidence of personal arrogance." (19 points, 8 comments)
  21. 267 points, 8 submissions: centurion88
    1. The hardest thing to believe (53 points, 14 comments)
    2. Black Man Convinces 200 People to Leave the KKK by Befriending Them (42 points, 5 comments)
    3. I signed the Nashville Statement. It’s an expression of love for same-sex attracted people. - Albert Mohler (41 points, 18 comments)
    4. I didn't think that I would see something this week that would disgust me as much if not more than the events in Charlottesville. (31 points, 59 comments)
    5. An important reminder for us all (29 points, 4 comments)
    6. Voddie Baucham - We live in a Pornographic Culture (27 points, 1 comment)
    7. New law in Ontario allows government to take children away if parents don’t accept kids’ ‘gender identity’ (23 points, 42 comments)
    8. James White Shares the Gospel with Muslims (21 points, 23 comments)
  22. 255 points, 6 submissions: THUNDER-PUNCH
    1. We went to the eye doctor today, my youngest is no longer considered legally blind! Praise God! (141 points, 14 comments)
    2. Just a head's up, had to delete my account and get a new one. (33 points, 15 comments)
    3. The untold story of America's most prolific serial killer. Challies.com (23 points, 10 comments)
    4. Looking for some parenting advice from folks. In regards to my very disabled child. (21 points, 20 comments)
    5. A reminder I shared with the women of our church just now about Easter. (19 points, 4 comments)
    6. Our kids outnumber the adults on Sundays. Children's church volunteer woes. Is it just us? (18 points, 34 comments)
  23. 226 points, 8 submissions: LUSOR_dude
    1. The Episcopal Church has been suspended by the Anglican Communion (40 points, 35 comments)
    2. 1,000 Reformers and counting. Soli Deo Gloria! (36 points, 2 comments)
    3. Russell Moore Writes on an Undercover Video Revealing Planned Parenthood's Sale of the Bodies of Aborted Fetuses (36 points, 36 comments)
    4. Shai Linne's "Atonement: Q+A" is arguably the most theologically rich of modern songs I've heard. (26 points, 16 comments)
    5. After today's theological AMA on christianity: (23 points, 23 comments)
    6. Via Twitter, James White vehemently and articulately displays the heresy of Rome and the Papacy. I'm sure christianity would just love this. (23 points, 28 comments)
    7. Discouraged seminary student asking for prayer. (22 points, 23 comments)
    8. Books has an article on the front page about a scholar who says Plato influenced the OT. So I went to the comments. Turns out Reddit isn't so bad after all. (20 points, 19 comments)

Top Commenters

  1. superlewis (4076 points, 826 comments)
  2. terevos2 (3910 points, 1466 comments)
  3. davidjricardo (3337 points, 705 comments)
  4. tanhan27 (2985 points, 1210 comments)
  5. moby__dick (2151 points, 495 comments)
  6. BSMason (2135 points, 569 comments)
  7. rev_run_d (1720 points, 434 comments)
  8. Cledus_Snow (1474 points, 341 comments)
  9. friardon (1287 points, 338 comments)
  10. c3rbutt (1239 points, 319 comments)
  11. DrKC9N (1190 points, 282 comments)
  12. reformedscot (1094 points, 265 comments)
  13. RaucousElephant (980 points, 262 comments)
  14. cnumbers (946 points, 228 comments)
  15. 5upralapsarian (888 points, 134 comments)
  16. Hoof_Meat (884 points, 209 comments)
  17. Aviator07 (851 points, 240 comments)
  18. BishopOfReddit (820 points, 171 comments)
  19. darmir (784 points, 200 comments)
  20. centurion88 (773 points, 93 comments)
  21. wellbredgrapefruit (703 points, 149 comments)
  22. CalvinsBeard (606 points, 96 comments)
  23. VanTil (559 points, 156 comments)
  24. b3k (554 points, 114 comments)
  25. LUSOR_dude (551 points, 98 comments)
  26. bobwhiz (538 points, 155 comments)
  27. choojo444 (536 points, 119 comments)
  28. ClarenceColton (533 points, 128 comments)
  29. FluffyApocalypse (533 points, 109 comments)
  30. THUNDER-PUNCH (500 points, 91 comments)

Top Submissions

  1. The dutchman in me can't turn down a price like that by tanhan27 (190 points, 20 comments)
  2. This is probably against the rules, but I am posting it anyway. by davidjricardo (175 points, 48 comments)
  3. We went to the eye doctor today, my youngest is no longer considered legally blind! Praise God! by THUNDER-PUNCH (141 points, 14 comments)
  4. A Reformed showerthought: by SeredW (134 points, 9 comments)
  5. Why is this so true. by jaredolojan (114 points, 11 comments)
  6. This is my ancestor. He sold me and the entire human race into a life of sin and total depravity for a piece of fruit. by FluffyApocalypse (111 points, 27 comments)
  7. Tis the season to need this meme again... by nvahalik (99 points, 24 comments)
  8. ‘The True Election Was In Eternity Past,’ Annoying Calvinist Keeps Reminding Everyone by 1646cpa (97 points, 1 comment)
  9. A warning to my Christian brothers by deleted (95 points, 30 comments)
  10. Asked her to marry me last night. She said Yes! Thanks for your prayers, guys :) by Backwoods_Boy (94 points, 21 comments)

Top Comments

  1. 90 points: SharpDressedSloth's comment in Amendment: Calling /reformed to denounce white nationalism, white supremacy, and all forms of racism.
  2. 77 points: pjamberger's comment in Why are a lot of Christian's anti Vaxxers?
  3. 72 points: ChilliamShatner's comment in Let's talk about weed
  4. 61 points: StokedAs's comment in I'm a little frustrated with John MacArthur.
  5. 61 points: toddmp's comment in I think pedobaptism just clicked for me.
  6. 56 points: Dying_Daily's comment in Did /reformed change or is it just me?
  7. 56 points: choojo444's comment in The Youth Pastor starts a rave and the Pastors wife prays in a whale voice audio
  8. 56 points: rev_run_d's comment in New Calvinist who got into an argument with his wife last night...
  9. 54 points: THUNDER-PUNCH's comment in Why are Christian women drawn to pyramid schemes?
  10. 53 points: alethia_and_liberty's comment in Coming to the realisation that we're just friends...
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Hillary And Bill Have WORST WELCOME Ever At Billy Joel Concert, They’re HISTORY! AlumniCorps 30th Anniversary Video Bill And Hillary Clinton BOOED At Billy Joel Concert (FULL VIDEO) Emily has the 'I've got something on Lorelai' smile Hilary Duff - I´ve got a crush on Hilary Duff partners in crime sori1004jy DIXIE CREAM JAZZ BAND After you've gone Hilary Duff - Wake Up (Official Video) - YouTube After You've Gone - Nadira and Friends The Voice Australia: Sarah duets with Joel - YouTube

Hillary PBS

  1. Hillary And Bill Have WORST WELCOME Ever At Billy Joel Concert, They’re HISTORY!
  2. AlumniCorps 30th Anniversary Video
  3. Bill And Hillary Clinton BOOED At Billy Joel Concert (FULL VIDEO)
  4. Emily has the 'I've got something on Lorelai' smile
  5. Hilary Duff - I´ve got a crush on Hilary Duff
  6. partners in crime sori1004jy
  7. DIXIE CREAM JAZZ BAND After you've gone
  8. Hilary Duff - Wake Up (Official Video) - YouTube
  9. After You've Gone - Nadira and Friends
  10. The Voice Australia: Sarah duets with Joel - YouTube

50+ videos Play all Mix - Hilary Duff - I´ve got a crush on Hilary Duff YouTube Hilary Duff - Dignity (Full Album) - Duration: 48:46. Lovee Hilaryd 262,791 views Series One bombshell Sarah De Bono sings an unforgettable duet with her coach, Good Charlotte's Joel Madden. (@Sarah_DeBono) Download Sarah's tracks at iTune... 'It's the best tiny-word bird I've ever eaten.' 'That's not your 'I'm happy' smile' 'What smile is it, Lorelai?' That's your 'I've got something on Lorelai' smile.' Taken from Gilmore Girls S01E11. Dixie Cream Jazz Band interpretan su versión del tema 'After you've gone'. - - Pilar Gual: Voz. - - Luis Bomati: Banjo. - - Pedro J.Cabredo: Saxo tenor. To commemorate 30 years of mobilizing people, organizations, and networks for public good, we showcased one example of the Princeton AlumniCorps network. See how we mobilize our nonprofit program ... The crowd booed the Clintons shortly after Billy Joel dedicated a song to his “good friends” Bill and Hillary Clinton. ... Funniest joke you’ve ever heard about being late. Andy Woodhull ... https://www.nadiraandfriends.com Recorded at @Filmak Studios August 2016 Musicians: Nadira (vocals), Nick Haywood (bass), Matt Ives (drums), Aaron Entresz (guitar) Sound Engineer and video: Phil ... Billy Joel - New York State Of Mind (from Live at Shea Stadium) ft. Tony Bennett - Duration: ... Star Spangled Banner As You've Never Heard It - Duration: 11:39. mona rose 14,523,194 views. 11:39. 50+ videos Play all Mix - partners in crime sori1004jy YouTube 天空の城ラピュタ / Laputa - Castle in the Sky 石川綾子 - Duration: 3:48. ayakoishikawatv 5,476,332 views Music video by Hilary Duff performing Wake Up. #HilaryDuff #WakeUp #Vevo